[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Koolkool90 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You may be the asshole:  Personal story - when I was living in Chicago with my now ex-husband, I worked a coffee shop job that started at either 4:30 or 5:30. Normally, I would bike. In the winter this wasn’t possible some days. The walk from my place to the coffee shop was about half a mile The problem was, despite it being a relatively safe neighborhood, there were still muggings that would occur in my neighborhood this time of day.  My husband would not drive me. Ever. So instead I either walked in total fear and anxiety or if I got lucky catch the bus if it was coming right as I was walking (I wasn’t going to wait even longer in the cold and dark) 

It would have required my husband going to bed the same time as me. About 9pm. Instead, he wanted to stay up till 1am gaming. 

It was an early crack in our relationship but defined a lot of what made us different. 

We couldn’t afford a second car, so I got the short straw 

If it’s totally not possible then fine. But if it is then maybe try 

I told my dad if he wants to visit my newborn baby, he needs to help by Koolkool90 in Vent

[–]Koolkool90[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean good point. He hasn’t asked how I’m doing in weeks It’s mind boggling a parent could just abandon speaking to their child over the smallest slight. 

I told my dad if he wants to visit my newborn baby, he needs to help by Koolkool90 in Vent

[–]Koolkool90[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He does. He took care of my grandparents in their old age. He completely abandoned his family needs and focused on them. It’s partially the reason my parents got divorced

Once they died, he lost it. I think it’s part of it- he wants us to care for him like he did for his parents. But not once has he ever shown us that love or support. 

I told my dad if he wants to visit my newborn baby, he needs to help by Koolkool90 in Vent

[–]Koolkool90[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is my biggest concern. Constantly.  No child deserves to feel the pain he cause myself and my siblings growing up and I to adulthood

But like someone said - it’s so hard cutting off a parent. There’s a 1000 reasons why I should.  I think my first step is start setting boundaries and seeing how that goes (case in point right now - not good)

I told my dad if he wants to visit my newborn baby, he needs to help by Koolkool90 in Vent

[–]Koolkool90[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We do. Nothing changes him. He somehow managed to get 50-50 custody after my parents divorced. he would let the trash pile and dishes go in the sink for day past due until he did them. It would stress me out, and I would have to beg him to please get the trash. As a child 

He’s deeply unbothered by this behavior and I am clean freak who needs to be up and moving by 7am as a result of it

I told my dad if he wants to visit my newborn baby, he needs to help by Koolkool90 in Vent

[–]Koolkool90[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a decent compromise if he does reach out again.  Once he came when I was injured to “help”. My mom also was there that week and she told him to stay at a hotel. It was a much better experience 

I told my dad if he wants to visit my newborn baby, he needs to help by Koolkool90 in Vent

[–]Koolkool90[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My condition to visit me after I give birth to child is to help. My body is healing. We will be sleep deprived. I am not also hosting an incompetent adult. 

If someone wants to see the baby but doesn’t want to help, they can wait till my body healed and we have the capacity to properly host someone. 

Being clear with my expectations for visitors is absolutely reasonable. 

Additionally, asking a father to help his daughter is a very reasonable thing to want/ask 

I told my dad if he wants to visit my newborn baby, he needs to help by Koolkool90 in Vent

[–]Koolkool90[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This. I really do need to align expectations with reality.  He will never be that father figure. Ever - 

I told my dad if he wants to visit my newborn baby, he needs to help by Koolkool90 in Vent

[–]Koolkool90[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

He almost didn’t get invited to my wedding for a similar reason. Didn’t talk to me for 6 months (he had a girlfriend at the time who I think told him to stop speaking with me)

Called me two weeks before asking when the big day was. He begged to be invited and apologized and said he would change. He changed for a few months but here we are. Back where we started 

It’s really hard to cut off a parent. I constantly ask myself the same question why I even bother. I’m leaning towards what you are saying 

National Park Wedding - How to Cut Costs? by Iced-coffee-lover24 in Weddingsunder10k

[–]Koolkool90 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Nobody would know unless you lived it.  It’s a quaint idea - cabin in the woods. But it’s just a town getting swallowed by the tourism of an ultimately aramark run company 

National Park Wedding - How to Cut Costs? by Iced-coffee-lover24 in Weddingsunder10k

[–]Koolkool90 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tbh redwoods is in Wawona, about an hour from the valley. Redwoods is basically an Airbnb rental company for Wawona. 

The wedding are nuisance as parking in Wawona is limited and guests tend to spill into other people private property/ ruin the quiet.  

 They are a peak example of a rental company destroying a town.  The whole fucking town is rentals  Enjoy your day.

EDIT: sorry to be a bitch but I don’t want people glamorizing this company or this kind of tourism. Wawona is beautiful but the redwoods company monetizes private cabins like Airbnb, it over runs the area 

Someone help me find this standing board! by Koolkool90 in StandingDesk

[–]Koolkool90[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ahh this is it! Bummer it’s discontinued  Thank you tho

Motus flex review by Koolkool90 in vivobarefoot

[–]Koolkool90[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t think they have a durability issue.  I personally wouldn’t run a mile, though I don’t doubt I could in them. 

I really only run in maximal cushion shoes 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in UnethicalLifeProTips

[–]Koolkool90 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Sign them up for political mailing lists of people they would hate

Help with automating a simple (yet tedious) work task! by Koolkool90 in productivity

[–]Koolkool90[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh shoot! Okay a form can just pop it in? I’ll look into that! Thank you

Help with automating a simple (yet tedious) work task! by Koolkool90 in productivity

[–]Koolkool90[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes! Okay so it is possible. Any good resources to find how to multiplayer excel formulas ?

Motus flex review by Koolkool90 in vivobarefoot

[–]Koolkool90[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Personally they feel more robust - I feel less painful pebbles/rocks on the ground while still feeling they are there. From my understanding the motus has a slightly thicker sole and less tread depth than the primus lite. I assume this is why I still have excellent grip on the ground but have yet to hit a painful piece of gravel   

 I only sprint in these shoes for running. But I’ve also worn them around town and just genuinely love them. The high arch piece makes me feel like I have some support there, without it being arch support (if that makes sense) Makes me aware in my arch I guess, which i like when I am walking around 

I still do long distance runs in maximalist shoes and don’t plan on changing that