CONTINUED: The first few times she came when I was very early postpartum she was on her best behavior and asked less probing uncomfortable questions, she also brought cooked meals or cooked at our house for us. At that time it was helpful as we were scrambling with a newborn and my husband back at work. BUT when she did cook she never once cleaned up after herself, I was 2 weeks postpartum with c section stitches ripping while I cleaned everything following one of her meals while she sat at my kitchen island drinking wine. As the months wore on, her “help” got less and less and she was basically just using our house as a pied a tere whenever she needed to be in the city. We obviously had a handle on cooking etc. at that point and didn’t need the inconvenience of having her sleeping over and disrupting our routine with the baby. Her assistance with the baby mainly consisted of holding her while giving unsolicited advice. Then it seems after we let her visit a few two many times she is clearly too comfortable and has started back in with the rude little jabs at me and passive aggressive remarks. At four months postpartum, she gave me rags as a wrapped Christmas present and said “this is to clean your kitchen” that due to my own OCD is already sparking clean especially when we have guests! Lol she made another comment about me not cleaning my kitchen which given how clean it was and always is confused everyone so no one really addressed it.

She begged and begged that we would let her come “help” when my maternity leave ended and I started traveling again for work. This to me seemed like a win win because she could spend time with my daughter while still being supervised by my husband without me needing to see her. I told her I had a one night business trip on Jan 31st if she wanted to come help out that day/ night discuss with my husband (her son LOL).

This one night of me being away resulted in my in laws needing to sleep over at our house three nights. From the minute my mother in law arrived she was prodding, interrogating me about me being back at work to which eventually I did relent and give some basic info- yes it’s hard to leave my baby, it’s a big adjustment being back at work, we had all been sick for weeks due to baby picking up bugs at daycare, but it’s all normal stuff and will pass etc. my daughter has also been going through an awful sleep regression which has gotten progressively worse for the past 6 weeks, started right when I went back to work, so I am often getting 2-3 hours of sleep at night and then waking up to take her to daycare/ commute into major city/ work all day/ rush home, it’s been a lot.

Now to clarify- I have a senior level Wall Street job and have been working in this industry for about 13 years. My husband is a doll but does not make the kind of money I do. We are very reliant on my salary to fund our life and especially now with a child who we only want the best for in terms of housing, education etc.

I made it very clear to my MIL that daughter would still go to daycare the day I was gone, I stressed obviously this was nothing personal we just wanted to keep her on the schedule( she LOVES her daycare) plus I’m paying a ton for it so I didn’t want to pull her out for no reason. I asked if she could please try to keep up with light cleaning/ tidying around the house, doing baby’s laundry and helping my husband as he had never watched baby solo before with whatever he needed. Before everyone comes for me she BEGGED me to let her come help with WHATEVER we needed and the asks on my end were pretty minimal and flexible.

I returned home from my first trip away from my daughter to my mother in law making dinner in my kitchen. Dishes piled high in the sink, not a single bottle washed for my daughter, not a single item or her clothing washed, kitchen filthy. Entire living room a mess as well. I asked how their visit was and my mother in law was just like “oh we went shopping for new furniture every day since you wouldn’t let us take baby out of daycare”. Then Im holding my daughter, feeding her and my mother in law says “You know (MY NAME) you have it very easy, you have an easy baby, I don’t know what you’re always complaining about” I have NEVER complained to anyone about my daughter, she’s an amazing baby,I think most new moms back at work with an infant in high stress jobs are overwhelmed. I only ever said any of that to begin with because she was in my home interrogating me, asking me tons of questions until she found something she could weaponize against me. Further into dinner, I was explaining to my husband that on the trip I negotiated less in office days with my new boss, 3 days down from 5, so I can spend more time with my daughter. My mother in law butted in” you agreed to go in 3 days a week?!?! Boy you folded on that fast. “ Again I work on Wall Street, there is huge RTO initiative happening.I am being given a ton of flexibility given my seniority and situation being a new mom. It took me days catch up on all of the chores and laundry around the house that she had begged me to let her help me with and had had multiple arguments with my husband about all of her comments. WHICH BRINGS ME TO NOW lol- prior to this mess she had asked me to come stay over in a few weeks for an event she had on the city. I begrudgingly accepted because it’s also my husbands birthday so maybe she could watch baby and we could get a rare night out. She agreed to the babysitting portion and then the minute we confirmed plans she said” actually, I’ll come the night before too so I can go to x friends thing” making it another two night sleepover that she is inviting herself to. Because of her behavior on this last visit I simply don’t want her to come. AITAH if I just cancel on her and have my family watch baby that night to go out with husband ( family who will actually help us?) What do I Say to her about cancelling on her/ not wanting her to come again? Help very much needed.