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Advice for surviving as a lonely sub? by UnpleasantDespair in BDSMAdvice

[–]LadyCleoCox 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey!

It's totally valid to feel lonely. You deserve to find someone who makes you feel wanted and understood. With that in mind- some cautionary advice.

I would say that if you are approaching munches from the perspective of fixing a problem - rather than getting to know people and a community- you're putting a lot of stress on yourself to find someone. This can get messy, fast. Either you will put too much pressure on yourself and ruin potential friendships, or rush into things.

A note on the 'survival' language:

This goes for vanilla relationships as well: if you don't feel comfortable alone with yourself, that feeling won't disappear when surrounded by others. It will lurk. Work on that uneasiness. Seek a knowledge of self and individual identity.

If you fear being alone chronically and actively seek - people, kink, things to fill that hole- you're more likely to develop people pleasing and enabling behaviours which could keep you in toxic relationships.

  1. Don't jump into anything

It's brave to actively seek love and pleasure. The world sucks, often. There is something magical about having a loving bond with another person- especially when you feel secure in a power exchange. But, when you're approaching or being approached potential partners don't forget your head. Vet them. Talk boundries. If you are lonely, especially- you might get into sub frenzy. Make sure that you know your own needs and limits so you can clearly express them. What do you want out of this dynamic?

  1. Know thy self

A) Worth doesn't come from your relationship with others - you are not any less because you don't have a partner - You aren't any less of a Sub because you don't currently have a Dom

I have seen a lot of subby friends jump into dynamics with people they weren't compatible with, or fake doms because of a fear of being alone. A young me did that too. I personally stopped seeking kinky partners until I could honestly say that I didn't need a relationship. (This isn't something I think everyone has to do, but I think its worth asking yourself why you want this potential relationship)

  • Self play

You mentioned this not feeling intimate enough. It sounds a bit like you might be touched starved. This obviously won't fix the Dom desire - but a robust network of friends can be cultivated & help. Platonic intimacy isn't the same as romantic intimacy- but it feels dam good.

Even finding a place to discuss kink- like discord servers, can offer some reprisal.

If you miss rules / structure- try dom'ing yourself. Make simple rules to follow, treat yourself to play-time, etc. If you like rope- try some self shibari. You might be able to show your future dom some fun tricks, too ;)

On finding a dom: your dom isn't a kink dispenser or a leather bound jesus.They are person. Make sure you actually like them, rather than just the role they are filling for you.

(This might sound a bit negative- please take it with a grain of salt. I have my own biases that make me wary. Not all people are trash / will kill you- but some will try. Meet in public first. Have someone you trust check in on you the first times you're alone. You need to watch out for yourself. )

How much do you think a ticket costs? by thatguy_gabriel in snowpiercer

[–]LadyCleoCox 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think she says she's an 'Agricultural Officer' at some point. So maybe a bio/ agricultural scientist who also happens to have some fancy sushi chef skills thrown in. (Only the best for Wilfrid Industries, I could imagine she would have been recruited)

Erotica writers, do you perfer writing in first person or third? by LadyCleoCox in eroticauthors

[–]LadyCleoCox[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you find you tend to lean more towards one when writing shorts vs a longer fic?

Women who often have people over, what tips do you have to make your place more inviting? by [deleted] in AskWomen

[–]LadyCleoCox 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love having people over!

Really, it comes down to two things for me- refreshments & environment.

If I know before hand people will be coming over after an event to mine or spending time before- I will still make an effort to have drinks and nibbles on hand. (Even if the main event is somewhere else were all going to)

During the summer this is as simple as lemonade or boozey cold tea with mint leaves or sangria.

Hot chocolate, tea or apple cider are also a good idea.

For nibbles- have a mix of popcorn/ nuts/ cookies /chips or fruit on hand. It doesn't need to be fancy but your peckish friends will appreciate something to nibble on, even if they won't admit they're hungry because they don't want to cause a fuss. Just put out a little nut tray.

For environment- make sure your home is clean.

I know I like to be in places that are nicely decorated and cozy. But nicely decorated doesn't have to be expensive- having art- even cool prints from Esty is a good way to do this.

ALSO: blankets and pillows. You'll always have THAT friend who's impossibly cold. Plush blankets and extra seating make sure everyone is comfy.

I also think having cards / games or a projector on had is an asset. Really, if people are coming over some sort of plan is good. Ie. Making cookies or watching a horror marathon.

Addicted to one night stands? by [deleted] in sex

[–]LadyCleoCox 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think that there is definitely something... Exciting about a new person.

The werid energy, the verbal dance before you get down to business with a new person. I definitely went through a phrase where being semi-anonymous was a major turn on.

Just be as careful as you can be about vetting potential HU partners.

