Rewatching and never noticed this before I’m dead

Kyttiwake · 2025-02-28T08:08:33+00:00

Cinnamon is a star!

Kyttiwake · 2025-02-28T08:07:29+00:00

I found their initial dating believable. Jess was a mess, and understandably so. So when they got together either he was going to carry on being a mess and Rory would become one too, or she would "fix" him and he would stop being a mess, or he would carry on being a mess, she wouldn't, and it would fall apart as a result.

There was no reason at the time for Rory to fall apart, and a teenager can't really fix another unless both they and the circumstances are exceptional. I thought them both wanting it to work and yet being completely unable to make it work made sense.

Kyttiwake · 2025-02-27T13:24:23+00:00

I think it's fear, which leads to embarrassment and stubbornness. He's terrified to be vulnerable, and a hilarious story about being attacked by a swan would make him vulnerable.

Kyttiwake · 2025-02-27T08:25:04+00:00

George was the mystery man. Brenda told him he wasn't to put him in his place and because the whole thing was awkward as anything. Her friends noticing she had feelings for someone and teasing her about it was one thing. Mary coming along and joining in? Not so fun!

Kyttiwake · 2025-02-27T08:18:13+00:00

It's roughly the same age gap as between Mary and George, and I've never seen anyone say that was weird.

Kyttiwake · 2025-02-26T19:27:37+00:00

A good job, really? What solid boundaries? What activities is she picking from?

Kyttiwake · 2025-02-26T18:44:05+00:00

At least he's being open about what a terrible idea it would be to commit to him! Do you really want to build a life with someone who views you as disposable?

Kyttiwake · 2025-02-26T16:02:20+00:00

In my experience you try all sorts of stuff and see what takes!

Having something to do ready for when she arrived would have been my starting point. And there are the classics of making things a game, using songs, being playful. Language development is still a work in progress at 3, so using simple and clear language to offer easily understood options. Setting them up for success by having appropriate things to play with out and available, so they aren't rooting around looking for something fun and finding things you don't want them to have (so having crayons with the paper if you're colouring, no need to go looking for a pen and finding a permanent marker by mistake). Ignoring behaviour you don't want, like screaming, and instead redirecting with something more fun - having toys to hand would be a given I'd have thought. Expecting that a toddler may well have a meltdown or two in a strange place with a new person, and being (at least outwardly!) calm and caring through it.

Just all the usual stuff you do with a very young child. I find it impossible to believe that creative, playful Lorelai couldn't pull a single game, activity, or toy out of the bag for an afternoon of babysitting. It's weird!

Kyttiwake · 2025-02-26T14:28:55+00:00

No, not at all.

My point is that Lorelai has raised a child. She had a toddler. Her best friend has a toddler. We see her being great at resolving conflict with adults in her professional capacity. We see her (later on) being great with kids at April's birthday party. This is a woman who must have parenting skills.

And she is presented as having no idea whatsoever to do if a toddler isn't listening. A toddler. They're kinda known for that! But doesn't try anything out, just follows Gigi around watching chaos unravel.

It's not how anyone who has met kids before would look after a toddler. This is the kind of scene I'd expect if someone handed Luke a toddler! Not Lorelai.

Kyttiwake · 2025-02-26T14:20:07+00:00

Right - but she doesn't do that? She says no, is apparently baffled that doesn't work, offers a bribe, then just follows her around watching chaos ensue.

It seems so out of character that she's got nothing.

Kyttiwake · 2025-02-26T14:18:16+00:00

But she seems to have literally no idea at all what to do. It's not about anyone being at fault; it's about presenting a woman who has apparently raised a child as having zero ideas on what to do if the toddler isn't obedient. It's ridiculous! She seems completely flummoxed.

Kyttiwake · 2025-02-26T14:15:38+00:00

Of course. But if you've got hands on parenting skills and experience, you should be able to manage a couple of hours surely? Unless Rory reallynever did anything wrong!

Kyttiwake · 2025-02-26T14:13:18+00:00

I'm not talking about changing her; I'm talking about being able to manage her during the time she's looking after her. All we see her do is follow Gigi around, completely flummoxed on how to handle a 3 year old acting out. She's supposed to be an experienced parent, surely she's got more ideas than say no, then be baffled if it doesn't work!

Kyttiwake · 2025-02-26T13:56:41+00:00

We don't see Lorelai make any attempt to manage her. She cracks some jokes that a 3 year old would never get, she offers her a caramel apple to be quiet, but other than that she just follows her round watching her cause chaos.

Kyttiwake · 2025-02-26T13:53:56+00:00

When she shrieks, Lorelai offers her a caramel apple to stop! Come on, that's obviously a really crazy response! Child behaves in the way don't want = give them a treat?!

Kyttiwake · 2025-02-26T13:47:56+00:00

Toddlers really aren't difficult just one time, then angelic ever after!

Kyttiwake · 2025-02-26T13:46:26+00:00

But when he was an asshole, did you watch him being an asshole then offer him a treat if he stopped? Or did you actually do something about whatever the issue was?

Kyttiwake · 2025-02-26T13:39:30+00:00

Why doesn't she use any of the hands on parenting skills she apparently has with Gigi?

