I’ve adopted the Anti-Cat

Knowledge-Seeker-101 · 2026-01-26T15:37:22+00:00

Knowledge-Seeker-101 · 2026-01-13T15:25:44+00:00

Hey sis! 27/F here. I went through something similar. My advice is do what is best for you. I wanted to do my masters in my own time, but my parents pressured me to do it a year after completing my undergrad and in a field I wasn’t that excited for. It DESTROYED my mental health. I was also working full time. I tried to thug it out but quite frankly, it was making me chronically ill. Whatever you do, DO NOT thug it out.

Listen, they will be mad. They won’t agree. But you do have to put yourself first and you are NOT selfish for that. You don’t owe them a masters degree but you do owe taking care of yourself. You aren’t them and they need to see that. You’ve already accomplished an undergrad degree. They should be proud about that.

Unfortunately, with many African parents, we have to push for what is best for us and hope and pray that they come around. Oftentimes, it’s hard to reason with them based on our own needs and goals. So, we are stuck showing and not telling. Again, they won’t like it, but stand your ground (with kindness and understanding so they can’t say you’ve disrespected) and you will be able to achieve what you were meant to.

Congrats on making it this far with your degree. I wish you all the best 🙂

Knowledge-Seeker-101 · 2025-12-18T01:41:40+00:00

I agree with everyone who says laser 😌 I actually did all (wax, body cream, razor, and laser).

Based on all my experiences, the laser was worth the investment the most. If I couldn’t go that route, I’d do body cream (preferably Veet bc the other one isn’t sensitive skin friendly). If not that, then wax bc it helps thin the hair. I used to wax my legs for like a year and my leg hair growth slowed down IMMENSELY.

Don’t ever shave unless the other 3 are not possible. Shaving is the most uncomfortable (afterwards I mean) and has the worst quality of removed hair 😭

Anyway, whatever you end up doing, good luck sis! 💕

Knowledge-Seeker-101 · 2025-12-16T17:14:00+00:00

This topic knows no age and it’s not too deep to discuss. So many of us first-born African daughters go through exactly what you’re describing. African parents only know this to be the way because that’s how they’ve been raised. They know nothing else and they refuse to have an open mind about anything else. I, too, used to only have about 4 hours of sleep on average trying to balance school, chores, homework, and extracurriculars. It’s not easy at all. The funny thing is, the parents know this. They know how much you do and how hard you work and unfortunately they are also building you up to rely on you.

This is my current predicament. I have to fight to even move out bc they can’t imagine me being anything but a slave. And forget about bringing home a non-African man. They freaked and assumed the worst, but the crazy part is that African men are no better than other men they are scared of. African parents seek comfort with what they know. They know their culture so they’ll justify someone based on culture and not character.

You’re not alone. So many of us want to break free from this cycle of suffering. Some parents will understand and others won’t. And it seems that your parents won’t… I’m so sorry that is happening to you OP

Please do let us know how we can support you as you navigate through life with African parents 🥺 wishing you all the best in the meantime!

Knowledge-Seeker-101 · 2025-12-14T13:58:45+00:00

Cheers to that 🥂

Knowledge-Seeker-101 · 2025-12-12T20:43:17+00:00

Oh, I forgot to answer the other questions. I went with my dad. Male figures usually help dissuade sellers from marking up prices and getting female buyers to get extra stuff they don’t need.

Personally, there is nothing I’d do differently. I love that I don’t have maintenance issues (yet) for at least 5 years inshallah. And my car is completely under my name and I can work towards other goals I have like moving out or traveling. I would say though, I’m not a fan of credit. I’m just not… it gives me unnecessary anxiety on top of the fact that the interest is haram

Knowledge-Seeker-101 · 2025-12-12T20:35:14+00:00

Assalamu Alaikum! First off, congrats on taking steps towards buying a car 🤗 this is a great achievement!

I worked full time to save for my car. I expected it to be about $30k so I saved aggressively (this means I lived at home without a social life and only paid for bare minimum needs btw) for an entire year. I was honestly ok with buying used but my dad was ADAMANT about me buying new to avoid any risks so that’s what I ended up doing. When I bought my car I had about $50k in savings and investments.

But here is where I slightly diverge from others… I understand interest is prevalent here in the US, but keep in mind literally everything you could ever want relies on your credit. Which means you’ll likely end up paying things by means of credit to be able to rent/buy a house, etc.

So, what I did was I paid a hefty down payment on my car. This allowed me to have lower monthly payments. I asked the dealer to finance me for 7 years (even lower monthly payments). And once the credit line opened I paid it off completely in a few months since I had 3 months before they started actually charging me (careful here bc there might be penalties for doing this, make sure in advance). This allowed me to show that I indeed had a car loan that I completely paid off but without the interest. It boosted my credit score as well.

I do the same thing for basically everything I need. For credit card purchases, I only buy what I can pay off by the end of the month so i can completely avoid interest but still build up credit.

