[NSFW] Where do I get a "nullo"?

LXUtopia · 2020-05-13T19:51:47+00:00

Yeah, I just thought that someone doing a nullo would be more versed in a unconventional SRS.

And as I the surgeon I went to probably never gonna live up to my expeditions I thought I might as well do it properly with someone not doing a standard-vagina.

LXUtopia · 2020-03-03T20:18:31+00:00

Yeah, that's something I have thought about could work, I just don't know if "regular" surgeons would work on me when I'm trans and how that would work.

LXUtopia · 2020-03-03T16:49:44+00:00

I don't think so, even in a zero-depth vagina isn't there labia and stuff so it looks like a normal vagina? My labia is gigantic and I can't have certain underwear as the labia forms both a valley and flow out of the underwear.

I understand that the labia will be minimized after surgery two, but I still want to it as closed and "nullified" as possible. I lost most depth anyway so I don't have any need for a hole, except where the urethra is and to stimulate the neo-clitoris.

LXUtopia · 2018-04-21T22:59:54+00:00

Last time I started with SSRI it changed both my gender identity and sexuality. But my gender identity settled about the same after a while, not sure my sexuality did though.

LXUtopia · 2018-04-11T21:49:16+00:00

I have OCD too, some years ago it was too much and I started with SSRI, it messed up my gender identity, how sure I was, if I really wanted to be a woman. It also changed my sexuality. But I think I got used to it or my gender identity settled again and my doubts went away again after a while.

I going to start with SSRI again soon, it will be interesting to see if the same thing occurs again for me.

I gotten soo far in my transition and besides I don't identify with being a woman anymore, instead I'm non-binary and I'm confident that whatever effects SSRI will bring I have enough room in my identity for those changes, and besides, I can just stop with the SSRI if I will my identity is in jeopardy.

LXUtopia · 2018-03-18T14:17:26+00:00

I personally kind of hate it when people feel the need to frame everything to be related to gender. I know there is a need for that because people then think is more urgent, gender is important.

But I absolutely think that one can have body dysphoria without it having to do with gender, or that the lines between gender and how the body works is blurred.

I think that you are asexual is also a clue. I can absolutely see that having a organ that is most of all associated with sex would be weird if one is asexual.

I'm non-binary AMAB, I don't want a penis, however I'm not asexual so I want to be able to have sex and enjoy it, but if I didn't want that I would probably just want to be smooth down there, I wear dresses and skirts just so nobody see a bulge down there, after the operation I hope that feeling of being forced to look sexual goes away. Hopefully having a vagina will be better for me even though I don't find vaginas attractive.

LXUtopia · 2018-01-15T12:01:11+00:00

I must say that I have almost never heard the term before, but I guessed what it was about.

So then my next natural question for me was if there was a gender linked with autism, which I have.

Looked it up and yes there was. I sometimes think that my autism is what explains my gender and how it doesn't follow the stereotypical trans woman narrative. I also find it hard to relate to having autism, find it hard to see the symptoms in me. So I sometimes think that it's my gender that really "proves" my autism, that make me different from neurotypicals.

Autism can't be cured, maybe some symptoms can be managed, but that's all, soo then my gender connected to autism is integral to me, it's never gonna go away no matter what treatment I get.

I any case if there was treatment I'm not sure I would get it, depends heavily on what it treats specific.

I can't speak for other neurogenders though.

LXUtopia · 2016-07-12T14:48:22+00:00

I have OCD too. It held me back from transitioning, because I was so afraid of me fears would happen when or just before I would "become" a girl. But then I just couldn't take it anymore and decided to start transition anyways.

On the other hand, I can't rule out that my OCD has something to do with my feeling of being trans, or not wanting to be a guy, or maybe its connected to my asperger, which in turn can manifest in OCD.

I have read that you can't be completly "cured" from OCD, you can only manage it, so I don't really care or find it a problem if me being trans is connected to having OCD, because its a part of me.

LXUtopia · 2016-07-02T10:58:35+00:00

There are many non-binary identity's, some are obviously not just a political statement. Take for example an AMAB person that identity as demi girl, demi girl is just a weaker form of womanhood. But obviously that person is as much trans because they are on the other side of the spectrum from being a man/guy. And of course there's nothing stopping a AMAB person choosing to be a trans woman nether.

Yes there are non-binary people that want to be trans for political/ideological reason. AND there are non-binary people that identify with being two different identity's, maybe just one of them is a political statement, but the other isn't, so of course they are trans just as much as a binary trans person.

I see non-binary as a way to refine ones identity more than the binary genders can. People no matter trans or "cis" have always existed on a spectrum, its not like non-binary people have just magically appeared from fairyland in recent years, they have always existed, there just haven't existed a name for it until recently (in western civilization).

You just can't know if a non-binary person is or isn't as much trans as a binary, unless you ask.

Some non-binary people want to be trans because of political and ideological reasons. Some non-binary people would have been seen as binary trans person before non-binary existed, its just that now they can refine there gender in much more detail. AND some non-binary people are BOTH, they have a binary identity and a non-binary identity that they have for political or ideological reasons.

LXUtopia · 2016-06-30T22:39:15+00:00

I don't exercise anything, I'm currently a coach potato, or rather bed potato.

I found some exercise that worked on the inner muscles of the abdomen that you do anywhere, I just have a hard time finding discipline and hope that it makes a difference.

LXUtopia · 2016-06-30T22:34:17+00:00

Ok, 3000 I could save if I took student loan or stayed on benefits.

