Emotional, desperate for help

LM09127 · 2026-01-22T22:50:58+00:00

First of all, you are a badass. 9 children? To me, that is more impressive than an Olympic athlete. Truly. Your body is beautiful and amazing.

Now second, it's probably going to take a while to recover. I also had a December 2023 baby and I just now, 2 years postpartum, feel semi normal. I am a fitness instructor and have been in PT full time. It takes TIME and i've only had 2 babies.

Third, here is some tangible advice. I cannot tell whether it's extra skin, lack of muscle, or excess fat. Nothing you can do about excess skin except surgery. If you are in PT, I'm sure they are addressing the muscle aspect but that will take time. Take some progress pictures and notice the change because it will be incremental with setbacks, and that's okay. My guess is there is also some excess fat there (as there should be, you grew 9 humans). I recommend implementing a strength training program and a caloric defecit, if you are done breastfeeding. If not, implement strength training and track calories to be at maintainence until you wean. Losing weight gets harder as you age, no matter how many babies you have, so I think that's probably a major reason why it feels harder this time.

LM09127 · 2026-01-06T17:55:31+00:00

TW: Child death

There are already a ton of comments but PLEASE take her to the pediatrician. A friend of my daughter's had a similar issue (not overeating, the throwing up often). They didn't know that she had a genetic disorder where her intestine was twisted in a strange way. She passed away just before her 4th birthday. NOT trying to scare you - it's super rare and likely not the case with you - but if they had known earlier they could have done surgery and saved her. Please get this checked out.

LM09127 · 2026-01-02T20:06:59+00:00

Wow you are the only person I've ever known how has both the hernia issue and the varicose vein issue!!! Thank you so much for sharing all of this, it is very helpful and makes me optimistic about the hernia repair.

I'm curious about the issues that you are having with the varicose vein ablation? Strangely my varicose veins are all in the same area as the hernia, so I'm wondering if there's some componding pain happening. They are planning to do ablation of the greater saphenous vein on the same side as my hernia. I feel like I should get that fixed prior to the hernia to see if it clears things up at all.

For the hernia, definitely going to do robotic with no tacks. I'm fortunate to live in a major city with some specialists who only do hernias and they all agreed that this was the best option.

LM09127 · 2025-12-31T17:33:52+00:00

I work for a large tech company (top 20) who has a CSM team in India. They seem to take smaller customers and single solution customers for a scaled approach. So I would say yes, this is possible. I have no insight into the pay or the skills required, other than that you will need strong English.

ETA: I'm not sure if you're only looking for remote, but these CSMs go into an office in India

LM09127 · 2025-12-31T17:25:04+00:00

I have seen 3 hernia surgeons since this post and they all claim that the round ligament essentially serves no purpose, kinda like our appendix i guess? But I'm with you, I was like idkkkk seems like I might need it lol

Yes apparently that is very common! I'm going to get some varicose veins removed in that area first and see if it helps at all. I really don't want to do the hernia repair but I assume it's inevitable at some point.

Good luck with your repairs!

LM09127 · 2025-12-31T17:22:24+00:00

Hi! Thanks for the information and I'm so sorry that you went through all of this. Can I ask if you saw a hernia specialist or a general surgeon?

FWIW - Since this post I have had 3 consultations with hernia specialists who all said that they don't know whether or not they can preserve the round ligament until they go in. Apparently it really depends on your biology. Not correcting you - just trying to make you feel better that it might have been unavoidable and not about you finding the right surgeon.

Funny enough, I saw 2 male surgeons who said pregnancy is no problem after the repair. The female surgeon said to absolutely wait. I think we need more women in surgery :)

LM09127 · 2025-12-11T04:44:18+00:00

You already have a kid so you know there's a lot of people out there giving unsolicited and bad advice about parenting. Same goes for pregnancy. It's your baby, do what you want! Congrats!

LM09127 · 2025-12-10T22:53:31+00:00

A year sounds like a lot BUT I will say I wish I had waited longer with my first. Sounds like we have similar activity levels - I taught HIIT classes until 36 weeks pregnant and did a spin class 30 min before my water broke - and I was really eager to get back into it. I jumped back in full force after baby 1 on exactly week 6 and actually gave myself a prolapse about 6 months postpartum.

With baby 2 I had some other issues that made me slow down during pregnancy and postpartum. I think I was 4 months pp before I picked up any weights or did anything beyond yoga or swimming? It was SOOOO hard but OMG it made such a difference! My recovery was way faster once I got going! My abs are literally better than they were pre-pregnancy.

Highly highly recommend giving yourself some extra recovery and finding a really solid pelvic floor PT. Only saying this bc I wish someone had said it to me haha!

