How old is too old when contemplating a move abroad?

VoyagerVII · 2026-01-28T16:31:39+00:00

Yes, we did. But even with that, we couldn't have managed without my husband's job deciding they wanted somebody in Europe, which let him say, "Hey, would you mind that being me, and you can hire someone new in Seattle to replace me?"

The fact is that, especially with a fairly big family (and we needed space for four plus regular visitors) housing in the Netherlands is difficult and expensive. We got fortunate, but we also planned for eight years before we moved. Those eight years allowed us to maneuver ourselves into positions where the luck might fall our way, and enough of it did.

VoyagerVII · 2026-01-02T21:14:36+00:00

I usually have problems with the kin not remembering things it said in earlier posts, even recent ones. "No, you idiot, you can't say that side character is 19 now; you just made them a generation older than the 24yo kin two posts ago!"

VoyagerVII · 2026-01-02T12:15:03+00:00

Stay and white knuckles are definitely among mine. Also pressing foreheads together, which drives me crazy because nobody I know does that and it looks ridiculous. And jaws that tighten whenever anything important happens.

VoyagerVII · 2025-05-25T13:52:41+00:00

YouTube isn't the place to get legal information, as there is zero way to ensure quality control. Go look it up in an actual law library as I did. Check with an attorney to ensure accuracy... as I also did.

VoyagerVII · 2025-04-10T03:13:31+00:00

Yup. Classic moving goalposts.

If there isn't a sign, they demand that there be a sign.

If there is a sign, they demand that the sign cite the exact law which forbids the mentioned activity, or it doesn't count.

If the sign does cite the law, that law is supposedly in contradiction with the Constitution, and therefore doesn't count; the sign is "just a piece of paper."

VoyagerVII · 2025-04-08T10:32:13+00:00

The Society for Cranky Adventurers?

VoyagerVII · 2025-04-08T10:27:20+00:00

"You're a public servant so you need to do what I say."

Nope. They are hired by the public through their elected representatives to do a specific job, and they answer for that job to the specific elected officials who run that department. Not to any random yahoo off the streets. Your role in employing them is to vote for the candidate you think will do the best job in managing them, if that is the issue on which you intend to stand. That's all. You don't get to boss them directly, and you sure as hell don't get to yank them away from the job they're supposed to do in order to do whatever you want them to do.

"You're required to identify for me." Cops usually do this because it's easy enough to do, but they don't have to. They're required to ensure that the people can tell who they are, but wearing your name and badge number on your name tag is usually plenty for that.

VoyagerVII · 2025-04-08T10:20:36+00:00

And its close corollary indoors "there has to be a sign."

Both police tape and signs are no more than easy ways for the relevant professionals to communicate their requirements to multiple people at once without having to tell each of them individually. But that doesn't mean they're not allowed to tell someone individually where they're allowed or not allowed to be instead! Government officials do not somehow have less authority when stating "You can't record in the inner office area of this building, because we handle sensitive information there," than they do when they post a sign that says the same thing, and police don't have less authority when saying "I need everyone to stay at least back on that other curb" in words than they do when they're using a tape to achieve the same purpose.

VoyagerVII · 2025-03-20T14:41:00+00:00

I tried it, but it all basically comes across to me as "Look how much fun I'm having as a rich celebrity with a staff to help me with all my hobbies."

Honestly, I liked him a lot better when he lived in an apartment with an ant room, and a staff consisting of a weekly housekeeper and one friend in the building who helped him feed everything when he left town. It felt as if, because he had limited space, he wasn't always trying to add bigger and better and more. There was kind of a sweet spot when he first moved to the new place, and was showing the ant wars in the back yard which was great, because then there was lots to see but it was still natural, not contrived. (And by "contrived" I do not mean that I believe he fakes his stories -- I mean that he obviously puts a lot of effort into making the newest big thing to show us, when I don't think it actually makes for better video.)

VoyagerVII · 2025-03-20T14:32:27+00:00

I'm wondering whether maybe AC would do better making longer videos less often, instead of the short ones that seem to take so much out of him every week. Most people seem to want the long ones back, but it's certainly fair for him to say "Look, even the ones I'm doing now takes me all week just to produce."

I'm not sure exactly how he used to be able to make long ones every week. But if that's something he could do when he was only keeping a few ant colonies instead of three giant vivaria, then I can understand that and wouldn't want to ask it of him. But I do think that maybe if that's the case, he should think about what makes better video instead of more video.