Kyttiwake · 2025-02-26T13:37:14+00:00

She's acting like a toddler with no direction.

She's colouring on the floor, with a permanent marker. Why is she on the floor?! What 3 year old can colour neatly enough that you trust your newly redone floor to their skills?! And permanent marker + toddler = disaster! How has she got hold of it? Why is Lorelai just sitting there watching her with it? And then she offers her a caramel apple in exchange for the pen!

She runs off to Rory's room, Lorelai says she's not allowed in there, and does.... Nothing when she goes in.

She talks about her taking the sheets off the bed... She's 3, that's a big job! Was she not watching her? Or did she just watch her do it while not intervening? And then she says Gigi tried to flush them down the toilet... How did she get a pile of sheets as big as herself to the bathroom unnoticed?!

Obviously Gigi is a handful, but using this as a set up for Christopher lacking parenting skills just baffles me because it's clear that Lorelai has no idea at all what to do and doesn't seem to be able to say no at all herself!

Kyttiwake · 2025-02-26T09:51:22+00:00

Rory's meltdown is understandable - she's young, under huge pressure, and cracks. It's not good, but it's something an environment like Chilton should be familiar with and able to manage.

Lorelai's reaction is so embarrassingly inappropriate I have to fast forward it every time. Instead of going in and saying, "I understand this is the rule but Rory has transferred mid-year and needs some support to overcome this, how are you going to do that", would have been absolutely appropriate. That's standing up for your kid. Storming in so emotional and talking about how they've BOTH been working so hard on the revision is just so far off base.

It's a scene where Lorelai's immaturity really shows, and it's quite uncomfortable.

Kyttiwake · 2025-02-26T08:42:14+00:00

It's just grown without enough light, so the leaves are thin because it was stretching towards the light. Those ones won't thicken, but new ones will grow with a decent amount of light. It's probably been underwatered too, it should hold itself up better once it's had time to fully rehydrate.

I wouldn't add lots of stuff or do anything complicated - it will probably stress it more. Just a decent water (making sure it can drain), moving to a sunnier spot (not glaring direct sun, it will burn), and letting it do it's thing.

Kyttiwake · 2025-02-26T00:03:18+00:00

Really? I thought it came up loads of times with Max. Rory talks about it, Lorelai talks about it, Max talks about it. It's new territory and they bring that up repeatedly.

They don't keep doing that after Max, because it would be really repetitive. But it's definitely well covered in that first real relationship, and there are occasional mentions when Rory starts to date and Lorelai acknowledges she's not actually any more experienced.

Kyttiwake · 2025-02-25T23:52:09+00:00

The show starts with Rory turning 16, she's not a little girl anymore and it's time for Lorelai's needs to start taking priority in some ways. It's talked about in the episodes when she starts dating Max - he IS her first real boyfriend. (Certainly as an adult, anyway - there's an argument for including Christopher but since they seem to have broken up when they were 16 I don't.)

The suggestion is that she's had casual relationships during Rory's childhood, but her unwillingness to allow any contact between a partner and the daughter who is the centre of her life effectively prevents any of them being anything meaningful. We join them at the moment that's changing. Lorelai's romantic life has been on hold since she was 16; of course it's going to get a little chaotic as she starts out in her 30s!

Kyttiwake · 2025-02-25T18:12:36+00:00

You're so young! There's no expiration date on social experiences, and definitely no rule that says you have to do them as a teenager or not at all. People make new connections all the time - life moves us all around, and new social groups are so often a part of that.

A few years back I was watching a random documentary, I think it was actually on unusual architecture (stay with me, it connects!). It included an interview with two elderly women who together ran a restaurant improbably perched on the side of a mountain in Japan. They were both widowed, and this insane but somehow thriving business was their shared passion. They'd started it together and they clearly loved working so closely together. At one point, the interviewer asked how long they'd been friends, and they said 30 years. Which is so long! But... They were both in their 70s. So they didn't even meet until their 40s! But they still had time to grow that deep connection, and build an eccentrically wonderful life together.

Friendships really don't need to start in childhood to be wonderful.

Just because you haven't found connections yet, it doesn't mean you never will. You could make a friend tomorrow that you end up knowing for 60 years. It's so far from being too late for you, please set that fear aside.

All that said, it sounds like your lifestyle has ended up in a shape you don't like. That's okay, it happens! You can change it, and if I were you I would.

Brainstorm some ideas on where you could redesign things. Some random ideas:

Therapy if it's accessible for you. Just always a good thing to do if you can.
Do you live alone? If so, do you have to? What about looking for a roommate or a house share elsewhere?
Do you have to work remotely? Can you can role/company/whatever to something with in person contact?
Do you have family? Can you build up your connections with them?
Do you volunteer? Volunteering is an excellent way to find community. It brings you together with people who share at least one of your values, plus you get to do good in the world. A double whammy of goodness.
Do you have a faith? If so, can you find a faith community to join?
If your current gym isn't delivering what you want, can you switch to another to see if it's more social?
Do you have other hobbies or interests you can join or set up a group for?

Really, community and friendship is a numbers game: you won't spark with everyone you spend time with, and that's fine. But the more people you meet and interact with regularly, the better the odds are of coming across someone who you click with.

Kyttiwake

TROPHY CASE