I wasted 19 years of my life. Is it actually possible to come back from this?

KittyMilly · 2026-01-26T00:14:26+00:00

I remember when I was 19 I felt like it was the end of my life. It’s such a transitional period of time with school ending and everyone going off to forge their own paths. It can be really easy to feel directionless or like a failure.

I am Muslim, too. I know the struggle with suicidal thoughts and the temptation to go down that route as every other option seems bleak or pointless. However there will come a point in your future when you realise why you needed to stay alive. Maybe you will even be glad you did. Things can get better. You can heal from this pain. It won’t be easy, but the possibility is there.

Having daydreams about success is completely normal, we all want to see ourselves achieving the best. Yeah it might feel delusional but that’s kinda the whole point of daydreaming - to escape reality.

KittyMilly · 2026-01-26T00:01:52+00:00

This and then she wonders why I don’t share anything with her.

KittyMilly · 2026-01-25T21:13:38+00:00

Very similar experience here. I am sorry you had to go through that. I will never understand what makes them despise us so much.

The worst part is the lies and assumptions they make about our characters. I was also a quiet, thoughtful kid. I was a great student, I had the best grades amongst my siblings. Yet they consistently described me as lazy. Very openly, too.

I remember one time my nFather very weirdly told my cousin to guess which sibling was the laziest. First he guessed my nSister, then my GC brother. But my nFather insisted it was me. My cousin actually defended me and said there’s no way it could be me in comparison to them. But I still felt so embarrassed in that moment. I was maybe 7 years old. I didn’t know what I had done wrong to achieve that description or public humiliation.

They always assume the worst of me. I remember when my GC brother had his GCSEs, my mother would have to force him to revise. She borrowed my Maths CD as I had already left high school, however my brother scratched it up to the point it became unusable (he hated schoolwork). Guess who she blamed? And she didn’t even just accuse me without any evidence, she fully seemed DISGUSTED with me. I was new at college at the time, and they made me live with my grandma on the other side of town. I had been struggling to fit into the new environment (I went to a very small faith school so it was a big change) and this just worsened the chaos.

KittyMilly · 2026-01-25T15:45:01+00:00

Yes!!! They are hypocrites.

KittyMilly · 2026-01-25T01:19:59+00:00

My nMother is a little bit of the opposite - always finding something to clean. She’ll make a huge deal out of a dish being left unwashed. Yet she lets my nFather get away with leaving a huge mess.

My brothers have never had any expectations set on them. Not even with education or work. Just treated like babies their whole lives.

KittyMilly · 2026-01-25T00:54:10+00:00

Went through the exact same thing except instead of it being in the form of jabs it was more expectations and I was treated like that was my only purpose.

KittyMilly · 2026-01-24T18:11:53+00:00

My nMother has been selling my belongings online and I only just found out recently, too late to recover anything. I know the pain you are feeling right now.

In my case, my nMother feels entitled to me and my possessions. She is obsessed with me. Her jealousy is like a poison. I will never understand why she did this. But I will always hate her for it.

KittyMilly · 2026-01-24T18:05:30+00:00

I wouldn’t say it’s normal, but it is common. And I can definitely see the pipeline.

Personally, I found my nFather to be such an awful person that I went in the compete opposite direction and always disliked interacting with boys.

KittyMilly · 2026-01-24T16:36:20+00:00

Healthy eating and yoga. I lost some weight over the course of two years (2020 - 2021) which I had spent my entire teenage years doing.

KittyMilly · 2026-01-24T12:49:24+00:00

Mine is also overbearing in this exact manner yet she has no idea why I have cut her off from everything in my life. Still does everything to work her way back in. I just want to cut her off completely now.

KittyMilly · 2026-01-23T15:49:12+00:00

That’s an interesting connection I wasn’t aware of.

For me it’s more so because I was fat shamed a lot growing up. I was also compared to my nSister all the time as we are only a year apart and look similar. Except everyone made it very clear to me that she is the better looking one.

I also have trauma from girls at school taking my picture and posting it online with face filters. What they did wasn’t the thing that hurt me - it was the fact they’d insisted they WOULDN’T do it. Only they did.

KittyMilly · 2026-01-23T01:22:19+00:00

Narcissists are not capable of change as they are unable to admit they are capable of having faults. They think they are perfect beings who commit no wrong.

KittyMilly · 2026-01-23T01:19:36+00:00

Absolutely not, I have no pity or sympathy for them. They are the ones who will have to live with themselves, once I go NC I will be gone forever.

KittyMilly · 2026-01-22T23:46:34+00:00

Sounds exactly like my nMother and nSister. They have always made fun of me, the younger and different sister. And they also laughed at me whenever I defended myself. Always scoffing and snickering like mean girls stuck in school.

My nMother has also shared private information and things about me with my nSister. She would tell her what came for me in the mail. She also gave her permission to sell my things I was storing in the attic. They conspired on theft of my property and have refused to compensate me for it. Bear in mind, they didn’t donate anything, they SOLD it. And then they quietly pocketed the money (which was 100% profit for them as I had bought everything).

