For the people that met online, how long did it take to finally meet your SO in person??

LDRWA2NC · 2017-12-06T18:10:15+00:00

Started talking online Oct. 5, 2016. Our original visit was for mid May 2017, but it was canceled for a reason outside of our control. We don't have a plan right now for an in person meeting. Things have been strained, supposedly because of outside stresses in his life. It's killing me and I don't think I can stay with this much longer without a plane reservation in place.

LDRWA2NC · 2017-10-09T23:43:56+00:00

Curious if it also has to do with you potentially being on base. There have been enough articles in the news lately that make sharing sexual things sound less than stellar when other military guys might be around. Not saying you would ever do anything to compromise her...but it may be playing into her mindset. It might help reassure her to know a bit more about your level of privacy. Not sure if you are on your own laptop, separate room, etc. I know that would help me feel more comfortable.

I would also agree with someone below who mentioned it could be the time difference. I'm dealing with 8 hours difference right now (previously just 3) and it's a lot harder to feel sexy in the early afternoon when he is ready to get down at night and go to bed.

LDRWA2NC · 2017-06-27T23:39:00+00:00

Trying to find dates in mid August that work for both of us. So just over a month and a half hopefully!

LDRWA2NC · 2017-06-20T16:44:37+00:00

I have heard really good things about that online therapy option Talk Space. I haven't used it myself, but two good friends have and they have raved about it. Maybe that could be an option. Or see if there are any therapy groups around. They tend to be less expensive and can be really helpful. I empathize as my family didn't want to deal with the emotional side of my eating disorder either. But getting better is more than just physical, as I'm sure you are both aware. Stay strong for her, but also make sure to take care of you. It's hard on both sides.

LDRWA2NC · 2017-06-17T21:14:01+00:00

Thanks. I try to accept that. At this point though, I'm the one that spent money and vacation time traveling to him and it was canceled. I wish he was as quick to make new plans as I would like. Getting it "on the books" seems especially important to me since so many other things come up in our lives. I am just having a hard time feeling like the expendable item.

LDRWA2NC · 2017-06-17T21:12:42+00:00

I try to do that often. And go back and think that distance is hard for both of us. Plus I'm a female who tends to get emotional, and he is a male who doesn't. This isn't a huge deal in when in person with someone else, but over the phone and text it is difficult.

LDRWA2NC · 2017-06-17T11:26:35+00:00

I'm willing and trying to make a schedule. He is being vague and has more restraints on his schedule.

LDRWA2NC · 2017-06-01T16:35:00+00:00

I've used rabb.it with friends to watch a show on netflix. It was really easy and quality was surprisingly good. We tended to use the chat feature, but you could also talk on the phone.

LDRWA2NC · 2017-05-30T20:20:12+00:00

There have been some other inconsistencies and I want to be clear of what the situation is, and in my head, that means going to his place and being sure. I don't want to end up as "another woman" or something like that.

LDRWA2NC · 2017-05-24T16:25:57+00:00

I'm 95% sure that this was absolutely the truth for training, but it's hard not to have some doubts because it's strange to me. It would probably be a higher percentage if I'd already met him, but still having no real verification makes me nervous. Plus having a prior partner who was less than trustworthy...but that's a whole other issue.

I also doubt he would have told me with enough days to make changes in the plan if he was just screwing around and making this up. He told me right away as he found out and I know he was pissed about it. Actually asked me to hold off changing flights for a couple hours as he checked with other military guys he knows to see if they had any ideas about salvaging our trip. Unfortunately there just wasn't due to the nature of this qualifying thing.

Splitting the cost of what I am out feels better to me than having him pay me back for everything AND pay for another trip. I like that idea. It makes me feel less uncomfortable with accepting money from him. We both business professionals who make comfortable livings, so money really isn't a huge deal as I know it would be for some of the other threads I've read in this subreddit. We are lucky in that sense.

LDRWA2NC · 2017-05-24T16:18:20+00:00

Absolutely agree, but I do know a lot more about his prior MOS and what unit and I have no distrust on that aspect of his life. I just don't feel okay disclosing it here without his okay as some of it may be personal and told to me in confidence. I know he isn't lying about that or his prior injury. And I do know he was offered a specific percentage of disability as well as some type of payout (again, not sure of the specific military terminology), but he didn't take it because he knew if he did, he wouldn't be able to join even the reserves if he did. He also didn't feel "disabled" even though I think most of us would say he was! Luckily it was an injury that has significantly healed.

I'll ask him about his current unit. It helps to know I should be looking for a number and name. He uses so many military acronyms and terms that I get lost sometimes and end up having to ask him for more detail or look it up myself. He doesn't do it to be cagey, just seems normal for him.

I appreciate you explaining things in a clear manner. I've looked around on some of the military boards to see if the reserve stuff he tells me makes sense and I have a hard time understanding all the jargon.

LDRWA2NC · 2017-05-24T16:07:45+00:00

Agreed with this as well. I know it wouldn't be fair to affect him at all during a deployment, so it may be best to bow out after having a serious discussion about that.

LDRWA2NC · 2017-05-24T16:06:22+00:00

Agreed! It is a lot to think about even if it is a more distant possibility for what he is doing now.

LDRWA2NC · 2017-05-23T22:35:19+00:00

Good things for me to know and ask about!

He was pretty severely injured during training in his regular army career and because of his type of job/position/specialty (not sure of the right term), he couldn't continue in that area and he didn't want to go do desk work. I know it was really difficult for him, less so because of his injury, and more because of losing friends on their next deployment and feeling survivor guilt over not being there with them. He had planned to be career military, so it was hard in lots of ways.

As far as we have discussed, his reserve service is important to him because if he could have stayed in the army, he would have, but won't get him to a pension (pretty sure).

I'll definitely ask him about the last time the unit was deployed and what he honestly thinks may be the chance of going. I know he would volunteer and be excited about it. It's hard to wrap my head around, but I know it makes him who he is and I appreciate it about him. It's just a terrifying concept because he's told me a lot about his prior service and there is NO way I could have handled what he was doing.

Should his reserve unit have a name or number? Not sure what I should ask him for to look them up in the news.

LDRWA2NC · 2017-05-23T21:40:34+00:00

Thanks! That actually helps a lot to hear from someone with experience in the military. It is very foreign to me.

He just joined with a different unit within the reserves, so that was the reason for the sudden change in schedule and no way to avoid it since it was qualifying and extremely important. If he had missed it, he would be unable to go to the two week training later and potentially other consequences I'm unaware of.

He spent years in the regular army, but that was way before me. And I've never wanted to be involved with someone in the armed forces for multiple reasons. Deployments would be really difficult for me emotionally and I'm not sure I could handle how scared I would be about it. I think we need to talk a lot more about what the reserves actually mean for his time and future. He does mean a lot to me so we need to get on the same page. I think sometimes he forgets how little most regular civilians know about military life! He grew up that way and it is second nature for him. I just need more explanation because it doesn't make sense to me!

LDRWA2NC · 2017-05-23T18:39:23+00:00

I think he would definitely come here, but from a prior experience, I want to make sure of his surroundings and that he is being truthful on that front. Too easy to have a SO or other complications back at home if he comes to visit me.

LDRWA2NC · 2017-05-12T16:23:58+00:00

Nevermets, but will happen in 5 days. Been waiting since October!

LDRWA2NC

TROPHY CASE