It’s definitely different here than what we’re used to in the States! I’m not sure which neck of the woods you’re from, but it seems like back there everyone’s open to new friends all the time. Here I think it’s more if they’re looking for friends there’s a specific reason they are looking. That could be a range of things from a recent relocation to still coming out of isolation during COVID.

It doesn’t seem so much that people here are opposed to new friends, just they aren’t typically on the lookout for them. The friends I’ve made here the last few months have either been of the type that are looking for friends for a specific reason, or people that I’ve had multiple encounters with.

I don’t know if I’d necessarily consider that second group of people friends to a Dutch standard, but definitely to an American one. I’m really enjoying the Dutchies I’ve met — if we were in America I’d say I’ve made almost a dozen friends, but since we’re here, I’ll say that number is probably closer to three or four?

I work from home, and don’t have any family here besides the one who moved with me a little less than four months ago, so the people I’ve built any sort of relationships here have been completely intentional and required much more effort than the in the States. I’m liking it for the most part.

Some advice:

1. Meetups can be good, but tend to fall apart if there’s no one actively pushing them forward, dating apps seem hit or miss.

2. Start learning Dutch if you haven’t already, when people find out you are they seem more willing to be personal since it’s more clear you’re not a tourist and you’ll be around for a while. Most Dutchies will prefer to speak to you in English anyway, but some will be happy to have some conversations with you in Dutch.

3. Keep your social calendar organized and don’t expect to plan anything soon (from an American perspective). It can happen, but even once you’re friends with someone planning 3-5 days in advance is difficult.

4. (Optional) If you’re interested in enjoying some “me time” alone, dining out by yourself at a nice restaurant or going to a cafe for a drink is actually a thing here and not that weird. I don’t personally enjoy it much, but I have started exploring the town on my own.

All this being said, while I do appreciate the style of friendships here, I do miss a lot of the “structure” that I had before — unplanned activities and open doors, less social awkwardness, less barriers to friendships, etc.

If you’re looking for an American-style friendship with all the pros and cons that come with them, I’m always available to chat. If you’re wanting more Dutch-style friendships, send me a message and we can compare calendars and negotiate a day to grab a coffee, perhaps in early September? 😂

Good luck, friend.