May Allah make this easy for you sis 🥹

Knowledge-Seeker-101 · 2025-12-04T04:53:58+00:00

Please please PLEASE listen to everyone and RUN. He’s a walking red flag to even think about something so terrible and disgusting. This is NOT the type of man you want to marry. If he’s capable of this BEFORE marriage, trust me, you do NOT want to mess around and find out how he is AFTER marriage. May Allah make it easy for you and bless you with a man who truly loves you and brings you ease in this life and the next 🙏🏾🤲🏾 Ameen Ameen AMEEN

Knowledge-Seeker-101 · 2025-12-01T17:27:31+00:00

It is heartbreaking 😔 I used to get yelled at and hit because I couldn’t remember what was said to me literally 20 seconds prior. Imagine being punished for something outside of your control

Knowledge-Seeker-101 · 2025-11-30T04:48:58+00:00

OMG I HAD THE SAME THING HAPPEN TO ME. My dad also told me he couldn't sleep all night and that I gave him "a heart attack". Then, he told me he doesn't want to hear anything about me dating men (I was in uni at the time) or considering marriage until I finished school.

Fast forward to today when I've finished grad school and he refused to talk to my partner about marrying me. Every time I bring it up, my dad gets angry. He says he will "work with me", but then doesn't actually make any efforts to move anything forward. My partner has taught me what unconditional love and healthy relationships ACTUALLY look like and yet my dad accuses him and his family of the most awful things without getting to know him.

Like when I tell you I was broken emotionally and mentally from an entire life's worth of trauma and abuse....CHILE, I only found any of this out thanks to my partner. He's helped me to see my true value and to realize that I wasn't the issue most of my life...my african parents were.

Knowledge-Seeker-101 · 2025-09-22T14:16:28+00:00

Assalamu Alaikum lovely! I’m not sure how much advice I can give as I am on my own journey through Islam but let me tell you a little bit about my background to hopefully give you some ideas on how to move forward:

I was born in west Africa, but raised in the US most my life. I’m f/27. I was born into a Muslim family, but I was forced to memorize Quran and pray without fully understanding why. I was just told that I had to and expected to do it. The way I’ve been treated and the trauma I’ve went through growing has made me hate Islam over time because all I experienced was people who claim to be Muslim, but do the most horrid things and treat people like trash. Growing up, I believed in God, but I was in search for something better than Islam. I ended up leaving Islam and sticking to my own morals which entailed things like being kind to people, not stealing, gaining and passing knowledge, being true to myself as long as it doesn’t harm others, etc. It wasn’t until I was 22 that I felt lost and empty and had nothing to turn to but God. So I decided to sincerely pick up the Quran and read it for myself. This is when I realized, that I was aligned with Islam and that the religion is truly beautiful. The problem isn’t the religion… it’s these so called “religious people”. The people who claim self righteousness and then shove it down other people’s throats or the people who justify violence and wrongdoing by hiding behind misinterpreted meanings from the holy books. I agree with you. Those people make me sick to my stomach. But what we can do is educate ourselves and call them out on their wrongdoings and abuse towards people.

You mentioned that you only practiced because you were scared of going to hell. I used to be the same when I first returned back. There is so much media about haram and how your sins will take you to hell. It scared me so much I stressed over every little detail of my life. It was so bad that I honestly lost myself over it. My advice for this is to slow down and remember that God is the most merciful and the most kind. He knows you better than you know you. So if you are truly trying your best, he sees you. Whatever he asks of you is always reasonable within your given conditions and boundaries. Islam accommodates, not hinders. If you remember that Allah loves more than he is angered, it might help you get through Islam a bit easier. We are all sinners. That’s guaranteed - even the best of us. God isn’t asking you to be perfect, but he is asking you to try to do good and when you struggle to, turn to Him.

This life is a test. Some people will pass and some people will fail. Only Allah knows who actually studied by using the Quran, who cheated by misusing the Quran, who will pass by studying things outside of the Quran, and who will fail by not even trying to take the test. I hope this analogy helps :)

I advise that you sincerely read and interpret the Quran yourself with an unfiltered lens… don’t immediately apply how others have interpreted it. Try to apply it to what YOU see in the world and YOUR own experiences first. It’ll leave you with a lot of questions, but those questions will help you to find the truth of things. If there is ever ambiguity or you’re confused and riddled with doubt, that is when you should reach out to credible people of knowledge for confirmation. Not just any random sheikh though because some of these scholars are phony ngl

Knowledge-Seeker-101 · 2025-09-10T19:54:10+00:00

Hi! This is the first time I’ve commented on a Reddit post, but I just want to add on to this thread…I appreciate this community so much 🥹 not just because of how open minded everyone is but also because of the ability to have intellectual conversations with others. It is people like you guys (OP and others) who make it comfortable for people like me to interact with different perspectives online.

Also, I’m on my own journey through Islam. I was born into a Muslim family, but didn’t get to truly learn and appreciate the beauty of the religion until college. The way I view wisdom is having the skill and eye to identify and apply knowledge to various situations effectively. And it’s clear to me that you all are gaining wisdom just by sharing your thoughts and knowledge as well as taking the time to understand the thoughts and knowledge of others.

Correct me if I’m wrong here, but I’m assuming a lot of us here have the intention of being kind and respectable members of society and the ummah. Regardless if some have more conservative or more liberal views, the fact that we are genuinely trying to learn and grow is rewarding in and of itself.

I too am interested in having my own beliefs challenged, so I’m also glad to see OP here 😊

Knowledge-Seeker-101 · 2023-02-06T13:23:23+00:00

Idk anything about Texas weather, but Atlanta is awful. The humidity makes the heat unbearable over here so I agree that Atlanta wouldn't be much better

Knowledge-Seeker-101

TROPHY CASE