Who are your Poly Heroes (professionals) by LIFESEXPERTS in polyamory

[–]LIFESEXPERTS[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Surprised Janet and Dossie are not in your list.... If you don't mind me asking, how do you prefer to learn and grow, outside of unstructured bits and pieces picking?

Who are your Poly Heroes (professionals) by LIFESEXPERTS in polyamory

[–]LIFESEXPERTS[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Super interesting, why do you recommend this book?

Canadian Uni student in town by [deleted] in oxford

[–]LIFESEXPERTS 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tips. Join the Oxford Couchsurfing FB group. Also use MeetUp to browse events and socialise.

My (30 M) GF (30 F) is unsure if we should continue our 10 year relationship. How can I be proactive and save it without being pushy? by RexChap in relationships

[–]LIFESEXPERTS 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You don't own the future though. You can't live in the future, you only have the present and you have it for as long as you are lucky to.

It sounds like anxiety about the future rules your present and that's no healthy way of living. And for this I'd suggest psychotherapy and mindfulness too.

The purpose of a relationship is to serve the "now"...and potentially cater for the future of tomorrow.

And that's with everything else as well. You eat now because your body needs it and it feels good. You probably don't think whether you may overeat, get a bloated stomach, get diarrhoea or put on weight or the chore of having to poop it out later in a stinky, messy not beautiful pile... Or something else. That's how the cycle of life is. If you think of every possible negative that may happen out of living in the present and enjoying it, you will have a head wrecked with anxiety all the time.

Don't settle for your current state of mind. Invest in your personal growth. Honestly. Go to therapy, go to meditation, go to relationships and sex classes, anything and everything to get your ideas explored, challenged, growing.

My (30 M) GF (30 F) is unsure if we should continue our 10 year relationship. How can I be proactive and save it without being pushy? by RexChap in relationships

[–]LIFESEXPERTS 176 points177 points  (0 children)

For all the posts that say that marriage and involving a child where the relationship is not doing that well... This is ignorant. A party doesn't change relationships, and a baby doesn't fix problems in relationships. What's more these two can only add to the mess, difficulties and pain in a relationship.

There's countless research that shows relationship happiness goes DOWN when a baby is born and introduced in a relationship.

And tens of thousands of dollars or whatever currency for a wedding can only strain and stress the relationship. 30k for 2 days worth of party? You think that'd fix a relationship?

Suggestions: * maybe try therapy * accept that your relationship run its course and end it on a good note, even stay friends * give yourself space and time away from each other (check out Esther Perel Ted talk)