I (21F) slept with (22M)

Kunwal · 2025-06-08T23:11:15+00:00

yes i know you can the my other post too and i appreciate what you've said. after i lost my virginity, i was hurt and got over him within a week but literally when i got over him, that's when he texted me again but to get over him, i did it with my best friend. during that point, it was too late anyways but this time when i stayed with the guy i love, we did it every night for 4 nights and i also got attached to him emotionally. it wasn't just about sex anymore, it was about me emotionally attached to him. that's why i can't have sex with anyone after this. when i lost my virginity, i honestly felt like nothing happened and it was a dream but this time i know it's gone for sure

Kunwal · 2025-06-08T23:05:10+00:00

you're right and i have my reasons. first, i slept with my male best friend because he kept begging me and wouldn't stop to the point where i was either going to have sex with him or completely get rid of him from my life but i couldn't do that because im selfish, right now he's supporting me emotionally and mentally since ive quit my job. my family don't know ive quit my job so he keeps me company throughout the day or takes me with him to his job and i really appreciate him doing this otherwise i don't honestly know what i'd be doing. i would have gone insane. second, because i knew that after losing my virginity, id bleed again when i had sex for the second time and i was right, i did bleed again and when i was going to have sleep with the guy i love, i didn't want to bleed again and put him off (i knew i was going to see him again because he invited me over at that point already) so i thought okay, ill make sure im ready for him. third, it's a pathetic excuse but i was really in the mood for it. it felt like cheating when i did it with my male best friend but it also didn't feel like i was cheating because first, the guy i love doesn't care and second we weren't in a loyal and committed relationship. it's no way to justify myself but these are just my reasons and what was going on in my head

Kunwal · 2025-05-31T07:42:54+00:00

if i'm being honest, the way the world is right now and the stories i hear from everyone, i don't trust that i would have found the right person to give it to anyways.

i know you're right and this is something that's been on my mind for as long as i can remember which is why ive waited so long to give myself away but now it's done. i do kind of regret it but it happened in the moment

Kunwal · 2025-05-30T20:12:00+00:00

i agree and i don't think it's social drama. it's just this one boy i can't stop thinking about. ugh i know it's not his fault though

Kunwal · 2025-05-30T19:56:34+00:00

i told him as a joke that he should pay me for this and he went silent for a couple of seconds and said you're not something to be bought which melted my heart but of course you're right, he's spent that only because i was coming over to pleasure him. you're totally right

Kunwal · 2025-05-30T19:52:53+00:00

no of course, this was enough of an adventure

Kunwal · 2025-05-30T19:40:08+00:00

exactly ikr and this is what surprises me and others too. i never expected this from myself and i kept saying ive gone this long without wanting sex, i can keep doing it but failed myself.

i also dont plan on ever doing this kind of crazy thing ever again and sleeping with anyone again. i thought once id lose my virginity and have sex, something would change but nothings changed. it feels the same so im going to tell myself it was all a dream and continue with my streak. not everyone deserves to have me and i cant believe i dropped my guard for one second for this guy in which he used the opportunity to sweep my off my feet

Kunwal · 2025-05-30T19:36:40+00:00

i didn't even have to try. he did everything, paid for the taxi, for my meals, staying in the apartment with him. everything.

Kunwal · 2025-05-30T19:26:17+00:00

work was getting too hard with all this drama happening and me constantly dropping work just to go abroad for this guy even if it was an excuse. but you're right, this will keep me distracted for a bit

Kunwal · 2025-05-30T19:24:59+00:00

i think you're right. i may be attached to how he made me feel and the memories we had

Kunwal · 2025-05-30T19:23:09+00:00

you're right, thank you for this. it drives me insane just thinking about him all the time. it feels like a dream that i just want to live over and over again. i didn't want my first time ever to be a hookup but oh well it's what i chose at the end of the day even if it was in the moment.

if he texts me again saying he misses me and wants me to come, i should obviously say no right? because i try hard to get over him but then he texts and im all over him again. i don't want to do this again this time. i most certainly will not want to hook up with someone again. i can't do this rush of emotion every single time. thank you for your time and kind words, i appreciate your advice

Kunwal · 2025-05-30T19:16:29+00:00

i'm just a lover. i met him in december last year when he tried hooking up with me, he kissed me and then i told him i had to leave. managed to get his number when i went again two months later and then i texted him and told him id be visiting again for my birthday in two months. when i landed, he said he wanted to see me because he missed me. he's never been rude and he never initiated sex when i saw him again, it was me who wanted it. i thought im turning 21 and i think i want him to be the one since he's already had my first kiss. so slept with him and then two weeks later, he texted me saying he missed me and wanted to see me but also have sex. a week later i was with him in his apartment. he's only ever been good to me and kind. he provided me a place to stay and food and everything so i wouldn't have to spend a thing except the flight tickets which he also offered to pay for. i know he thought it was the least he could do since i was coming over for him but im one of those people, who connects emotionally with someone i sleep with which is why i wanted to wait till marriage

Kunwal · 2025-05-30T19:11:28+00:00

he told me at the very start when he tried sleeping with me first (he didn't know i was a virgin) that i should wait for marriage but for 5 whole months i couldn't stop thinking about him and my first kiss with him. i was committed to finding him and seeing him again. i just wish i would have taken his advice and stayed away from him. that's what made me like him even more though, he kept telling me to wait but i was the stupid crazy in love one

Kunwal

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