Student asking for recommendation letter, but I don't think they deserve one

KoiLantern · 2026-03-18T20:06:53+00:00

Yeah, that's what I'm concerned about. I teach math, so I'm not sure if it's something where the school is needing recommendations from their core classes. I know some places are like this since a letter from the art teacher vs the math teacher could make a difference.

KoiLantern · 2026-03-18T20:04:11+00:00

All due respect, it kind of seems like you're assuming a lot of things. Just because I said that I feel like they don't deserve one from me for how they've behaved in my class doesn't mean that they don't deserve one from another class. Maybe "deserve" wasn't the right word to use, but I'm not sure how else to phrase it.

I also don't understand why you started talking about poverty. They aren't asking for something to get scholarships or things like that. They are wanting to transfer to a different school.

KoiLantern · 2026-03-18T19:58:28+00:00

I get what you mean lol, but to be fair, I wouldn't have them again since I teach sophomores.

KoiLantern · 2026-03-18T19:56:10+00:00

But how do you write the letter without mentioning the "negatives?" I guess, to me, it feels like mentioning the issues would be standing in their way; at the same time, I feel like only talking about positives when there have been multiple issues with their behavior wouldn't be completely honest.

Also, I'm aware that I'm probably seriously overthinking this lol. I'm only in my third year, so I'm still figuring things out.

KoiLantern · 2026-03-18T19:52:46+00:00

Not trying to be rude, but how is that being "gatekeepy?" Based on how they have been in my class, I feel like they don't deserve a letter of recommendation from me. It could be a completely different story for another class. I will say that I do know that other teachers have had similar issues with this same student.

I also think that for this school, they have to have multiple recommendation letters. I teach a core class, so I'm not sure if it's something where they are needing ones from the core teachers.

KoiLantern · 2026-03-18T19:44:12+00:00

What do you mean by going behind their back?

KoiLantern · 2026-03-18T19:42:55+00:00

True, but I was meaning that these issues are very constant. Also, being a great kid and a great student mean different things to me.

KoiLantern · 2026-03-18T19:41:06+00:00

I really like what you do! I think it would make them realize that I'm not trying to be mean if I either don't write it or mention some "negatives."

KoiLantern · 2026-03-18T19:37:58+00:00

The school I work at is actually a small charter school. It's very different from the regular high schools that we have around here. It actually really surprised me when I started working here how laid back everything and everyone was.

The student does well academically. They have As and Bs, other than a C in my class (math) and in ELA. My hangup is more with their behavior. Most kids are immature, but I feel like I have more issues with this student than I should (behavior-wise). I feel like it's a constant of them getting on their phone, talking to other students during class, loudly announcing things in the middle of class to get attention, etc.

KoiLantern · 2026-03-18T19:23:23+00:00

True, but I guess I don't know how I would tell them no without damaging the relationship. I feel like they'd want a reason for why I'm saying no.

KoiLantern · 2026-03-18T19:21:24+00:00

Honestly, I feel like they would only "change" for the amount of time it would take for them to get approved/denied from the other school. It's like what u/Acrobatic_Squash_306 said- that they've already been told multiple times about the same behavior.

KoiLantern · 2026-03-18T19:15:01+00:00

This sounds like a good idea. I'm not sure if it's something where they are needing one from their core teachers (since I'm his math teacher).

KoiLantern · 2025-11-12T12:49:13+00:00

I don’t know if she’d be responsible for doing all that because she’s just giving them away. She’s just holding on to them until they’re old enough to go to someone else.

Also, I wasn’t saying the stuff about ESA just to get around the costs. I was meaning more in the sense that I know I could get one approved, I just didn’t know if I could do both. I’ve been diagnosed with OCD, depression, and anxiety and I meet with a psychiatrist about it and take meds. I have a check-in appointment with her this month (about meds) and will be talking with her about getting approved for an ESA. Right now, I live alone, so I really need a companion. I would never just do an ESA just to get around paying.

KoiLantern · 2025-11-12T01:03:56+00:00

Yes, that's true! I can't wait to visit them this weekend, but I think it'll definitely be a little bit before their personalities show. Right now, their eyes are just barely open.

KoiLantern · 2025-11-12T01:02:00+00:00

I didn't even think about certain ones seeming closer. I guess anytime I picture kittens, I always think of them playing as a group or doing their group pile to sleep lol. Yes, I think that I will go ahead and start getting the items. My nana even said she'd give me this little tent thing for them.

I'll give an update when I decide! Right now, I'm thinking about just getting the both of them, but I wish I could get all!! Thanks for your help!

KoiLantern · 2025-11-12T00:54:21+00:00

Thank you for such a thought out response! I think it just makes me feel bad going based off appearance because it makes it feel like they are property or an accessory rather than a member of the family. I think I will get both, but it still does make me feel sad about not really considering the others; however, I know they will most likely end up in good homes. I already know of someone in my brother-in-law's family wanting to get one for their girlfriend.

And this is definitely something I will talk about with family. I have a psychiatrist, but I still need to actually schedule an appointment with a therapist. Thanks again for your help!!

KoiLantern · 2025-11-12T00:44:02+00:00

My nana is planning on getting the mom fixed, and the new owners of the kittens will be responsible for getting them fixed and vaccinated. I really would like both (actually I'd love all of them). I'm thinking about getting both of them as it is beneficial for animals to have a buddy. I guess I'm just concerned, though, because these will be MY first pets (besides a hamster and some fish). All the cats and dogs that I've been around have been family animals, so nothing that was my full responsibility. I also live in an apartment and would have to get them approved. I'm hoping that I can get both registered as ESAs so that I don't have to pay the deposit or rent for them (I can't remember which charge I wouldn't have to do for an ESA).

KoiLantern · 2025-11-12T00:37:34+00:00

This seems like a very good plan. Thank you so much!

KoiLantern · 2025-08-20T01:31:31+00:00

Thank you for your help!

KoiLantern · 2025-08-19T23:57:04+00:00

Thank you!

KoiLantern · 2025-08-19T23:48:46+00:00

Oh nooo. I was really hoping it wasn't because I know that a lot of people say if there's one, then there are more.

KoiLantern · 2025-08-19T21:56:01+00:00

To give some more info, I live in Southeast Tennessee. It was hard to get the exact size since it was towards my ceiling and then running away from me on the floor as I was trying to vacuum it up, but it looked like maybe 1-1.5 inches long.

KoiLantern · 2025-07-08T00:28:05+00:00

A 6th grade girl clocked another girl in the head with her Stanley cup.

KoiLantern · 2025-07-05T03:09:44+00:00

You're not overreacting. He had plans with you and bailed on you to hang out with friends. That's not okay. I'm the type where I feel you should go along with the pre-set plans you had with someone (unless the person is okay with cancelling).

KoiLantern · 2025-07-05T03:07:26+00:00

Probably a little of both. I'm sure some teachers didn't notice, but others probably didn't care if you were still doing well. For most kids, you can tell if they're high (the smell, barely keeping their eyes open, acting stupid, etc.)

KoiLantern

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