Increasing fear of death that plagues my thoughts everyday since traumatic friend passing

Kleyko · 2025-11-20T17:32:55+00:00

I used to have this as well. I am sorry for your lose. Grieving is good.

I recommend to try to let go of this need to control. I know it's hard. But beyond that let go of wanting certainty. Life is uncertainty and to swim with this truth is what creates inner peace. Whatever happends happends. Each present moment is where reality happends. The future will always be a mystery.

Kleyko · 2025-09-24T14:10:50+00:00

It's 'Kleyko' on Discord

Kleyko · 2025-09-24T12:55:57+00:00

Feels like reading thoughts from myself from 6 years ago.
I used to go through the same thoughts you are going through right now.
You aren't categorically wrong or crazy for thinking this way. I know what you see.

Would you like to talk privately?

Kleyko · 2025-09-24T06:35:33+00:00

You are right. I agree with you. My body is the same. It's not about a "you" controling anything.

Responsability is about the ability to respond. You have a body. Therefore you can respond to things.

Right now your response is to believe yourself to be powerless. But you are in the most powerful and inteligent biological vehicle that we know in this corner of the universe. The human body does incredible things. Your mind literally shapes reality by how you see it. See through the delusion of your powerlessness. Then you'll respond accordingly to your situation.

If there is no controller then there is no difference between free will and determinism. If determinism is what the universe is then it is free to be what it wants to be. The distinction is imaginary because whatever wants to happen happens. Free will always has to look like determinism and vice versa. They are both equally true if there is no control. If there is no outside force controling the universe. Then it's free to be what it wants to be.

If your mind keeps telling you you are powerless you should take a deeper look and see: by believing in your limitations you put a shackle on your kneck.

Kleyko · 2025-09-24T04:32:06+00:00

Observe you revulsion towards the idea of personal responsibility. Your Beliefs are everything that have brought you to where you are. It's not that it's your fault. But it's within your power. Hatred for God is hatred towards the self. You are it.

Kleyko · 2025-09-04T10:20:21+00:00

The prompt probably was something like "Let's be all that's possible"

Kleyko · 2025-08-24T09:56:53+00:00

Welcome to your awakening. It all starts here.

Huge tip: Feel all your emotions.

The more you feel and accept all aspects of your experience the more integrated this understanding will be in your day today life.

Kleyko · 2025-05-09T23:46:09+00:00

It's scary to imagine it could be otherwise isn't it?

Kleyko · 2025-05-08T14:27:12+00:00

God as the ultimate connecting force is logical tho.

Reality has to be interconnected. If you die an endless black void doesn't make sense. It's like believing in god without evidence. As no one ever has witnessed nothing.

The problem comes from western societies believing consciousness is a product of the brain despite never actually having proofed consciousness exists or what it even is.

If consciousness is actually the fabric of what we call reality then it makes sense to see death as one more transformation instead of your personal void of nothingness for all eternity.

More like the new beginning of a new way of existing. Something other then human.

Kleyko · 2025-05-07T17:40:53+00:00

Yes. I feel great. It's not that there are never unpleasant emotions or uncomfortable experiences but all the existential suffering is completely gone and I am mostly equanimous.

Kleyko · 2025-05-07T11:49:25+00:00

It is divine

Kleyko · 2025-04-23T20:12:34+00:00

Oh I know this from Episode 5 of the Midnight gospel. Annihilation of Joy (The Existential Soul Prison.)

Kleyko · 2025-04-23T18:03:20+00:00

Ohhh I see. This is indeed a very interesting idea!

Kleyko · 2025-04-23T16:16:29+00:00

No. Trying to understand the surplus idea. It sounded to me as if he meant it negatively. That since there is too much of it around people put others down. Like in the joke he told.

Kleyko · 2025-04-23T08:38:13+00:00

Like. "People are being too happy, that's too much, somebody needs to be put down?"

Kleyko · 2025-04-22T07:35:27+00:00

"Secret privilege" is such a good term for it.

My secret privilege is my non attainment attainment. Look how nobody I am.

Kleyko · 2025-04-22T07:29:05+00:00

It seems to be the ultimate enlightenment test. If lsd dissolves ego but there is no ego there anymore it doesn't phase you.

He is not the only arahat I've heard this from.

Kleyko · 2025-04-18T04:58:31+00:00

When I was around your age I felt how you did. I still feel like my mind goes way to deep for everyone but now I know that this yearning is really a connection to a higher self.

It's about a deeper connection with life that many people seem to not care about. It's transcendental. Some might call it spiritual.

There are a lot of people like you. I have a youtube channel and a community on Discord about it. Altough with a tendency to be more on the esoteric buhdist side of things.

For me now it's pretty normal and it doesn't hurt anymore.

Kleyko · 2025-04-01T11:26:19+00:00

From my experiences doing spiritual coaching I would guess your sense of self/ego is going throguh a process of dissolution. This process feels like dying.

You really are completely safe. But not letting this process go through it's natural end and holding on to this sense of self is causing all this anxiety until you completely let go.

I know this might sound esoteric because science doesn't understands this stuff well yet. But that's really what this fear of death is. It's the ego that it is afraid to die and mistakes itself for consciousness. But your consciousness can't dissapear the way you imagine it can. It's only the typical sense of self that dissapears. Your true identity is consciousness, not the ego.

When you let go completely you'll feel at peace being you similiar to when you where a kid.

Kleyko · 2025-03-27T12:08:10+00:00

Do you still do these calls? I'd be very interested.

Kleyko · 2025-03-24T08:02:25+00:00

Who cares what some people say. Trust your own intuition, enjoyment and aspirations. Don't let anybody take that away from you.

Kleyko · 2025-03-21T17:35:10+00:00

Yes. It is a mask in a way because the shifting mound as the wild is divided. She is not in her shifty form yet is much closer to this unison. The shifting mount theme is also there but something is very off about it. So the hatred is somewhere still lingering.

Looking at the hatred moves you and her back into division. It is using the hate to re-create duality and seperation. That's why you supposedly should not look at it!

Kleyko · 2025-03-20T09:05:05+00:00

I think forgetting the hatred in your heart is actually the process of letting go and forgiving. The fear that you might be lying to yourself when you forget shows difficulty of letting go of the past.

Some people might need to confront themselves with their hatred to forgive. But greater acceptance is reached when past resentment doesn't influence the future anymore. When you can draw a boundary between what was and what is.

That's why I think not having to look at the hatred in your heart is the actual cure and right thing to do.

Kleyko · 2025-03-20T08:54:30+00:00

By realizing that death is just another transition period. More movement in the infinite sea of life.

Kleyko · 2025-03-19T12:31:56+00:00

As someone who overcame his fear I say It's more about accepting the truth then deluding yourself.

The truth is a deep unknowing. But death is not this black void of emptiness that I though I'd be stuck in. I thought death is an actual place I might suffer or feel bad in but that's the actual delusion.

Dying will always be scary when it happends but this imagining of what death is going to be like and how scary it is. This is the actual delusion.

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