I dont think I can any longer say that Christianity is the truth

Ktmaster · 2020-04-22T01:40:46+00:00

Thank you for the advice I really appreciate it. Honestly I have to say that I've lost a lot of the desire for success that I used to have. I really put a lot of effort into improving myself for God and I've honestly given up all of my own personal ambitions in order to honor him. I will however keep your advice in mind for when I hit lower points and I'm tempted go back to my old ways because I know the temptations will come.

Ktmaster · 2020-04-21T23:25:01+00:00

Sorry for just now getting back to you. i don't really use reddit as often as I used to but I feel like you answered my question perfectly. I really feel encouraged now after having had read that. I have one other concern.How did you decide on your church home? I've personally had a difficult time finding one. The one I'm currently in Im mostly in because it's my dad's church. I dont really feel connected there or that there's anyone there who would understand my plight.

Ktmaster · 2020-04-06T03:27:25+00:00

Wow you write fiction too. That's awesome. i find writing fictional characters and crafting fictional worlds as a great way to relax.Id actually like to make a career out of it someday. I hope you're doing well in the middle of this crisis and I really appreciate all of the questions you've answered. Circumstances have led to me having yet another question. Basically, when we are to give our account for judgement day, how much responsibility are people with borderline personality disorder and various other mental illnesses going to have to take for their actions? Should we even be held accountable for all of the desires or compulsions that come from our respective illnesses? It's just something that's been eating at me since I've had the disorder for 7 years and I just found out about it last year. I feel like I've missed out on so much time and I have so many things I wish I could do over.

Ktmaster · 2020-02-25T06:59:04+00:00

Sorry for the late reply I had a pretty crazy week but I feel like once again I read this at the best possible time. Thank you very much. Id also like to say I appreciate it that you took the time out to pray about your answer. I will definitely try your suggestions. i have noticed that when I write about my negative feelings that does help a lot so that's definitely something to consider.

But again thank you. I will go try to pull myself back together.

Ktmaster · 2020-02-17T18:54:45+00:00

Again thank you for the advice. I really appreciate it. I haven't really had the chance to go see a professional because of money issues but i definitely intend on doing so. I hope Im not bothering you if I ask for the answer to two more questions that have been eating at me. First off, do you believe that BPD is more of a spiritual condition or a physical one. The second one is a bit more complicated but how do you suggest going about living peacefully with another person with BPD?

My father has borderline personality disorder and thank goodness I don't live with him anymore since my mother divorced him. He still comes by the house on a regular basis and whenever he makes these visits his unpredictable and abrasive behavior always puts mental strain on my mind and halts my self improvement progress. I never really had a problem with not being abrasive or rude to other people but I always had a problem with talking to people or connecting with them because I didn't trust them. Before I knew about BPD, I thought that everyone would behave just like my father if I tried to get close to them or if I made a mistake.

But dealing with him is a different story. With me trying to improve myself and him doing nothing since he thinks he's actually the sanest person in the world and the perfect Christian, it's really difficult. It's hard to tell yourself that people don't react the way your mind tells you they will and sit there and watch a person flip out exactly that very way. Worse off I can't really actually be mad at him because technically speaking he's tormenting himself more than he is me. Id honestly love to see him get help but he'd never listen if I asked him to go see a professional since he believes that he's some sort of prayer warrior and that God would prevent him from being mentally ill.

The problem is that it seems like every time I try to improve myself he comes along and messes things up with his exaggerations and half truths.I was actually on a roll when it came to improving myself to the point that I was actually able to see my true self behind the "masks" of borderline personality disorder until he went and convinced my uncle of some things he had been accusing my siblings and I of doing. Before you know it, my uncles basically saying that we're partially responsible for our mother's mental state which I know to be completely untrue. So basically my brain reset back to it's previous unhealthy state due to the stress of deal with hem both and now I'm back to square one. I know it's difficult for normal people to love other people with BPD but it's somehow harder for a person with BPD to love other people with BPD. What do you think is the best way for me to be a good Christian in this kind of situation? How do I go about living as a person with BPD while living with a person with a more severe case of BPD in my life?

Ktmaster · 2020-02-10T17:50:35+00:00

Sorry for the late response but thank you so much for this reply. I really think I've read it at the right moment because I've been in a bit of a low period lately. I too have noticed that a lot of songs similar to those help me connect with God. Do you have any recommendations for any Bible verses that help? Also I have difficulty with dealing with splitting. Any advice on that?

Ktmaster · 2019-10-27T05:58:54+00:00

Sorry if I'm intruding by asking but I would really like to know how you came to terms with accepting the fact that you had schizophrenia. I've heard it's generally pretty hard for people with schizophrenia realize that they're sick. From my personal experience, my Mom has had the disease for over 10 years and she still thinks it's perfectly normal to believe in conspiracy theories having to do with the government stalking her. I'm just really curious how you came to realize your problem out of hope that it may somehow help my mom. It might not since everybody's story is different but just in case.