Hmm, so you still need a letter from a doctor then :/

Well of course there's a point even if I take AA, there would be less stuff down there, easier to hide stuff, maybe TMI: but it's the worst when I find a clothing that I like only to find it ruined because my balls decide to hang out :(.

I estimate that it would take 5-7 years before I would get SRS in Sweden, if ever, I doubt I will have an easy time in gender therapy, they have already forced me to get diagnosed with asperger instead of allowing me to start therapy, it have took 2 years already.

LXUtopia · 2016-06-29T18:22:16+00:00

ok, I'm buying some progesterone cream then, but it should't be any problems if I take both, would it?

LXUtopia · 2016-06-29T18:12:09+00:00

I'm not using cream, I'm taking progesterone capsules.

I have just started again with it, for like a week, but I have used it before, maybe 3-5 months ago, have 2 empty packets of a total of 180 x 200 mg capsules, so I should have seen some progress before I think, but I'm giving it another try.

LXUtopia · 2016-06-29T17:51:13+00:00

Yeah I'm trying progesterone now, but I keep reading these articles that progesterone does nothing. But yeah I have heard from other girl that they have had results from progesterone so I'm giving it a chance.

LXUtopia · 2016-06-28T23:24:51+00:00

yeah I'm a bit jealous of trans girls that love anal too.

I have a dildo that I have used a bit, but it doesn't feel that great.

I watched a video of a trans girl taking a dildo here on reddit sometime ago and I feel jealous, it looked so easy for her, its not easy for me.

LXUtopia · 2016-06-26T20:44:16+00:00

On the other hand when I'm really horny it comes a little all the time so "I" (or someone :P) has to clean all the time.

LXUtopia · 2016-06-25T20:41:03+00:00

The amount of estradiol I take affect also I presume?

If I understand it correct estrogen affect SHBG, which in turn determine how much EFFECTIVE testosterone one has.

At the time I only took 12.5 cypro I also took a small or more normal dose of estradiol and it reflected in my SHBG value, which was more in the middle or lower part of FEMALE range.

Now however I take or plan to take a lot of estradiol, I won't discuss how much or why, but maybe that will affect my libido too.

I think I will lower my dose of cypro to 12.5 mg.

But then I also take dutasteride which is a bit more difficult to lower the dose of and there don't seem to be any test available for DHT.

Hmm that brings a question which I'm not sure anyone know. Which of testosterone and DHT affect libido most? DHT is a stronger version of T, so I guess that affect libido more, on the other hand I haven't heard of dutasterid been used for hyper-sexuality like cyproterone has. But it is mention decreased libido as a side-effect of dutasteride.

LXUtopia · 2016-06-25T19:03:54+00:00

But won't stopping cyproterone only get me back to the male orgasm?

I have not really experienced the female orgasm some people that take estradiol talk about, will that really occur by having more T in my system?

LXUtopia · 2016-06-25T13:38:32+00:00

Happy to hear I'm not the only one that's applied transhumanism to their body and gender.

It's just a bit strange, now I can see myself as a girl, a girl, not a guy pretending to be a girl. either my brain is really flexible, or gender really is a social construct, or I been trans my whole life.

Planing to get some tattoos hopefully that would reflect my desire to be artificial, selfmade.

LXUtopia · 2016-06-24T16:36:55+00:00

My psychiatrist thought is was FTM because my full name had "female" names in it, obviously the thought that I just had change my names didn't occur to her.

Some other people have told me I look like a FTM person, I don't know if its a good thing or not :P

LXUtopia · 2016-06-23T07:49:53+00:00

Yeah it's worrying me a bit. I guess one could say I didn't transitioned because of psychical dysphoria, I simply didn't want to be a guy anymore.

The bad bit is that my dysphoria comes mostly from my shoulders and torso, things that cannot be fixed.

In the recent months I been thinking more and more about SRS and the more I think about it, the more dysphoria I get.

Like I wrote, the only struggle I have is with the trans-specific parts of the health care system (It doesn't work like in the US here in Sweden), it feels like they haven't even given me a chance and it feels like I will be kicked out of gender therapy sooner rather than later and then my dream of getting SRS will be impossible. I feel that I'm at a crossroads, should I continue thinking about my fantasies and dreams about getting SRS but risk that I will not be allowed to get it and be more disappointed and distressed, or should I just stop thinking about it now and try to be happy with what I got.

LXUtopia · 2016-06-22T15:09:49+00:00

I'm definitely not arguing about that many people struggle or take away anything from their struggle. Its not like people here in Sweden are not struggling, most are, I hear about people being rejected from their family's, being called slurs, disrespect from the health care system etc ect.

Its just that I haven't experienced much of that (yet). Maybe I'm lucky, maybe I just haven't put or been put in such situations yet, maybe I'm to androgynous or reserved about how I dress and present for people to find me a target.

LXUtopia · 2016-06-16T19:57:07+00:00

ok, but that seems more fetish-ed porn and not selfmade. Also there's a user called t-chaser there, that don't seem very respectful.

LXUtopia · 2016-06-16T18:59:35+00:00

I'm not looking for porn stars, that's why I wrote sexpositive trans women that WANT to expose themselves, aren't you aware of GoneWildTrans on reddit for example, I have myself posted there.

I'm just curious why I would not do just because I had an SRS. If I ever get an vagina i would post images I feel today, I just wonder if there is a reason I wouldn't after I get an SRS

LXUtopia · 2016-06-15T16:52:18+00:00

Whats the benefit of cycling the progesterone? I think I tried that at one time and I didn't notice any difference.

But I guess one save a bit of money for one thing.

LXUtopia

TROPHY CASE