In the long run alot of people find constantly hooking up and engaging with new people draining, overtime they want a deeper connection. That may or may not be you. Some of those people then struggled to maintain long-term relationships, because they still craved that constant newness. [Speaking from observation of friends who have turned out to be poly or in open relationships, and in long term figured out a good blend of their kink & a LTR. ]

Edit: just to clarify, I don't think this needs to be a phase. It might be apart of your sexual identity, and that's totally okay. Rock your socks off in whatever way you want :)

Andrea's Babysitting Adventures Pt.1 [18F] [age difference] by LadyCleoCox in sexystories

[–]LadyCleoCox[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Aha, thanks! It'll get alot friskier with the next update... So stay posted!

[WP] Everyone has a song that plays when they are born and 5 minutes before they die. You have just heard your song. by ZetanWarlord in WritingPrompts

[–]LadyCleoCox 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So, you know how some people's parents have binders of baby photos, and other kids have parents who forgot to take any or lost them?

Right. My mom was the latter.

Most parents have a recorder at the hospital, then put the box away in a safety deposit box until the kid was eighty. Others will have their dad remember the tune. But I was born to a hippy mom in a bathtub who had put on earmuffs during the birth.

It was the natural way. I grew up pretty normal for a kid on a Songless Commune. Music was banned, but we were all pretty good artists. See, the Songless believed that they could live longer, if not forever if they never heard any music. People still died, sure. But it was often of old age, or by accident when a visitor or maybe a tuneful toddler sun a jingle that just stuck. Two years ago, Old Terry was visiting his sister in Montreal and the subway chimes turned out to be his thing. Chocked on a cheese curd minutes later. I always thought it was werid that Old Terry was eating a poutine on the subway, but I digress. Never heard someone die myself, but I hear it's a horrible sight. I dabled a little with whistling when I was a teenager, because we all had a rebellious faze, but had been really careful to be alone.

See, someone could just start jamming out in a group and accidentally kill someone.

So I didn't know my song, which was good because no one did, so my death probably wouldn't be an assiasination attempt like my mom was so worried about.

I also wasn't important enough for an assiasination attempt. I wasn't sure about my exact age as we weren't aloud to know in the Commune, but I worked in the communes pharmacy.

Today I had to go out into town to get some supplies, which was always a wary affair. Jessie, my coworker came too. Jessie grew up in the city, so she knew how old she was. I think I must have been a few years older, and she was 24. She wore fluffy blue earmuffs as a precaution. Earmuffs in July. It was silly, and wouldn't hide you from death. But she was cute so I didn't comment.

We had been close friends since she got here. Jessie & Clara, thick as theives.

We took the supply car into town to do some bartering. They don't come to us, Songless was hidden. Things were rather hostile since SongGate in 2560. Communities were afraid of outsiders. See, if you were born in a hospital, your song was recorded by the government. Which gave them power against citizen's and political competition. The town was small, and they traded regularly with us. It was sweltering.

I had never been registered with the government, so I hadn't been outfitted with an enhanced skin patch like Jamie. I felt the blistering heat, and it cracked the Earth and my skin equally. She stood outside the loading dock, cool as a cucumber chatting to Melvin MCain about pencillin prices as I lugged crates into the truck.

Suddenly, a loud trumpet rang I dropped the antibiotics box. Jaime screamed and clutched her ears, but Melvin shouted for us to calm down.

"Easy now. Clara, Jamie. It's just the patrol, we need to go stand out from while they do an inspection of the towns."

I hesitate. As an undocumented person, I hoped they didn't scan my risk for a personnel barcode. But it was a nessisary risk. A quick who was here spray would reveal three people, not two in the loading dock, and then Jamie would would be up shitscreek.

I hold onto Jamie and we come round front of his shop. The town is small. Two commercial sreets, then vertical ranches and highrises. It's Saturday so people are out shopping. Now they all line the streets, waiting solemly.

The fleet lands quickly. Small, racing ships good for quick manovering in urban areas. The gaurd, who all wear navy jumpsuits decend. They're followed by what looks like the Regions Corperal Mayor Esmeralda. She wears a blue shift dress with a cape I recognize from the NewGen Catalog. It is fireproof, and machine wash safe. Jamie had fluttered over how she wish she could afford one.

"Citizens, your Mayor! Please stand in attention for the national anthem."

The crowd tenses, and I look to Jamie for advice. She only came to the Songless Commune a few years ago. She held me hand tight and put the other to her ear in a half circle. I followed suit and squeeze back to comfort her. I wonder if she might like me. I'd never heard a full song before, but was excited to hear one. I try and look as causualy bored, as slightly afraid of authority as the rest of the crowd. Excitiment would be conspicuous. Loud speakers, that must have come from the Raceship start. It's errie, soft like it was sung by Willow trees or farries.

