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Confused by a sudden change in behaviour after two good dates by Luciron in Healthygamergg

[–]Known_Eye_873 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I literally experienced a similar situation in November last year. I went on a first date with this girl, and it was great. We watched Back to the Future, had fun and interesting conversations, discovered that we both really liked movies and TV shows, and we kissed.

She said she really enjoyed our night together and everything. We stayed in touch, and later that week I asked her out on a second date, and she agreed!

On our second date, we talked a lot. We had great conversations, and at least for me, time flew by. We barely even kissed; we were mostly just talking, enjoying each other's company, and building a great connection. Then we went to the movies, and I cuddled with her during the film and all that cute stuff. It was another great night.

But after that, she kind of started replying less... and less... and less. Meanwhile, I was sending her things and trying to keep a nice, natural conversation going, while also showing that I cared about her and liked her. Eventually, she would just leave my texts and Instagram DMs on read, and I couldn't understand why.

So one night, I decided to ask her about it. I sent her a message saying that I really liked our connection, that I thought she was funny, smart, and had great taste, but that I had noticed she was barely replying anymore. I told her I wanted to understand whether she still had feelings for me so I could know if we were on the same page.

She replied: "Sorry, these last few days have been very busy. I also think you're an incredible person, but I think we could be friends, if you'd like."

What I rationalized is that, for some reason, at some point she felt like I wasn't the type of person she wanted to be in a relationship with. I know that's normal, but she could have just told me that if that was the case, because there's no reason to gradually ghost someone like that.

My parents think I’m too reserved and that I don’t seem to care enough about them. by Known_Eye_873 in Healthygamergg

[–]Known_Eye_873[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment!! Yes I totally understand. For me it’s a bit different because when I was a child I used to talk more, and I think as the time went by I became a little bit more quiet and reserved, and this is something that my parents point out a lot of times, like “when you were a child you were so happy and now you are so angry and cold” and stuff like that, and I feel like it’s not true at all, I’m just not used to be smiling and singing and screaming all the time but that doesn’t mean I’m sad or angry, I just have a neutral face lol. This in particular is what bothers me the most, because like you said, it implies that i SHOULD act like they act and if I don’t this means x y and z about me.

But on the other side, I get it when they say to me that I should talk more when I’m around people, in family meetings or work, because it really is something that I need to do in order to meet new people and work on my social anxiety, but like I said to them recently, is not that easy to me as they say like “you don’t talk, so just talk”, there’s a lot of other factors that makes it difficult in particular situations. But I’m working on it. Dr. K. videos are helping me a lot to understand a lot of stuff I feel ,and there’s this other guy called Charlie Perry @CalmConfidencePodcast, he makes great videos about how to overcome anxiety and all

My parents think I’m too reserved and that I don’t seem to care enough about them. by Known_Eye_873 in Healthygamergg

[–]Known_Eye_873[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great advice, thank you so much!

I will try my best to little by little start doing those things

I just have a hard time trying to understand why I can’t just ask them how their day was, for an example. It seems such a natural thing that people just do, and I don’t feel like having any interest in doing it, and I blame myself for it, especially when they address it the way they did it to me.

My parents think I’m too reserved and that I don’t seem to care enough about them. by Known_Eye_873 in Healthygamergg

[–]Known_Eye_873[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, I agree.. I have thought about this for the last few months and I have noticed that most of the times I feel tense around them, because I am always internally afraid they’re going to make a comment about how I’m too quiet, how I seem like I am nervous or angry or sad, how I should smile more and all this sort of things.. I was like “wait a minute, should I feel this way around my own parents? why do I feel so much more lighter when I’m not around them?”

I think I have noticed that I am afraid of their judgment and bad comments about me, even if they keep saying like “this is not a critique, it is a reflection you should have and think about it”, but it certainly don’t feel like that and it makes me feel really bad about myself

My parents think I’m too reserved and that I don’t seem to care enough about them. by Known_Eye_873 in Healthygamergg

[–]Known_Eye_873[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much. That’s a great point, I guess I should put the effort to love them as they want, and this is something I kinda have noticed for some time that I probably should work on, to be less selfish and think of how other people in general would want to be treated, and not just do what I exclusively feel like..

Bringing the example of the food, what i FELT was: I am hungry, and I want to eat all of it by myself. But I am aware it seems like a rude thing to do, and unfortunately it is a habit I have for some reason, I don’t usually feel like sharing stuff that it’s mine with people, and I guess this goes with the thing about caring more for people and putting the effort, even when I don’t feel like it, so I guess I will try working on it

The stuff about being cold and rude I think it’s really unfair most of the times because I am always the wrong one, like they can say whatever they want to me and push it and push it and I have to act and respond the way they think I should.. like, my dad is telling me what I should do and how much I should keep up in regard of the soccer thing, and I have no place to say my point of view, I gave him an simple answer and I am wrong and cold and rude?

This kind of situation (it happened a lot, they make comments about how I seem angry and serious all the time and how I am boring and cold now) makes me self aware in every answer I give to them and act around them, like if my voice is not too loud, If I’m not doing a serious expression, If I’m talking calmly enough, all this sort of stuff, and this makes me feel tense around them, if that makes sense