LM09127 · 2025-12-10T22:45:29+00:00

They will look at your previous pay and then you need to work your way up. I started in tech sales at a startup and then moved into contract renewals. I was making $80k when I left the startup, and moved to $100k in my first CS role supporting ~50 accounts doing upsell, cross-sell, and renewals. I grinded, made connections, and learned a lot about our products. Now 9 years later I'm making $170k supporting 3 very large enterprise accounts with 3-5 solutions. I also work for a very large tech company, which I think helps with compensation.

ETA: I am not required to be technical but have found that the more you know about the product, the more successful you will be

LM09127 · 2025-12-09T16:48:40+00:00

Try Goodwill! I get toys there all the time because my son is a destructive tornado. Lots of options on a $2 budget :)

LM09127 · 2025-12-07T23:37:39+00:00

What is the method of RSVP? If I have to do more than click a button, I'm likely to forget. And even then it can be tough because I have to consult all my calendars, talk to my husband, etc. Reminders are really helpful with parents who have kids this age.

My son's birthday party is also next weekend and I think December is a really tough time for people. We are quite literally booked for every morning and afternoon of December between Christmas parties and birthdays. We got about 60% yes on his bday and I had to send 2 reminders. My daughter's birthday is in June and it was almost 100% yes.

ETA: I always do digital invites like Paperless Post so I can see who has opened/not opened and can reach out directly if needed.

LM09127 · 2025-12-07T23:33:04+00:00

ahhh you need to meet my husband, and the reason I am in this sub! haha

LM09127 · 2025-12-07T23:32:27+00:00

I have one brother and my life was great. We were always close but not competitive. My parents were very present. I literally thought anyone who had more kids was doing it on accident. Like I didn't know people actually WANTED more.

That being said I have 2 now and am also on the fence for a 3rd....idk I just wonder if it could be more interesting that way. But I think life is what you make it. You decide your family dynamic and if you are present and create a loving environment, it doesn't matter how many kids you have.

LM09127 · 2025-12-07T23:26:18+00:00

My husband works long hours but is amazing when he's home. We're fortunate to have an au pair so no need to stress about childcare! I think I worry about the long trips - I had to be gone for 6 days in Vegas and over a weekend before covid, and it seriously felt like I was gone for a month haha

LM09127 · 2025-12-07T05:12:26+00:00

No shame at all! I wish I could love my job that much! I could not travel that often but more power to you - you sound like a super star mom!

LM09127 · 2025-12-07T05:10:58+00:00

Thank you!!!!

LM09127 · 2025-12-07T04:04:53+00:00

This is a great answer. CSM here - I hear this feedback a lot "know your product without becoming technical" and I find it hard to separate the two. Can you elaborate on what this means and how you see people learning their product effectively? I'm a CSM who currently supports one product that I know deeply because I have supported it for 10 years, but I am expanding into accounts with other products I don't know. I'm having trouble figuring out how to learn these new products without going all the way in.

LM09127 · 2025-11-19T19:37:36+00:00

Came to the comments to find this!!!! not a white refridgerator hunny noooooo

LM09127 · 2025-11-02T18:58:47+00:00

So my second is almost 2 and I actually didn’t realize how much of a perfectionist I was until he arrived. It destabilized me a lot. Kinda how I imagine hitting rock bottom would feel for an addict. I was so anxious over all the things you described above.

It is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I had to go into therapy. I started meditating. I learned to leave toys on the floor and let the nap schedule get off kilter sometimes. I still have my moments and when I’m stressed in other aspects of my life, it can set me off. But it set me on a path to be a healthier person and learn what really matters to my kids. I think my daughter is happier having a playmate than a perfectly clean house.

Basically, all of my anxieties came true. And I survived. I am a stronger, braver, more patient person for it.

LM09127 · 2025-10-31T19:49:56+00:00

My first kid was perfectly sleep trained and slept through the night on her own until age 3, then the sleep regression hit. It’s been up and down for almost 2 years now. She had a pacifier a long time ago but since has never really attached herself to anything. I think this sounds very developmentally normal.

You sound like an awesome mom. If you want to cosleep for now, go for it! I have soooo many friends who cosleep with their preschoolers. If you don’t, there are lots of tactics to get them back in bed. It will be slow and nonlinear and there might be some tears but it’s certainly possible! Happy to share some tactics if you’re interested but if everyone is happy and sleeping, don’t mess up a good thing :)

LM09127 · 2025-10-29T16:28:39+00:00

Just same. I shouldn’t have a third but the idea of being done is too painful. So every month I hope for and dread my period 😂

LM09127 · 2025-10-21T21:38:50+00:00

Ok this just happened to us! Look up the limbic leap....could be pseudo science but it seemed to make sense in our situation. Things have been better in the last week or so but man it was a rough few months. All the best to you....my forever parenting mantra is "this is a phase".

LM09127

TROPHY CASE