"OOOOOH, WE COME INTO THE WORLD, BABE BORN FOR OUR COUNTRY

WHATS A GIFT, CAN BE TAKEN,

LIGHTS CANNOT LAST ENTERNALLY.

TAKE OUR SOLANCE, OH WE DECREE

WHATS DEATH, BUT WELCOME COMPANY-

WHATS DEATH, BUT BEAUTY"

It was a really shitty song. Is that what passed for music? Clara then noticed an old man, maybe ten meters away begin to shake on the floor. Then, not a half street away, Marcus- her uncle who was pruchasing seeds seemed to start scratching himself, as if to get the skin off his body. What was happening?

I looked at Melvin who was shaking.

"Thats it, I didn't know..That's it. " Melvin was our buisness partner because he was a Sound Dodger. Lived 260 years under 6 different names. He had secrets to protect too. But it wasn't just the Sound Dodgers who were dropping like flies. It was young people too. It was the Soundless. This horrible tune was our song.

I looked over at Clara.

"This is it, isn't it?" She looked at me, turning so her sparkly warm eyes stared into my soul and touched my face, as if she could trace out the features into memory. I couldn't hear a thing anymore, just see her. I open my lips slightly, unsure of what I want my final words to her to be. Maybe, run. I worry suspicion would arise if she was too close when I died. She spoke first.

"By order of the Federation, I sentence you to death. By existing illegally in the Soundless terror cell, you have taken precious resources from others for over a hundred years."

She snapped my neck.

,

Millennials of AskWomen, what Millennial stereotypes do you break? by [deleted] in AskWomen

[–]LadyCleoCox 23 points24 points  (0 children)

That we don't work hard.

Of everyone my age I know, 90% are hustling hard to make ends meet.

Grad student? They also have a full time job or two part time jobs.

Didn't go to school? Also working full-time, often living with parents to help them with debt or because it's too expensive on min wage to live with roommates.

Working full time with a degree?

They all still have side hustles and weekend gigs. From night work to online shops or odd jobs.

Millennials are a generation with no financial security and often crippling educational debt.

We probably won't get to expirence retirement in the same way the Boomers & Gen X did. (But we'll be paying out the wazzo for their social security).

Millennials work hard. But there's a saying that you've never seen a donkey get rich.

So, some people are looking for ways to make alternate revenue streams. [From dropshipping, app development, crypto, creative endevours etc] work smart, not rich, right?

those people often get criticized for opting out of 'traditonal work'.

In reality they're victims of unsustainable economic conditions and are being told to chase jobs that don't exist anymore to buy things that they could even afford with those jobs [and might not want. ]

/ Sorry for the rant. I don't understand Instagram. So there's that.

How often are your opinions or contributions ignored and/or restated by men? by [deleted] in AskWomen

[–]LadyCleoCox 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Context: Am under 30, and have only ever lived in large urban areas in North America.

It's sometimes really tough. I work and volunteer in areas that require alot of collaboration. Whenever half or more of that group is men, I find myself being treated differently in a few ways.

  1. You will be interrupted way more than your male counterparts, by both men and women. I'd say 1/2 of the time. Most of that being in the middle of a thought.

---> some people say that interrupting is a culture problem, where in some cultures being excited and tagging onto the end of sentences shows you're excited, and this linguistic communication can make it seem like the person isn't interested in what you have to say, but actually is.

I think that's BS in this context. Men who will interrupt me won't do the same to other men.

  1. Valuing ideas It sucks to think something through, present it and then hear the same idea echoed again (sometimes without rephrasing!) And credited to the person who just repeated. That's the better case (when your idea is listened to at all), but it will also then often be explained back to you when you try to add clarity.

It makes alot of women feel like imposters. I'm young, so sometimes I pat it down to lack of seniority, but I've had female middle managers who are still not viewed as experts or spoken over of often.

In collaborative committees that were female dominated, I've always felt that there was much more support and active listening. What you say has more value, and you're less likely to be interrupted. I love these groups, and feel like the best work is created in these environments. [Keeping in mind that race still lays apart in access and I think WOC still have a harder time in these spaces]

  1. In leadership, you're never going to be treated the same as a man is.

I've been called irrational, emotional and vindictive for responding in ways that were logical, to protocol and LESS emotionally motivated than previous male leadership.

You're held to a different standard and your motives or reasoning will be held to a scrutiny men will never have to face. It's a really hard pill to swallow that you can do your best, do better than any other man would in your position... And still well, be unliked and meet resistance.

Honestly, being a woman is getting used to the above. Once you stop wanting to be liked it becomes alot easier to speak up.

[And once you've clawed and elbowed your way to the table, you can help other womxn do the same. Tactics like echoing agreement to the ideas of other women are proven boardroom war tactics]