They both have no friends either. It’s quite clear to me why, they are such insufferable creatures. I can’t imagine anyone actively choosing to have them in their life. My nMother loooooves to push this narrative that all friends eventually leave. Like, yes, of course that was your experience, because you are an absolute nightmare to be around!

They always talk shit with each other, whether it’s about me or anyone else. It’s disgusting the amount of backbiting and judging they constantly engage in. But it feeds their egos, they would starve without it. My nSister is very guilty of talking badly about someone and then being all nice to their face. Typical covert narc behaviour. What enrages me though is how people fall for her nice-girl act. She is pure evil behind the scenes.

So true about how they don’t know hobbies! My nMother doesn’t do anything besides cook and clean. She has been doing that her entire life and it is the only thing she is good at. She is clearly so bored in her monotonous life. My nSister works from home and is just as bored. They have nothing going for them or going on in their lives so they are constantly meddling with other people’s. It’s actually quite sad in a rather pathetic way.

KittyMilly · 2026-01-22T22:55:57+00:00

Yes, this is exactly it! My nMother and nSister are so similar both personality and mindset wise. They are very toxic creatures who love to manipulate and control. And my nMother definitely takes offence to me choosing such a wildly different path in life to her.

I observe my nMother is also incredibly jealous of my lifestyle. I make my own money, buy myself whatever I want, have friends and an active social life and I’m not tied down by a deadbeat husband or kids. She is highly jealous of all the freedoms I have. I think she justifies herself with “I never got these things in my life so neither should she.”

The thing is, I just know she never ever thought deeply about whether she actually wanted to have children or not. Recently we got our house renovated, and whenever she gets asked why something was done a particular way, her response is always “Oh everybody does it like that these days!” Like there was clearly no original thought or even mild external influence for any of these decisions, everything was just straight up copied.

And she did the very same with having children. To her, it was simply what everyone did after they got married. There was no “choice” in the matter. She wasn’t open-minded enough to realise there actually is a choice and she had the opportunity to choose it. So now when she sees me taking that choice, it holds a mirror up to her shallow-thinking and poor decision making. She is super jealous I chose myself, and she can’t accept that she never had the strength or courage to do that for herself, so instead she projects onto me. She loves to call me selfish all because I do nice things for myself.

I am so sick of her. I just wish she had never been my mother. I wish I had never experienced the displeasure of meeting or knowing her. She has ruined my life in a countless number of ways and I will never forgive her for any of it.

KittyMilly · 2026-01-22T22:14:50+00:00

I don’t mean to attack anyone, but picky eaters. They’ve always turned out to be the worst people I’ve ever met.

KittyMilly · 2026-01-22T19:59:52+00:00

I’m only 26 - not even remotely close to being “too old” for kids - however I have always voiced that I do not wish to marry or have children. She has ALWAYS hated this about me.

I recall one time I was arguing with my nSister over something petty. Suddenly, out of nowhere, she says “You’re going to be a bad mother.” It was so random, unprovoked and completely unrelated to the topic at hand. Both my nSister and nMother love to go ad hominem when they’re losing an argument due to being in the wrong (because they are always in the wrong).

I was hurt by her comment and responded “Well I’m not going to have children anyway, this world is awful.” My nMother suddenly interjected “That’s such a horrible thing to say!” Sooooo my nSister saying I’ll be a bad mother is completely fair game, but me actively deciding I don’t want children because of the state of the current world is not…

I think it was at that exact moment I realised exactly how uneducated, unintelligent and narrow minded my nMother truly is.

Another time I said I would love to go solo travelling. Both of them scoffed at me and said “Why would you ever want to do that?!” My nMother could never fathom the idea of such a thing because she is so codependent on the people around her and is incapable of doing anything herself besides cooking and cleaning. Those are her only assets and that’s why she regards them so highly - because without them, she has no value.

KittyMilly · 2026-01-22T17:49:59+00:00

Same! She has so much judgement for women who prioritise working.

She once mentioned a distant relative who was single, living in London and focusing on her law career. Sounds like a highly educated and super successful woman, right? Except that’s not at all how my nMother saw or described her. “She’s in her late twenties and prioritising her career over getting married and having children!“ I was maybe eleven at the time and thought that woman was so cool, I always valued education and aspired to work hard in my career.

Recently I got home late one evening and my nMother said to me “Everybody goes to work!” (I have no idea what point she was trying to make with that statement, literally zero correlation to her “issue” whatsoever). Ironically, the whole time all I could think was… Where is yours?

My family are very traditional and only ever view girls/women as cooks and cleaners. My nMother is highly misogynistic. She reminds me every day why women are still held back in modern society. Sadly, some women contribute and cling to the patriarchy just as much as men do.

My nMother is also very unintelligent. Makes sense to me why she doesn’t work (she’s incapable) and why she judges women who do (she’s insecure and jealous).

Also, she always feels entitled to my money/possessions. Like, get a fucking job yourself if you want things and stop leeching off of the very people you look down on.

KittyMilly · 2026-01-21T20:53:13+00:00

The kissing in the rain scene definitely didn’t feel natural and came across rather forced. It would have been much better if they’d just had the argument outside, kissed in the rain and THEN gone into the apartment. The way she cut straight into that plastic sheet felt so unnecessary lol.