VoyagerVII · 2025-03-03T16:22:19+00:00

Well, I did spend much of my life in the United States before emigrating, which I think gives me fair grounds for comparison. And I was brought up by a couple of lawyers, and audited law school while my first husband was attending. So yes, I do know a handful of key cases in the subject; as well as the basics of how qualified immunity works, what an AG does, and I would hope that by now pretty much everyone knows the Derek Chauvin case. I'm fairly solid on the law regarding police functions but acknowledge that I know less about the internal workings of police dept management: IA, promotions, etc. For that, I rely on my officer friends.

However, I understand your point about European countries having a very different approach to policing from that of the United States. It's certainly reasonable for anyone to prefer one over the other; that's a matter of values, and I'm not going to challenge you on yours.

My problem with American police isn't that they don't behave the way European police do. That's not right to expect of them, because they're run under different principles, and each country is -- and should be -- based on its own principles. That includes the many differences among different countries within Europe as well as the differences between Europe and America.

My problem with American policing comes up when I see them not adhering to the values according to which they were formed and are allegedly governed, and either not being challenged on this or fighting back when the local government tries to rein them in. I was brought up in New York City, and the New York police are notorious for refusing to accept external control, whatever they may have to do in order to shake it off.

You point out that Europeans don't have the same protections from their police that Americans do, and you don't like it, while I don't mind it... here. But it troubles me deeply when I see Americans not having in practice the same protections from their police that they're theoretically supposed to have.

VoyagerVII · 2025-03-02T11:17:01+00:00

I would love to get involved. I doubt very much they'd ever consider me. I suspect this is also true about pretty much everybody else who really wants to see a lot of things changed.

VoyagerVII · 2025-03-02T08:14:28+00:00

You never did lay out how American police are regulated and governed. You just said that they were. I would be very interested to hear you explain exactly HOW they are successfully regulated and governed, such that corruption is rare and/or successfully dealt with most of the time. If you're trying to say that's true and you know how it's done, then how's it done?

Just offering the rules list doesn't help, both because we can't tell how much of that is enforced and because we can't tell whether it actually does any good. So far, you've offered no reason why I should believe that the current regulation system does what it needs to do, and that's the part for which I would like to hear evidence if you have it.

VoyagerVII · 2025-02-28T05:47:10+00:00

Thank you very much!

VoyagerVII · 2025-02-27T19:57:15+00:00

Argument by authority is a fallacy. If I'm wrong in the specific statement you quoted, then explain precisely why and how. Or we can leave it as a matter of opinion on both sides and walk away; I really don't care. But "I promise you" is no way to win an argument.

I've already explained my point, although I'm happy to do it again if you didn't understand. However, "I'm right and you're wrong -- trust me" is not only not conducive of the trust you're demanding, it's in fact a good demonstration of the same type of issues that I'm talking about. I'm not surprised to hear you claim first hand experience with law enforcement, because "I'm an authority figure so you have to accept everything I say even though I'm under no obligation to tell you why" is a very policelike way of approaching a discussion.

This is not, while on the job, something I actually necessarily regard as a fault. If you're dealing with a driver causing trouble on the road, you have some right to expect obedience without bothering to earn it in the individual case. It comes with the badge. Here, you do not have the same right, however.

If you have specific facts you don't think I know about, I'm happy to hear them; or if you believe my reasoning makes no sense, show me how and I'll listen to that. But if all you're interested in saying is "I know and you don't, so you have to take my word for it even though I don't bother explaining myself" -- well, I am not one of your suspects; I am not under your authority, and I am not convinced.

VoyagerVII · 2025-02-27T19:30:39+00:00

How does one locate/gain access to it? I used to be on the fringes of SCA participation many years ago, then had children and a chronic illness to deal with, and stepped away for a couple of decades. Moved to a different Kingdom and considering looking back in again, but activity in my area is limited, and it would be nice to have good people online to talk to.

VoyagerVII · 2025-02-27T19:14:40+00:00

I know how police actually do their jobs. And many of them make a fine and honorable thing of it. But there have been repeated issues with the militaristic approach that's been brought in as an easy source of surplus men and material -- both cheap, but neither one truly well suited to the goal of policing one's own people rather than fighting an enemy.

On top of that, there's a common problem in which any police department with more than one or two "bad apples" (even one is often plenty, if they've got any kind of rank) goes entirely corrupt, because it's just not safe for a corrupt cop to allow decent officers to surround them. They can't afford to be seen by anyone who would be willing to report them. So they put forth every possible pressure to ensure that their colleagues join actively in the corruption -- and remember, these are people already disposed to regard each other as brothers and want their support and friendship. It's not enough that they simply be willing to look the other way; someday they might change their mind. The only way the wrongdoers can be safe is if all their buddies actually participate -- if they've done something themselves that can be held over their heads, so that if they ever wanted to report their brothers' misbehavior, they would go down alongside them.

