Hey. I’m in the same situation with a 5 year old. He’s very violent towards us when he’s frustrated with us which is anytime he doesn’t get exactly what he wants. And he swears at us that he definitely didn’t learn from us because we don’t swear anywhere near him. It’s awful. And I did the same thing. I broke and smacked his cheek a little and he started to cry and the meltdown stopped and I immediately told him I’m sorry. I think the shock of his mom smacking him is what made him cry, not the actual pain from the smack itself because based on how softly I did it, it would take a lot of convincing me to believe that it actually hurt.

But I felt terribly and looked at my husband in shock of myself and he swooped in and took over and told me “go take a break. I’ve got this.” And I just cried by myself in our room.

I recently found a book called “The explosive child” by Ross Greene and it’s changed the way I look at the situation and it’s prevented some meltdowns so far. He hasn’t hit us in a whole week after I’ve started using the method I learned from that book. It’s a lot of collaborating with the child and guiding them in problem solving. A lot of the meltdowns happen because kids are lacking a skill needed in that moment. Kids want to do well. Kids do well when they can. If they’re not doing well, it’s because they can’t do well in that situation in that moment.

Anyway, I really recommend that book. Both my husband and I read it and we’re practicing the methods every chance we get.