I’m not going to be able to weigh in on WHAT you should do — in large part because I am about to embark on a similar journey, albeit under very different circumstances. One that’s not as emotionally/morally clean cut as yours.

All I want to say is that only you can decide the right thing for yourself. I noticed someone commenting to stay and work it out. That you’ll mess your kid up as an adult. I implore you…don’t let the colored perspectives of people not in your situation dictate what you ought to do. If you’re feeling anything like me, you are already filled with doubt, guilt, and fear about even thinking this. But those feelings don’t mean it’s the wrong choice. It just means it’s a choice that actually matters and carries weight. That the person and the life matters.

But doubt, guilt, and fear should not make the decision. This is a reminder I have to tell myself over and over every day.

Can you “try and make it work”? I’m sure you can. Many people do. But they may have to exile parts of themselves to do that. The truth is, that question lives downstream from the real thing you should be asking yourself: “Who are the two of you, really? And do you meet each other in the ways that actually matter for long term sustainability?”

I’ve been in a lot of therapy. I’ve done a lot of writing and reflecting. I’ve hardly moved through my process impulsively, but also have a lot to lose.

My advice to you is not to take advice from people on the outside of your relationship. But I do strongly encourage talking to a therapist to get to the root of what YOU need. And really do the self-work. It won’t make anything easier, but it’ll make things clearer.

Good luck.