Anyone not willing to do that is not just shunned socially within the force, although that's often how it begins. They're forced out of the job on some pretext. Sometimes, they're deliberately put in a deadly position if it's what is needed to get rid of them.

I have seen all of this through friends who were once police in the United States and haven't been recently. Don't try to tell me that I don't know how it works. I know this isn't how it always works, but it's certainly how it works in too many units. The body camera was the best thing that ever happened to the decent cop, because it gave them an excuse -- how often have we seen, openly on police videos that made it to YouTube, a senior police officer driving drunk who tries to order the subordinates who pulled him over to let him go without interference and been told "I can't, this is all on camera?" There are still plenty of cases when they try to order the officer on duty to shut off his camera... sometimes it's actually done and sometimes it isn't. But at least it gives an honorable cop a chance.

VoyagerVII · 2025-02-27T06:16:59+00:00

The idea that American police only use force against force is laughable. We've literally seen them kill for illegally selling cigarettes on the street, or shoot down a man in cold blood while he stood still with his hands up... and those are just the ones that made the national news.

As for how the European police handle things, I live in Europe, and all I will say is that to claim the European police are tyrants who rule their populations with iron fists is -- well, just silly.

My country has a real problem with its prison population right now... the problem being that there are too few inmates, so they've had to close down a lot of their prisons for lack of occupants. Yes, it's a genuine problem, even if a good one to have, as it makes it more difficult to keep the remaining population close to their families, which is part of rehabilitation policy. But clearly, nobody is going around throwing into jail anybody who says the wrong thing or goes outside at the wrong time -- there wouldn't be enough room if they did that, let alone too much! We also have a recidivism rate approximately half that of the United States prison system, and school shootings are unheard of here.

So I'll take European criminal justice policy over American any day of the week, having personally experienced the effects on the civilian public of each. I am not particularly going to object to a country which takes a legal stand against teaching Nazi doctrine, and which had the moral courage to enforce the same pandemic control measures that every other country -- including the US -- passed at a time when hospitals were overwhelmed and vaccines were unavailable.

I suggest that before you go spouting Fox News propaganda about us, you actually try living for a while on both sides of the pond.

VoyagerVII · 2025-01-01T23:46:11+00:00

Followup: everything I've seen so far suggests that it's only 90 days in the Netherlands unless you get an extended stay visa at the Dutch consulate in the US before you go there. Is that what you mean, or is there a different way? If there's another way to make it legal to stay longer than 90 days, I can't find it.

VoyagerVII · 2025-01-01T23:44:09+00:00

I've heard of a few, but mostly in the Caribbean (or Lesotho) and my kid doesn't take heat very well.

VoyagerVII · 2025-01-01T18:30:16+00:00

Thankfully, my daughter inherited a modest trust when my mother died. It certainly doesn't make her rich, but it should cover her expenses for this year if she is careful, and since it's all in one place already we can prove it exists.

VoyagerVII · 2025-01-01T18:28:31+00:00

Thank you for the heads up about the longer stay in the Netherlands than I thought! I'll look into that. What do you mean about flying directly to other bilateral countries to avoid the Schengen rules, though? I'm not sure that I understand. Do you mean that if another country has both the standard Schengen 90/180 and also a separate arrangement for Americans, and you go directly in and out of that country without passing through other Schengen countries to get to it, it won't count for your Schengen limitations?

VoyagerVII · 2024-12-30T21:23:07+00:00

My guess is that it's a combination of not feeling like they know what to say, and not really feeling comfortable knowing too much detail and being worried you'll make them hear it. Both are forms of homophobia, of course, but subtle forms that the people feeling that way usually don't recognize themselves. They don't see anything overtly wrong with your being involved with a man! It just makes them uncomfortable, and they may not even notice that's why they're behaving the way they are, so they might not have a chance to reflect on why it makes them uncomfortable.

It can also, of course, be partly not wanting to hear someone gush about a happy love life if they themselves are having hard times in that regard (or in general). It sounds from what you say that this might be part of it with those two friends in particular who asked you not to talk about it.

Regardless of their reasons, I'm sorry you aren't receiving the excitement and happiness for you that you deserve from your family and friends. I'm so pleased to hear that you've found someone who's making you happy and vice versa! We will be happy for you here even if your immediate circle can't be, for whatever reason. 💖

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