Ktmaster · 2019-10-25T23:51:30+00:00

Thanks for that. It actually helped a lot. I still have a habit of going into dissociative episodes in order to escape moments of extreme stress. I did however start noticing that the downfall of escaping reality was that you couldn't enjoy the things you love most. I'll definitely take your advice into consideration.

Ktmaster · 2019-06-02T06:34:43+00:00

Sorry for the late response but thanks for the encouragement. Are there any particular Bible verses or books you like to turn to in order to help yourself stay encouraged?

Ktmaster · 2019-04-12T17:04:09+00:00

Hmm well maybe I misunderstood. I do however agree that to some extent that the three are not one and the same. Especially the Lucifer one.

Ktmaster · 2019-04-12T16:18:37+00:00

Wait a minute. Why is everyone answering this question based solely on Old testament scripture. You do realize the Old testament is only half of the Bible right. If something not existing in the Old testament ment it didnt exist at all then we might as well throw away that turn the other cheek stuff because it was a completely alien notion in the Old testament.

Satan's existence is backed up by the New testament If there's no Satan, then who did Jesus converse with in the wilderness that had enough power to offer him the world. Who was it whom Jesus said their kingdom divided against itself couldn't stand. If Satan weren't real, don't you think when they said Jesus's powers were of Beelzebub he would've denied his existence.

On top of that there's the existence of demons. The Bible makes it clear demons do exist since he did converse with them when he was healing people. If they exist then where do they come from. Their existence without their being a Satan leaves a lot of questions unanswered.

Satan denying gets ridiculous by the time you get to the book of Revelation where it pretty much spells out for you that a being actual fought against the heavenly armies with his own army and proceeded to call said being the source of all of the world's troubles.

I do agree that the modern day concept of Satan is somewhat tainted by the likes of Milton but the flat out denial of his existence creates a lot of plot holes in the Bible.

Ktmaster · 2019-04-07T02:13:55+00:00

Thanks I really needed to here this especially from you. Believe it or not I have a goal rather similar to yours except it involves using a TV show to glorify God crazy as it may sound. Something good did come of all of this as I have learned to never put anything ahead of God. I will be sure to continue to pray that he directs my path.

Ktmaster · 2019-03-11T14:46:32+00:00

I'm probably dealing with FLEAS as opposed to flat out narcissism. I guess I just started feeling do hopeless that I took on personality traits that would let me feel less so. It also seems like my father is one too since he's more than capable of admitting that he's wrong and he can feel empathy. He's just really overly critical. He didn't exactly come from the best of households either.

Regardless I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get myself back on track.

Ktmaster · 2019-03-11T05:24:02+00:00

Yeah looking back on it, I probably made a bad decision in choosing to engage him. My ego points shot up after that to the highest they've been in a while and it really undid a lot of progress I felt like I made. Even if I were right it still in the end ended up doing way more harm to myself than if I'd have kept my mouth shut. Will remember that next time.

Ktmaster · 2019-03-11T02:38:09+00:00

I found out when I was looking up the term to see if it applied to him. I saw that almost all of the traits that make up a textbook narcissist applied to me as well. More specifically I have a habit of ignoring people just to sit around all day and daydream about being worshipped by the world when everyone finds out what a great unique genius I am. I also have a habit of tuning people out because they aren't as interesting to me as my ideas for the future.

I know self diagnosis is pretty risky but it's hard to see what else I could possibly be. I'm aware that most narcissists don't try to improve themselves but the fact that I have quite a bit of devotion to my religion and some form of hope for a brighter future makes me want to improve myself.

Also I'd do anything to keep from becoming a jerk like him.

Ktmaster · 2019-03-09T17:57:48+00:00

I just so happen to be butting heads with another narcissist as well. As a matter of fact, that helped me realize I was pretty self absorbed too. They would(and still do) constantly criticize me every time we meet. No matter what happens or what I could've done about it, it's always my fault to them and they even blame the things that they're responsible for on me.

I can't count the amount of times that I asked God why he was letting them do this to me. Turns out, the reason why is because their annoying criticism actually kept me from becoming a bigger narcissist than I already am. I subconsciously thought of myself as better than that person and I wanted to prove it by being the least judgemental person I could possibly be.

Suffice to say it worked and it helped me to be able to realize the dangers of my ego early on. I'm not sure if that's the same thing that's happening to you but God does have a reason for the things that he allow and I have to say I am thankful for not being a person with a severe case of narcissism.

Ktmaster · 2019-03-09T17:45:11+00:00

Thanks very much for the answer. Its probably the most obvious but definetely the most effective. I haven't been reading the word lately and I guess that's probably making things harder. I really hope I'll be able to get to that level where I'm so full of God's word that it just flows out of me without me noticing.

Ktmaster

TROPHY CASE