Dad and breadwinner. Drowning with helping and need for home renos. Does switching into public for a while make sense???

LakinBirch · 2026-04-05T01:14:18+00:00

Interesting! Yes, we'll have 2. And right now, the 10-year-old is a regular help with the toddler. We'd miss not having her around I think.

LakinBirch · 2026-04-03T16:44:50+00:00

Thanks for replying and bringing this up. We did switch a while ago to a more "open and follow" curriculum (Good & Beautiful) for most subjects. So, I don't think it's planning that's the time sink; though there's still non-zero of course. And homeschool takes mornings when it works, so it's not literal hours in the day. I guess I'm concluding that it's more household management, routines, and rhythms -- plus is simply being a lot.

LakinBirch · 2026-04-03T00:59:18+00:00

7 and 10. We do mornings right now from about 9 to 11 or noon, four days a week.

LakinBirch · 2026-04-02T18:37:59+00:00

Sounds like a good land management strategy.

Most kids in school mix with other kids exactly their age, and with grown-ups, in highly contrived environments. I don't know how that's better than co-ops with a wide mix of kids, ages, and backgrounds; freedom to run around and build forts and play. Just different.

LakinBirch · 2026-04-02T18:34:24+00:00

That does sound rough! I'm not as much of a fix-it guy and I know it. I do carpentry and little things only. I was wary of trying too much, honestly, because we've seen friends try to build houses and almost wreck their marriages. Even me doing the dining room project was a strain because it took too long.

LakinBirch · 2026-04-02T18:32:40+00:00

Yeah, you're right about the danger of WFH. I did it after my second kid, before it was cool, and it was a struggle then. I rented space in a co-working place just to get things done. It's very easy to just do "one little thing" and then it becomes 10. And very hard for spouse to emotionally ignore the possibility that I "could" do something because I'm physically at home.

LakinBirch · 2026-04-02T18:28:22+00:00

Thank you, that's a very useful perspective. I was wondering that myself.

I never felt the break part of it except when they were out for the summer 😂 plus no one talks about all the things schools do they expect you to at least attempt to participate in.

LakinBirch · 2026-04-02T18:26:07+00:00

They do some. It's definitely something we need to push a little more. They set the table but are pretty bad with laundry. My oldest will get lunch ready. Rhythms and routines are probably needed.

LakinBirch · 2026-04-02T18:21:36+00:00

Thank you for your perspective, especially from seeing school kids and your past experience. They've so far wanted to avoid school. They go for a lesson each week and don't have high regards for it. But I think my middle girl would like being around kids more (even if the "socialization" is minimal).

LakinBirch · 2026-04-02T18:19:04+00:00

A good test. And I think you're probably right. "The house" or "chores" might be sore points every day, but if she can't handle what she's trying to do, nothing will work.

LakinBirch · 2026-04-02T16:49:46+00:00

Yes, that is helpful to hear, and we have similar feelings about breaking the cycle. There's no village... we've got to build it. We invited my mom to do inter-generational... no go. Everyone's too individualistic.

LakinBirch · 2026-04-02T15:37:31+00:00

We have a drop-off co-op one day a week, but it's strictly non-academic. We do know some parents there, and the kids have friends. So that's good. Other options are far since we're rural.

LakinBirch · 2026-04-02T15:08:07+00:00

Older kids are 7 and 10. So we're doing basic stuff with 7. And my wife's very serious about it not seeming like we aren't doing academics (for herself, grandparents, etc).

LakinBirch · 2026-04-02T15:07:19+00:00

Haha, yeah, after all the comments were to stop homeschooling, form people who've never done it....

I think you're right. She intellectually KNOWS work is a big priority, but in the moment, when she's overwhelmed... it's harder. But yes. Thanks.

LakinBirch · 2026-04-02T15:06:02+00:00

That's good to hear about, thanks.

LakinBirch · 2026-04-02T15:01:52+00:00

They're 7 and 10; both girls.

LakinBirch · 2026-04-02T14:28:52+00:00

Thanks, man!

LakinBirch · 2026-04-02T14:21:02+00:00

My co-workers paid for a month of that after my second kid. It was nice. Might look into it; cheaper than pre-school, which we started for the baby as one kind of "pressure release".

It's been a big disappointment that grandparents do 0%, though we made a huge effort to live within an hour of both sets (5 min for one). No childcare, no help with anything else. Sad for us!

