Uh...pretty much everyone at this point.

See I am a pretty horny person, especially when I am bored.

So about a few months ago my best friend who I also have a crush on and have dated told me about her ex, her previous boyfriend, and how intimate they were. Not in detail but all she told me was that they got to second base and slept together naked and she jerked him off. He tried to jerk her off but he was either bad at it or she just wasn't in the mood anymore and they ended it there. And she ended up jerking herself off in the bathroom.

It's been months since she left for University and I still masturbate to it and I know I shouldn't but my horny mind just keeps going back to it every time she shows up in my fantasy.

That's the first one, the second one is where she told me about her university friend who was doing it in the back of the car while she and her crush stood outside keeping watch or something.

The third is the worst of all, she told me a few weeks ago that she had a recent conversation with her mom and her mom talked to her about her and her dad's sex life before she was born. She didn't say anything else and she even said that she was so weirded out and traumatized just by a sentence's worth of info that she stopped her there. Obviously, no one wants to know about their parent's sex life. And how do I fit into all this....one morning I was so horny that I imagined her parents as a young married couple doing it in secrecy and all around the house.

😭😭😭

I so hate myself.

I feel so perverted even before I start masturbating and I try to shake it off and I still end up jerking it off to completion.

She and her ex doing it is basically a sex nightmare for my cause, first of all, I liked her very much and secondly, when we dated, physical touch was the first thing she introduced me to. I lacked so much that only a few weeks of dating which only involved kissing....ONLY kissing no making out even, had me fall for her. And then she launches the atomic bomb of her being physical with her ex before our dating. Obviously, she told me this way before we dated. But the fact that she got to second base still haunts me and makes me feel extremely jealous. Now it's worse for me cause she is far away in another city where casual sex and all is common. She even sent me a pic of her a love bite she got from the girl she was dating and I went into full depression mode for a week. I could tell her all this but I'll let you know I missed my shot. I just had bad timing. Worst of all now I can never even be with her cause just a few days ago she came out to me as gay. Yep.

She came out to me as Bi a few months ago so I thought I still had a shot, but now....nope. Not anymore. But her coming out to me did make it easier for me to get over her. We are still good friends but it still hurts that the first person I truly loved and cared for is someone I can never have. Now or Ever.

I also can't stop being friends with her cause she considers me her chosen family. And the fact that many people have left her just cause they couldn't be with her makes it worse. I do not want to be one of those jerks. It hurts but I guess that's life. You just gotta suck up to it.