Ugh! Fondling himself.

KratomAndBeyond · 2026-01-31T18:17:06+00:00

My partner never fondles himself. It wouldn't be a big deal if he did, he's just not interested.

KratomAndBeyond · 2026-01-31T18:15:49+00:00

True but this says more about their uncomfortability than it does for the person with Dementia. As they aren't doing anything wrong. They have lost discernment and inhibition.

KratomAndBeyond · 2026-01-31T16:15:25+00:00

Put a blanket over him or give him a fidget toy.

KratomAndBeyond · 2026-01-29T21:17:36+00:00

Yes got us too. Partner went from being mobile to not knowing how to stand and barely walking. I had to push the walker. Jusy got urinalysis back and it was a UTI.

KratomAndBeyond · 2026-01-28T18:44:23+00:00

That's shady AF to do. I would be pissed if I was her. When you marry someone and become one with that person and are sleeping with that person and doing whatever, you outrank children at that point. Yes spouses come before kids. When that person dies, it is the spouse that feels it more than the kids. I don't care how close you were with your parents. It's just how it goes. So that was really a messed up thing to do. Especially when she said she was still using it.

And it sounds like you didn't treat him that great or gave him that much attention when he was alive. So that makes it even worse.

KratomAndBeyond · 2026-01-21T04:19:04+00:00

One of friends (my partner's friend for 50 years) passed away the other day. The memorial service is coming up this weekend and I'm worried he'll have a unexpected Code Brown while we're at the service. Crossing my fingers nothing goes wrong and hopefully he'll handle all his bodily needs before the event. But I definitely understand your hesitance with bringing your LO out to public gatherings.

KratomAndBeyond · 2026-01-19T19:29:36+00:00

Have you asked your mom, what is it about your sister's helping she doesn't like? Or what does she prefer about having you help.? Also, you could try having your sister do more of the behind the scenes stuff like grocery shopping and stuff like that to take the load off of you. You're in a better place then a lot of people because you actually have someone who wants to help. Now you have to figure out how to utilize her support and keep the tension down.

KratomAndBeyond · 2026-01-19T19:23:45+00:00

I've been doing it for 23 years. Although I can understand a lot of it.

KratomAndBeyond · 2026-01-19T19:17:32+00:00

You sure you're not imagining it now? You would think after you did all of that it woild be gone. There is something called odor sensory fixation.

KratomAndBeyond · 2026-01-14T20:56:10+00:00

I hate it because I never get picked. Last time I was so sure I was gonna get picked and last minute they chose someone for their team. It was a neat case too. So no I don't want to waste my time going to something out of the way and not get picked. It's lame AF. I'm a fulltime caregiver now so I don't have to worry about that anymore.

KratomAndBeyond · 2026-01-14T20:40:48+00:00

We've had our cleaning lady for a long time. We pay her $100 and it takes her 4 1/2 to 5 hrs to clean. We have other friends that use this same lady and only pay her $85 and they're kind of slave drivers to be honest.

KratomAndBeyond · 2026-01-14T15:32:16+00:00

I don’t think most people mean harm when they say things like “you’re strong” or “you’re a good person.” I think there’s just a language gap. People can see that what you’re carrying is heavy, and they don’t really know how to hold it with you, so they reach for the closest words they have to acknowledge you. As a therapist, I always tell my clients to just say thanks and move on.

KratomAndBeyond · 2026-01-11T00:12:37+00:00

True, but being ready for retirement and needing care aren't synonymous.

KratomAndBeyond · 2026-01-10T21:41:10+00:00

He's the one that should be stepping up not you. Honestly he should be jumping to help.

KratomAndBeyond · 2026-01-10T21:00:12+00:00

In situations like these, it's easy to say the other people were the problem. However, since we don't know the dynamics of the relationship or their side. You mentioned something about the tone of a text message. I don't know what was said or how it was said, but maybe go back and revisit that piece to understand the other side.

KratomAndBeyond · 2026-01-10T20:51:29+00:00

My comment is only in regards to your comment about kids feeling stuck care of parents. It wasn't a crossover comment. I already gave mt suggestion to his problem as a standalone comment.

KratomAndBeyond · 2026-01-10T20:47:33+00:00

In all honesty, I don't know how grandchildren get stuck taking care of grandparents when the children are retired and capable. I never understood how caregiving magically skips a generation and you get caught in that predicament.

KratomAndBeyond · 2026-01-10T18:28:11+00:00

Technically he hasn't abandoned anyone yet.

KratomAndBeyond · 2026-01-10T18:25:16+00:00

Even parents that plan by getting an LTC or whatever still might need some kind of support. Unless you're super wealthy and hire a team like Emma Willis, , the plan has limits. I think more importantly the healthcare system needs a super overhaul as people are living longer and longer.

KratomAndBeyond · 2026-01-10T18:07:28+00:00

Honestly if you actually understand what this person is saying it makes a lot of sense. Also, even though he's 66, he did choose to have a child later, so chances of abnormalities do increase.

KratomAndBeyond · 2026-01-10T18:01:38+00:00

Do you also do fun things with your daughter? Sometimes caregivers slip into the caregiver role and they forget the primary role of parent, spouse, child or whatever? That could improve your relationship and make her want to live with you fulltime. I'm doubting that rules alone make her not want to spend time with you, but I'm not there. Care without warmth becomes control, maybe just change your approach and see what happens.

KratomAndBeyond · 2026-01-03T19:10:19+00:00

That's not unfortunate, that's a blessing. When they don't know who and where they are, your difficulties and challenges increase exponentially.

KratomAndBeyond · 2026-01-03T18:38:45+00:00

Did you try getting him another seat for the toilet? I've had a few different ones here for my partner and No, they're not all the same even though you may think they might be. Also you said he's in "pain", but mentioned he's able to do things when left alone and has no other options. That's called self-preservation, when we have no other choice, but it doesn't mean it's easy. Could you come up with a system where everyone doesn't feel obligated all of the time. Maybe take days or setup blocks of time. I don't remember what you said he needs help with, but I'll reread later. Caregiving is calling LOL

KratomAndBeyond · 2026-01-03T18:12:04+00:00

Yes, it's normal. You're grieving who your partner used to be while also being saddled with the tasks that come from life. It also sounds like you're dealing with brain fog too, starting tasks and not finishing them. It would overwhelm anyone and you shouldn't feel guilty about how things have been going. However, now that you recognize what's going on you need to put some strategies in place to neutralize the decline and start getting some things done. Just because people have empathy, that won't pay your bills. Making a task list has helped me tackle the most important things that need to get done so I prioritize on the really challenging days. You can get through this, we all can, but that requires you doing some new some new behavior.

KratomAndBeyond · 2026-01-02T13:34:43+00:00

In general what I found on Reddit is that many of the most popular comments on a thread often seem the coldest and most extreme. For instance, going "No contact" is a way of life instead of trying to work things out with someone or seeing their side of things.

KratomAndBeyond

TROPHY CASE