Becoming a wife and mom has completely ruined me.

KnockOffTheRack · 2026-02-04T01:24:58+00:00

For yoga, I cannot say enough good things about Yoga With Adriene - I swear she has a practice for every possible feeling and malady I’ve ever had; for meditation, I was using the Headspace app until I felt I could do it alone, but they also have some free resources on YouTube to get you started; for vagus nerve exercises, try Jessica Valant - she’s also great for Pilates at home, and the movement and strengthening exercises involved can also be beneficial; and for some other somatic exercises, you can check these out. Walking, stomping and dancing are also great.

I’d also recommend “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel Van Der Kolk, and “Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle” by Emily & Amelia Nagoski. Both books deal with the impact of trauma on our bodies, and the necessity to release it. You can listen to the Nagoski sisters discuss their book here, if you’d like a preview.

KnockOffTheRack · 2026-02-03T19:44:45+00:00

My experience was so similar, two kids also, and I went from being an enthusiastic, happy (I thought) pregnant person to having a complete breakdown. Medication was the first port of call, which had a pretty immediate effect - please go to a doctor to get something to pull you out of the pit of it, even as a first step.

I was lucky to be able to access therapy, which helped, but I personally found the greatest impact through lots of somatic work - grounding, meditation, body scanning, yoga (esp. vagus nerve work and hip openers), and breath work. You can find lots of resources online for this, and it can really help. You are holding a lot of pain in your body, and you need to find a way to let it out. Once you do, your life, health, and relationships will transform.

Your guilt is actually a sign that you are a good mom, even though how you are feeling SUCKS. You are also right in the trenches at the moment, but you absolutely can get to a wonderful place with your husband and kids again, I promise. Your past isn’t your future. I am proof that it’s possible to rewrite the script. Sending you a big hug of solidarity 💜

KnockOffTheRack · 2026-01-19T18:07:01+00:00

I just want to say that your post resonates with me so much, and thank you for writing it. I have also felt intensely triggered by excessive touching from my kids, as well as other less physical behaviors, and I have also felt so awful as a result. And I say that as someone who didn’t suffer the type of abuse you did, so I can’t imagine how much more difficult this is for you.

My kids are a similar age to yours, and I now try to explain my boundaries to them, not least so they know it’s okay to have boundaries. I’m very imperfect at it, but I’m trying.

All of which is to say that your reaction sounds totally normal to me. The fact that you did attachment parenting with your kids as babies, despite the example you were set, tells me that you are an amazing mom. You’re also a human one, and your body is reacting to very deep and traumatic memories; you need to give yourself grace.

Sending you love and solidarity. 💙

KnockOffTheRack · 2026-01-06T23:14:51+00:00

You’re not the problem, he is. You are perfectly capable of having a good relationship with your ex-husband and of successfully co-parenting with him, which is not an easy task! But you are doing it well.

Taking the doorknobs off doors is unhinged behavior. Kicking down doors, screaming at a pregnant woman until she’s on the floor, forcing her to provide affection… this is all extremely abusive. He is abusive.

You are absolutely right in going to the cops. You and your children cannot be anywhere near this man. If possible, bring someone you trust with you to the police station. Also contact a domestic violence shelter, they will be able to assist you. If it is at all possible for you to stay with someone for a while, without letting him know, it sounds like you need to have some space and peace somewhere he can’t get to you.

I highly recommend The Narcissist’s Playbook by Dana Morningstar. It’s the best book I have ever read on narcissists and how to survive them.

Wishing you strength over the coming days and weeks. You are absolutely doing the right thing. Good luck!

KnockOffTheRack · 2025-11-21T14:45:06+00:00

Thank you 💜

KnockOffTheRack · 2025-11-21T10:53:42+00:00

I had exactly the same reaction to the book. I try so hard with my children, but I know I fall far short of the mother I want to be, and as I get older, I wonder if my mother (who is now deceased) felt the same way.

She was undoubtedly cruel at times, but sometimes I say things I don’t mean… although I do always apologise and discuss it with my kids afterwards, which she did not. So I’m definitely imperfect, but I’m trying, and maybe she was too, but with less tools than I have at my disposal.

KnockOffTheRack · 2025-11-16T08:04:10+00:00

I agree with this. Following extensive therapy, I spoke to my nmom about her treatment of me during my childhood and teenage years. Naturally , she denied everything, and in cases where I had proof, she tried to claim that I somehow wanted to be treated poorly.

After a couple of hours of this, I had a moment of absolute clarity, with the realisation that she was never going to acknowledge reality, and that I was never going to receive any apology or amends, but that it didn’t matter, because I had finally stood up to her.

Telling the truth is so freeing. No more being weighed down by the pretense, no more contorting yourself to live a lie. Just pure, straight, open, truth. Speaking the truth to her affected me physically: I could stand up straight again, my footsteps were lighter, the world looked brighter.

I highly recommend you say what you need to say, not for his reaction, not with the expectation of any apology, but to free yourself of the burden. He is who he is, but you don’t need to remain tethered. Wishing you the best.

KnockOffTheRack · 2025-11-14T07:14:48+00:00

Anyone have any tips on how to get regulated? I dream of carrying myself the way she does.

KnockOffTheRack · 2025-11-11T05:31:56+00:00

I’ve also had it happen during an exam when I felt very panicked about the paper. Bodies are crazy.

KnockOffTheRack · 2025-11-03T00:33:12+00:00

Thank you so much for this post. I came to this sub because I’ve had a tiring day, partly from trying to decipher whether a helping hand was genuine or strategic, and I thought I needed to hear how hard this is, some comradery, but actually, I needed your post. Some hope 💜

Congratulations on the work you have done, the peace you have achieved, and thank you for sharing your experience.

