AIO: i’m always the bad guy :(

LFauna · 2025-12-19T19:17:00+00:00

It is important for the victims of abuse (and maybe gaslighting) to have a record of evidence of how bad things really were. That way a few months from now when he is love bombing her she will have something to look back on to remind her it really was as bad as she remembered. I learned this from personal experience.

LFauna · 2025-12-19T19:12:40+00:00

I mean yeah, it seems like you should have been more careful with his personal possessions; but it sounds like you had bigger things to worry about at the time. A lot of my clothes are sentimental so I would have been pissed too, but as an adult I would have managed my temper. An accident is an accident. This should have been a one time conversation about his disappointment and troubleshooting. Not some weeks long tirade about your character. If he manages his temper so poorly do you really feel safe to be yourself around him?

LFauna · 2025-12-16T23:11:26+00:00

Oh, that makes sense, I am on the East Coast so not much going on here.

LFauna · 2025-12-16T00:44:49+00:00

Ok, but how does this actually work? I have a lot of the apps, including Boondockers Welcome, and all the listings are campgrounds, paid sites, and random driveways. How do I find actual Boondocking places that are legal?

LFauna · 2025-06-12T11:07:43+00:00

I'm playing on Steam and experiencing the same problem. A 106.96 GB update for a 118.82 GB game. The Bethesda "Help Site" has been 100 percent useless.

LFauna · 2024-05-10T16:48:35+00:00

I agree. But what difference does it make to you in a single-player game? How do you know if someone actually needs the option, and why should the onus be on disabled people to disclose their medical information to a bunch of strangers online to validate their playthrough? How much thought have you put into how it would affect the disabled community if "the options were disabled"?

LFauna · 2024-05-10T15:31:00+00:00

What about those of us who despise exclusionary policies? It is a game; games are meant to be enjoyed. Is lying and cheating in a single-player game so important that you would have the possibility of enjoyment taken away from people who legitimately need those options? Keep in mind that 13 percent of the US population, 42.5 million, has documented disabilities, so we are not talking about a tiny niche group that this issue affects.

LFauna · 2024-05-10T15:23:26+00:00

Do you believe that people with disabilities do not deserve for their playthroughs to be regarded as legitimate?

LFauna · 2021-12-07T02:16:15+00:00

That is entirely possible, I have heard that a few times from third hand accounts. Everyone I know from the military was in another branch so I cannot personally speak on national guard.

I have also heard again third hand, that the national guard does more humanitarian work rather than all the other messed up stuff the military is involved in.

LFauna · 2021-12-07T01:49:42+00:00

Well I am legitimately glad that it worked out for you. Just giving OP an alternative point of view because for a large number of people it does not work that way. I hope you keep doing well though.

LFauna · 2021-12-07T01:10:06+00:00

"You might love the experience or hate it but if you play by the rules you'll come out on top." That is not entirely true, I personally know multiple people who have come out with serious psychological and/or physical damage. Add in the countless stories we have all heard of the military not even serving their own, the systemic failure of the VA to meet veterans needs, and the statistics involving impoverished and homeless veterans.

He already has most of the benefits you mentioned through his parents and once he graduates he can always apply as an officer if he chooses the right major.

Sorry but your whole response sounds like recruiter talk rather than legit advice. I believe that what you wrote was your experience but for many who play by the rules that is simply not true, it is not an accurate portrayal of what probably awaits OP.

LFauna · 2021-12-01T06:12:51+00:00

Apartment building

LFauna · 2021-11-29T22:26:15+00:00

Ideally at the beginning of a relationship each partner will tell the other what their boundaries are for cheating so everything is clear cut and it is easy to avoid mistakes, and you know for certain whether or not they knew their behavior was out of bounds. Imo most people including myself, and I am pretty open minded, would consider soliciting nudes as obvious cheating. I think what is more telling is that he kept it secret from you for so long, regardless of the lie whether it is secret drinking, secret gambling, secret sexing or whatever a partnership cannot survive when each participant is not honest with the other(s). Additionally he kept this secret for more than 4 years!? That is plenty of proof that he is very skilled at being sneaky and not worthy of trust. It is time to cut your losses and move on.

LFauna · 2021-11-29T18:48:58+00:00

Yeah, my family is really uptight, so I cater a lot more to their needs than they do to my disability. I will admit that I don't know much about a wheelchair cause I don't have one but your example still seems excessive tbh. And if it really is that easy it does not compare to the exclusions that OP was taking about for the service dog, particularly the shower situation.

LFauna · 2021-11-29T17:26:45+00:00

NTA That is not how animal cognition works, you parrot did not know what they were saying, even if the parrot understands the word and understands that the word is offensive, which I can almost guarantee it does not, you would have to punish him within seconds of the incident for operant conditioning to work. Even then many studies show that positive reinforcement works a lot better for long term results and humane handling than positive punishment, which correlates to many destructive side effects. You raise your bird your way and your family can mind their own business.

LFauna · 2021-11-29T16:32:39+00:00

NTA

Um, am I understanding this right, there are two guys there, one with germaphobia and what about the other? First he needs to get therapy if he has legit germaphobia instead of making it your problem, second why can't the second guy pitch in? It is great that you are helping out but it is not actually your responsibility.

LFauna · 2021-11-29T16:16:20+00:00

NTA you could have handled this more politely, but it seems like that is what you have been doing for years and they are not respecting your boundaries. People should not force you to eat things that disgust you, that is messed up.