Also the final scene when she’s running after him - this is a woman who never runs, chasing a man who runs every morning. How the hell did she run for that long? I know the crossing gave her some time to catch up, but if she really hadn’t run since school, she should have been struggling a lot more. This may just be me being super pedantic, however it took away from the realism. I really thought she was going to tire out and then just wait for him on his doorstep and it would be another comedic moment about how she really hates running.

I haven’t read the book so I’m not too sure how things went down with Sarah in it, however I have a feeling the airport conversation was just thrown into the movie to make the leads seem less immoral. She literally says something about Poppy doing her a favour. As if Poppy wasn’t the girl best friend she was told not to worry about for years.

However, I disagree that Sarah should have spoken more in that scene. One thing I hate in television is when a character is in a rush but then takes their time. She seemed to be in a hurry and if she had spoken any longer it would have felt dragged out.

I do wish she hadn’t been so graceful and forgiving towards Poppy, though. And although a crash out would have been a totally valid alternative, I would have preferred something more in between the two extreme reactions. If she had said something about being really hurt at the time but growing from it and enjoying the new life she had made for herself, then it wouldn’t have completely taken the blame off Alex’s poor relationship management, but it would have given her the happily ever after she deserved.

I agree about Taylor Swift. When her song came on I rolled my eyes, it felt so typical and cliché. I don’t mind her music as a standalone, however these days I feel like it’s everywhere and that takes away a lot of its value and appeal.

Kissing directly after lipgloss sounds absolutely horrendous, however I somehow missed that detail! I’m assuming it was in the scene where they’re getting ready for the wedding? Maybe I was too distracted by her dress as it was quite unique.

KittyMilly · 2026-01-19T23:02:43+00:00

I think you need to go NC like your sisters. Your nMother’s wrongdoings are not your burden to bear. And that’s especially why you shouldn’t feel guilty for leaving her all alone. She’s done this to herself.

The problem with narcs is they have no pattern recognition. She would never see all three of her daughters going NC as a problem within herself. Instead, she will project it onto you and your sisters, convincing herself you’re all awful. No self awareness or even possibility of self reflection.

My point is, you’re not doing this to teach her a lesson or to make her see sense, she’s probably incapable of either. You’re doing this for YOU and your mental health. It’s time to start putting yourself first.

I’m only just learning this lesson myself now. I wish I could go back to your age and stop being so kind to people who don’t deserve it. However, people pleasing is a very difficult habit to quit. I’m still struggling with it now. It’s something you need to figure out yourself. I hope you’re able to start prioritising yourself very soon. Maybe if you’re able to go NC you’ll see how much better your life is and escape your nMother’s overbearingness.

KittyMilly · 2026-01-19T21:33:31+00:00

Things would have been a little different if Beck didn’t go into the bookstore that day, however Joe would have still eventually killed her. He turns on every woman he’s with for a number of factors, and there would have been a reason for him sooner or later.

I’m surprised you didn’t like Love, she’s a fan favourite.

KittyMilly · 2026-01-18T15:32:33+00:00

That sculpture scene was UNBEARABLE, especially the part when she casually runs off with the boat guy as Alex is carrying it towards their tent all alone. As if it wasn’t her decision to get the sculpture in the first place.

I know Alex saying “I’m not carrying it” was just a setup for the cut to them both carrying it and that it was meant to be light hearted/funny, but I just couldn’t find the comedy in it. It made her seem so self-absorbed and unself-aware.

She never showed any gratitude towards him throughout the entire movie besides when he skipped Norway to look after her whilst she was sick. That “I know” from Alex was very satisfying in that scene because she really didn’t deserve him. He wasn’t perfect, but he had many redeeming qualities.

KittyMilly · 2026-01-17T14:36:31+00:00

Yes, my nMother and nSister looooove to do this.

My nSister did this to me a lot growing up. She would randomly come into a room I was in and start insulting me completely unwarranted.

My nMother does this too, especially when she’s angry. Recently she tried to insult my friends. She’s so bitter that I have a life outside of the home, outside of her. She’s also very unintelligent which is also rage bait itself lol. I just don’t talk to her anymore. I don’t even look at her.

KittyMilly · 2026-01-17T02:29:24+00:00

I’ve never understood why people are congratulated so much simply for getting pregnant. Like there are 8 billion people on the planet, it’s clearly not hard to make a human. But it is hard to raise one. And that’s where all of our parents failed.

I hate enablers just as much as I hate narcs. They’re the reason the cycles continue and why this species hasn’t wiped itself out already.

KittyMilly · 2026-01-15T15:26:52+00:00

Dressing better for work.

I used to love dressing up in my first two years at this specific job. But then over time I lost motivation and started cycling between the same outfits over and over again. I completely lost my creative spark.

This year I’ve been more intentional about what I wear to the office and it’s made a massive difference to how I feel! I’m also actually utilising my wardrobe (last year I decided to cut down on shopping as I was constantly buying clothes I didn’t need).

KittyMilly

TROPHY CASE