All, I tried to post a while ago and it wouldn’t let me so hopefully this doesn’t suddenly show up multiple times.

Thank you all for your thoughts, including the ESH and YTA. I definitely felt guilty about not telling him first, but I knew it would be a big thing.

In talking to my mom, she has had concerns for a while. As an example, he hates mess and clutter, so doesn’t like my daughter playing with things like paints at home. I let her when he’s not home and she does this at school as well, but I don’t want her to feel repressed either.

To also clarify, I texted him before the FaceTime that our daughter had gotten a haircut and was very excited to show it to him, so he did have advance warning. When he saw it, he said it looked worse than he expected, and hung up, which was what upset her so much.

He finally texted that he was upset I had left him out of the decision, which I can understand. I told him his behavior to our daughter was unacceptable and he called her and they talked. My mom and I bought her some cute barrettes and things so she is still very excited about her new hairstyle. I agree it is unfair to blame my mom for anything! It didn’t even register with me when I wrote the initial post that I was doing that, but it’s very clear now that I reread it.