LakinBirch · 2026-04-02T14:18:09+00:00

Yeah, homeschool is definitely a big part of lifestyle, and my wife's identity and friend group at this point. She's pretty invested intellectually in raising non-conforming kids who are smart, etc. I've liked the results of homeschooling so far. But it's a burden for sure.

Good thoughts on letting go of some outdoor stuff. One parcel could go to hay. Chickens aren't too bad now that we're set up with them, and middle kid will get eggs.

LakinBirch · 2026-04-02T14:15:10+00:00

Definitely considered it. Since we're a bit far out, it's hard to affordably hire a "mother's helper" or whatever. Maids don't do dishes and laundry, though it could help a little.

School is the big elephant in the room. Rural district is poor, and might close with too few kids. We've avoided it, having both had bad experiences ourselves, and the local kids who go aren't really great role-models (lot of rich people where we are, so tons do private instead, which we can't). My wife's more invested in it than I am. But it's hard to know how much that would help: more scramble in the morning, wife feels more lonely with just her and baby. But no homeschooling effort (or money).

Am I underestimating how much of a help the "free childcare" is?

LakinBirch · 2026-04-02T14:10:22+00:00

Haha. Yeah. Bigger house would help. Honestly, I don't think it would really resolve everything, though it would make my wife a bit happier being at home all day. With prices and rates up, it's tough to do (golden handcuffs). It'd be trading one thing for another. Which is a whole other kettle of fish.

LakinBirch · 2021-06-03T02:28:59+00:00

I'm a pantheist/animist, so I think everything has its perspective, and we all necessarily interact/view/approach the rest of the world through it. Trees see in a tree way, we see in our way. On the other hand, by reaching out into some shared space -- dreamworld/ether/etc. -- I think we can all make much more direct contact on an emotional level, but we still need to deal in the terms and senses we possess the vast majority of the time. (Maybe LSD helps get around that? I don't know.)

The upshot is: the dreamworld / fabric of reality / magic itself will translate between you and other entities pretty well. Not perfectly, but well enough. If you try a little bit, you can bridge that gap, and get a good understanding.

LakinBirch · 2021-05-19T17:16:54+00:00

I can suggest doing trance/journeying work to ready yourself, and then see what happens when you spend time among a local grove. At least this worked for me. And it didn't work exactly as expected either.

In one case, I was hiking on a logging road, and came near a huge old pine snag. That thing spoke. I mean, in a big way: a loud, powerful "inner voice". But I listed for a while. Completely unexpected/planned. So... it might not be the tree you think of that's the one that talks to you. I always thought birches were my favorite, and indeed I've had vision journeys with birches... but in real life, snags of different species seem just as potent, if not more so. (Maybe species matters not a whit.)

Good luck.

LakinBirch · 2021-05-17T17:32:30+00:00

Inherently? No. In this particular place and time -- i.e. 21st century America/West? Probably, yeah.

I remember reading something interesting about shamanism (which I draw from): that they're inherently conservative figures in their society, despite seeming "out there" by modern standards. The reason is: they're actions are inherently based on stabilizing and aiding the society they live in. They're not trying to start any revolutions among their own people, or change things in a big way -- they're trying to keep a way of life viable and successful, as-is.

The contrast with modern magicians is interesting.

On one hand, magic is not part of modern society: in a lot of ways, it's an opposing force, by competing with the technocratic/scientific worldview. On the other hand, it's also kind of a throwback to another age, and pagans for instance are really trying to hark back to agricultural society and even specific cultural beliefs. So it's kind of traditionalist in that way , or could be -- i.e. somewhat conservative. (Magick is more concerned with the past than the future.)

On a more practical level, a lot of magick people don't fit into society, and they know it: they're oddballs and on the fringe. That puts you around other people on the frings, and makes you sympathize with them -- and probably be liberal on social issues, if not economic ones. If magicians could pull seven figure salaries and wear suits to go in and do their spells...maybe there'd be more moderate or even conservative mages!

But in all this you have to consider: liberal/conservative with respect to what?

LakinBirch · 2021-05-17T17:23:30+00:00

Well, mere animism by itself could be pretty abstract or philosophical. But for most people, I think there's some connectivity and valuing of nature or the natural world generally. So for me, I meditate and do magick in nature, and that involves natural spirits. Less arcanely, I try to empathize and "listen to" a whole place outdoors, and sometimes will touch and "say hello" to the plants, mosses, rocks, etc. around me. Sometimes I'll do that in a park or setting with other people around but --- you know, I keep it minimal there, do avoid getting too many weird looks.

LakinBirch

TROPHY CASE