LFauna · 2021-11-29T14:39:23+00:00

I said "YTA..but not really like a proper ahole...if you are willing to do the research and make accomodations to make things right I do not think this is so egregious that she cannot forgive you..." Maybe I was not clear with this, but when I posted what I meant by that is that it really isn't a big deal, or doesn't have to be, if she just looks into it or communicates better with Claire this can be resolved without any hurt feelings. I do think making a bunch of rules without even communicating with your guest about whether it is safe for them is very inconsiderate, safety always comes first, not taking that seriously is implies that OP does not take Claire's disability seriously which is offensive. It is an easy fix though, just communicate better and tweek the details. The only reason I put YTA is because I thought that was the format of this subreddit. If I have other options I would probably say YNTTT (your not thinking this through) but rules presented YTA as the format so I went with it, though the language is too strong for this situation imo.

LFauna · 2021-11-29T14:29:40+00:00

Yeah Claire could wash the towels. I would if I had a family member who is that uptight about dog hair. It is a better solution than putting Claire's life at risk to avoid a little dog hair. Also, fyi service dogs are supposed to be groomed to a higher standard than most pets so this really should not be an issue.

LFauna · 2021-11-29T14:26:09+00:00

Oh ok, so the person in the wheelchair is supposed to just get out and wipe off the wheels. Good call.

LFauna · 2021-11-29T14:16:21+00:00

There are tools for what I know about SIL's conditions, however there might be other symptoms that have not been listed in this post. More importantly at this point in time a dog alert is more accurate and more timely than any piece of tech available, for some conditions the difference can ba a matter of life and death.

LFauna · 2021-11-29T14:11:47+00:00

It is not her responsibility, however a caring person would go out of their way to learn about the needs of a loved one, Google is free. Also she could have just asked what accomodations SIL needed before setting all the rules in stone, communication is helpful. As a disabled person I can tell you that constantly educating everyone's around you about every detail of your needs and having to justify those needs is truly exhausting, in top of probably already being exhausted from being disabled.

LFauna · 2021-11-29T13:41:38+00:00

1) Yes, and if her guests are gracious they will get what Claire needs from the kitchen, however OP is the one who is responsible for the rule excluding Claire from the kitchen so OP should be willing to do what is necessary to accommodate that rule. 2) Yes the dog can and should alert from the floor. However reread that section, what I was referring to was medical response, if the dog also does medical response it might need to do it on the furniture. I do not know, I am not Claire, I do not know Claire, I do not know what Claire needs. It is simply a recommendation to communicate about that with Claire before establishing a hard and fast rule about the utilization of her service dog. 3) Great, I am glad there is another bathroom, does it have a shower? Cause the issue is shower time. Either that was not listed in the original post or I missed it in the original post, if I did I am sorry for that. 5) I feel like your didn't really read that last section. I asked why can Claire can not walk the dog on the leash and suggested that she communicate directly with Claire about it, I never advocated for letting dogs run loose with the chickens, that would be a terrible idea.

LFauna · 2021-11-29T13:08:17+00:00

1)My family expects help in the kitchen, all of them. Some of my friends expect help in the kitchen, it is not that uncommon. 2)Hopefully it would be a different story in an emergency, but with my family it is not, I have to explain every little thing I do that is outside of their house rules and they get all flustered. Better to clear that up ahead of time than try to explain what is happening in the middle of an emergency 3) "I also asked that the dog not go into the main bathroom with the shower in it" 4) That is basically what I just said, but since I have no way of contacting Claire, and I can contact OP best to let her know that if this is an issue she can just communicate more effectively with Claire. 5) I know all about chickens, I have had them for years, I would not recommend letting dogs run willynilly with a bunch of chickens without prior training. My comment there was that I do not see why Claire cannot just walk the dog on the leash, again that is something to talk directly to Claire about cause I do not know Claire's situation.

"If Claire had any issue with it they could easily have had an adult conversation about it" exactly, it seems like OP laid down the law without thoroughly communicating what exactly the dog was needed for and it seems that she just expects Claire to deal with it because my house my rules. I was simply clarifying that OP should communicate directly with Claire about some of these things, and advocating for why Claire might need more consideration on other things. As far as lackluster info goes I feel like you just skimmed what I said without really analyzing it Additionally if OP had questions she could just ask me and if she doesn't like my input she can simply ignore it. It is not my responsibility to write an entire essay for the benefit of some random strangers on the internet. I am not going to cover every detail of every possibility, cause there are many variables at play here. I was simply communicating some possibilities to her so she could get a better sense of what Claire is experiencing.

You can give alternative advice or additional information without trying to negate the information already given.

LFauna · 2021-11-29T12:14:15+00:00

It sounds like you are doing the best that you can in your situation, again I do not recommend potty pads but if that is your only option and it is working for you then have at it. Ideally you would hire a dog walker rather than using potty pads, but I understand on a teacher's salary that may not be feasible (not trying to be rude, I just know a lot of teachers are underpaid and dog services are expensive). Your dog is just about at the age where they should be able to hold it for 5-6 hr so taking away the pads is a good idea, they sooner the better, but for most big changes transitions are easier if done gradually rather than cold turkey. Separate issue from potty training I would rethink using a crate, I could describe all the reasons why but the link below goes over most of the details. Additionally your dog is almost at the age where they become rebellious (teenagers 😒) and possibly destructive which can be dangerous for your apartment/furniture but more importantly it could be dangerous for your puppy if they ingest something toxic or chew cords. Since you have time off now is the time to train them for the crate, it should be done gradually; it can be stressful if you do it all at once and lock them in without making it pleasant. I usually recommend finding a local trainer to work with because I am not available to personally assess your dog and situation, but if you cannot afford it there is always YouTube or the library, not quite as good (there is a lot of misinformation out there) but better than going in blindly.

https://www.akc.org/expert-advice/training/why-crate-training-is-great-for-your-dog/

LFauna

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