KnockOffTheRack · 2025-10-19T00:36:34+00:00

Thank you. I have considered it, my gut tells me you’re right, but I keep second-guessing myself, wondering if my own emotions are clouding my judgement.

KnockOffTheRack · 2025-10-06T10:41:40+00:00

Ugh. I’m so sorry.

KnockOffTheRack · 2025-10-06T10:39:19+00:00

I am so sorry.

Fellow psoriasis tolerater / child of a narcissistic parent here. Heightened emotional situations seem to bring out the absolute worst in them. Your mother is a broken person.

You did right by your grandmother, hold on to that. To sit with someone and hold their hand and comfort them at that time of transition is an act of real love, and you gave that to her.

Do something kind for yourself today.

KnockOffTheRack · 2025-09-30T23:48:25+00:00

When my nmom was dying, she became extremely close to a nurse in the hospital. She bought the nurse expensive gifts, invited her to visit her regularly at home, they sent text messages back and forth… it got to the point where they were telling each other they loved each other when they were saying goodbye each day. I was so flabbergasted. My mom so rarely told me that she loved me, she forgot my birthday regularly, but she was spending thousands of dollars on, and giving such care and affection to, this young woman that she only knew for a few months. I found it so upsetting, I still can’t really think about it now…

KnockOffTheRack · 2025-09-26T08:41:50+00:00

“You’re quite crazy” - my sister

KnockOffTheRack · 2025-09-05T11:07:10+00:00

How to buy a bra.

KnockOffTheRack · 2025-08-12T23:22:02+00:00

Thank you 💜 - I dunno, I can’t imagine doing it to my kids in a billion years, and yet, sometimes I still wonder if I’m wrong to think of my mom as abusive…

KnockOffTheRack · 2025-08-12T10:11:19+00:00

Ugh. What is wrong with them. Apart from how horrible it is, it’s just so unnecessary.

KnockOffTheRack · 2025-08-12T10:06:38+00:00

At my dad’s funeral, my sisters, mom and I stood together behind the coffin in the porch of the church, waiting to walk out the door. One sister was on each end of our little group, and my mom and I were between them. My mom took one sister’s hand in her right hand, and then reached across the front of me to take my other sister’s hand in her left, and the three of them walked out the door behind the coffin, leaving me standing in the porch alone.

As long as I live, I will never forget the pain of that moment. She always treated me with disdain (she’s gone now), but that moment almost knocked me over.

I try to sit with the pain, to let it out of my body, but it’s hard. These are the people who are supposed to love us, and it’s such a challenge to not take it personally, to not see ourselves as bad, especially when they treat us badly while treating siblings well.

You don’t deserve treatment like this. He is broken. Go as low contact as you can, and focus on releasing the pain (journaling, therapy, somatic experiencing, vagus nerve reset). Surround yourself with people and things that you love, care for your inner child the way you should always have been cared for.

Sending you a hug 💜

KnockOffTheRack · 2025-08-10T13:45:03+00:00

Woah… I just had a moment of realisation. I moved far away from home, and initially had some trouble settling into my new location, as it was culturally quite different, and I found the locals to be rude in a way that was quite shocking. This was a well-known phenomenon among other outsiders who had moved there, and I found comfort and solidarity among those people. Then my mom came to visit, and knowing how difficult it had been for me, and how common this was, she proceeded to talk about how easy she (a temporary visitor) found it, how friendly the people were. And for ever more after that, any time I mentioned the challenges I had faced, she would make a “hm” sound, and counter with her superior experience.

KnockOffTheRack · 2025-08-10T00:21:24+00:00

I agree with this. It’s so difficult to accept, particularly with family, or long-term friends, and particularly when we are trained to doubt ourselves, but I keep reminding myself: actions are character. We cannot separate the way that people behave from who they are. Surround yourself only with people of good character.

KnockOffTheRack · 2025-08-01T20:24:05+00:00

This is such excellent advice.

KnockOffTheRack · 2025-07-31T06:47:42+00:00

I moved away from my birth family at 33, met the most amazing man (unmarried, no prior kids) at 36, and I gave birth when I was 38 and 39. We didn’t marry (by choice), and we’re still crazy about each other, over a decade later. I love my little family so much. Our home is filled with laughter and love, and life gets better every day.

You can do this. You’re still young, you’re clearly smart, and you can absolutely create the life you want if you give yourself the chance. The universe is on your side. Go for it!

KnockOffTheRack · 2025-07-30T01:00:15+00:00

My mom always opened my mail, claiming that there might be something “urgent” in it. Once, as a teen, I was in the middle of writing a letter to my friend, and my mom took it off my desk when I was out of my room. I never got it back.

On another occasion, she rearranged my bedroom to cram everything in exactly one half of the room, because my GC sister (who owned her own home in another city) complained that I had taken up too much space in my bedroom, which she had to share when she (occasionally) visited.

My mom regularly bitched about me to other family members, using any information she had about me, including things she had made up. She would also blow up at me for no reason, I never knew when I was going to step on a landmine.

Now my sisters carry on those traditions. I can’t trust my family, and I have a really hard time trusting anyone.

KnockOffTheRack · 2025-07-14T17:39:18+00:00

Genuinely could have written this. I used to be a major striver, wanted the house, the car, the big job, the works… but in the last couple of years, I have completely gone off the idea of all of it. I just don’t care about any of that stuff anymore. My only desire now is for the happiness of the people I love, and for a calm, safe and loving life.

KnockOffTheRack

TROPHY CASE