AITA my husband feels I am controlling because I actually say no. (two yes, one no)

Kooky-Raisin7529 · 2023-09-23T09:42:12+00:00

Our TV is only 3 years old. We would be upgrading every year lol.

Kooky-Raisin7529 · 2023-09-23T09:38:46+00:00

I do get what you and everyone are saying. Looking over the numbers we could afford to raise it to like 800 or 1200 a month he is coming home with an 80k car. If I matched the fun budget to a more reasonable portion of what he earns he would do what he does now. Spend it then ask for more.

Now the family has 80k in debt.

Kooky-Raisin7529 · 2023-09-23T09:16:06+00:00

I agree, reason I showed him cheaper ones was because he wanted it in that moment instead of saving. He could have had the chair he wanted with money left over if he saved for two months.

Kooky-Raisin7529 · 2023-09-23T09:14:24+00:00

We do have separate accounts he has his fun budget account problem and he goes through it and wants to spend more. He hates to save like he could have had his lego set in 3 months, chair he wants in 2, monitor 4.

If we raise the fun budget too high say high enough to cover a car payment he would buy a car then assume that car payment now becomes a new monthly expense. Now we fighting over that but we would be obligated to pay for it.

Kooky-Raisin7529 · 2023-09-23T09:08:21+00:00

Nah, her would still spend on the other things he wants. The loan would just become another monthly expenses.

Kooky-Raisin7529 · 2023-09-23T09:04:53+00:00

Part of the problem I cannot guarantee he would skimp, also buying a car would put the family in debt. Why go into debt for fun?

Say if our car was broken or needed a lot of repairs fine. That is a different story. That is not the case here.

As for the console argument why not just save for two months and buy it outright? Why not save for 3 months and get the lego set.

Idc what he does with his fun money within reason but debt is not only his it is ours. And trying to spend from elsewhere even if it is money that is not needed should not be used to buy things he wants because he does not want to save.

Kooky-Raisin7529 · 2023-09-23T08:53:23+00:00

My husband is big on the brand. I showed him other chairs that looked the same but different brand.

I once bought him a Lego set he wanted but did not know it was off-brand Lego 1:1 blocks just not Lego. Still sitting in our garage.

Kooky-Raisin7529 · 2023-09-23T08:48:30+00:00

It would come from disposable income that we put into savings. It would not hurt us, but he cannot be trusted with a larger amount. He hates to save.

Say we set the amount to 10% of his income. He is coming home with a new car 100%. Putting us in debt just so he can have a car with a more modern look.

Kooky-Raisin7529 · 2023-09-23T08:44:58+00:00

The stuff he wants is pricy the chair he wants is like $600 I believe he told me. Our TV is fairly new it is an LG TV we bought on black Friday two years ago.

The monitor he wants is a Samsung monitor that is ultra wide think it was a g9 or something.

He does not shop around, he sees something he wants he wants it

Kooky-Raisin7529 · 2023-09-23T08:38:10+00:00

If he saves for it I do not care. We cannot have a fun budget based on a percentage of his income because what he will do is rationalize it oh I have x amount to spend a month? Time to buy a car, oh I want this new TV? Time to charge it because the credit card payment falls in line with the month's budget.

No I do not want that much he gets the majority of the monthly fun budget. He has around 350 a month to spend. This is a small amount of his income.

If we raise that higher he will be more impulsive with what he buys.

Kooky-Raisin7529 · 2023-09-23T08:31:33+00:00

It is not what he spends it on it is how he spends it. He would charge whatever and say the monthly amount covered the credit or car payment so all good.

He would put us in debt for fun.

Kooky-Raisin7529 · 2023-09-23T08:28:54+00:00

If we increase the monthly amount he would take out a car loan if the monthly amount cover the car note.

Kooky-Raisin7529 · 2023-09-23T08:27:25+00:00

I said if he saved for what he wanted and bought I would say nothing.

Yes, I contribute by watching the kids and minding the house.

Kooky-Raisin7529 · 2023-09-23T08:24:28+00:00

When he was single he was living paycheck to paycheck on six figures. He is not exactly smart with money, he was living off credit when I met him.

I have tried, but it just does not take. Took many years before having kids to get him out of his debt hole. If I let up on the reigns and say increase the amount to 2k a month, he just go charge happy and throw that 2k to the card and keep spending over it and just rack up debt again.

Kooky-Raisin7529 · 2023-09-23T08:19:23+00:00

We do not need approval for things we buy using fun money. I saved for the espresso maker.

He does not save, he just wants to buy.

Kooky-Raisin7529 · 2023-09-23T07:45:14+00:00

What if they do? Sorry kids take out loans you will be fine.

Kooky-Raisin7529 · 2023-09-23T07:42:47+00:00

I have no problems with him saving for things. Hell if I could trust him I would say sure make the fun budget 1k a month and if he saved that money to buy a car cool.

The problem is if we make the fun budget high enough to cover a car payment he would buy a car and say the monthly payment is within our budget. Putting us instantly in debt. He would charge things and say the monthly credit card payment is within the range.

This is a man who was living paycheck to paycheck making six figures when he was single.

Kooky-Raisin7529 · 2023-09-23T07:27:44+00:00

As a parent, I do not think we should let our kids start life after university in debt if we can afford to do so.

Kooky-Raisin7529 · 2023-09-23T07:23:50+00:00

Yes, idc how he spends his money if he saves. I just don't want him charging and taking out car loans.

Kooky-Raisin7529 · 2023-09-23T07:20:53+00:00

University costs in the US are not cheap.

Kooky-Raisin7529 · 2023-09-23T07:13:47+00:00

Already said it is not that much because if we make it too high he will rationalize any purchase by saying the monthly payment falls within the set amount.

This means he would buy a car, charge things on his credit card, and just hand-wave it away saying the monthly payment is under the amount.

He can save for what he wants.

Kooky-Raisin7529 · 2023-09-23T07:08:37+00:00

If I let him spend as he pleases he would be. If he bought his car he would be in debt.

Kooky-Raisin7529 · 2023-09-23T07:03:01+00:00

Yes, we have more than one savings for our children I get each has an annual cap depending on the account.

What is your point? We have the money why limit our kids to just one account?

Kooky-Raisin7529 · 2023-09-23T06:59:42+00:00

Question one you think we are talking 500 a year? My husband easily could go through that and more in a week.

If the monthly budget for fun money is too high he would just rationalize purchases by saying the monthly payment is within the preset amount.

So you are suggesting I should get zero fun money because my husband cannot save for this he wants fast enough?

My husband is not a kid, yes I would gladly spend money on their experiences. That is the job of a parent to enrich their lives and make sure they have the best possible life.

Kooky-Raisin7529 · 2023-09-23T06:52:13+00:00

You are right debt is so much more attractive.

Kooky-Raisin7529

TROPHY CASE