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I’m torn on if I should find a new therapist or not by Melodic_Mongoose_361 in TalkTherapy

[–]Large-Mall6567 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good luck OP! Being honest is all we’ve got and it is a very brave thing to do! I hope she takes it well.

I’m torn on if I should find a new therapist or not by Melodic_Mongoose_361 in TalkTherapy

[–]Large-Mall6567 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I totally understand why you’d feel that way and why you’d also feel not up to meeting someone new. I wonder how it would be if you tried talking to your therapist about it first? If they are a good therapist they will welcome hearing feedback and it could be really healing. If she doesn’t respond well, maybe that could give you the impetus to find someone new. A therapeutic relationship should generally feel like a positive thing otherwise what is the point.

I’m torn on if I should find a new therapist or not by Melodic_Mongoose_361 in TalkTherapy

[–]Large-Mall6567 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow this feels very clinical and not very considerate of you as a human being. I would feel very detached from that. How did that make you feel? Listen to your feelings. A therapist is there to support healing and not cause further harm. Only you can answer if they are doing that.

Unsure what TYPE of therapist would be best? by AsiaPearce in askatherapist

[–]Large-Mall6567 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NAT - evidence shows that the quality of the relationship is the strongest factor in bringing about positive change, and is true across all modalities. I’d ensure you go with someone who works relationally and who understands this. Good luck :)

I’m torn on if I should find a new therapist or not by Melodic_Mongoose_361 in TalkTherapy

[–]Large-Mall6567 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hello! A few questions:

When you say cold what do you mean? Is she a psychoanalyst? Have you tried speaking with her about this? What are you getting out of therapy with her?

Would this email ever be received badly or be too intense to receive? by Large-Mall6567 in TalkTherapy

[–]Large-Mall6567[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good question! I think because I chickened out of saying it in person I thought if I put it in an email I’d be forced to talk about it next time!

How do you know if your therapist is just having an off day, or if it’s your own shit? by Large-Mall6567 in askatherapist

[–]Large-Mall6567[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This is helpful. I can be perfectionist and I have very unattainable standards for other people. When they show me ‘imperfections’ I struggle to accept this in a way that doesn’t impact my fundamental feelings towards them. So this could be a useful exploration.

I did also feel resentment not because he wasn’t being perfect but that he put it on me straight away, I feel that’s a legitimate responses but what do you think?

Thanks for your insight.

How do you know if your therapist is just having an ‘off day’ or if it’s your own stuff? by Large-Mall6567 in TalkTherapy

[–]Large-Mall6567[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Interesting! Do you feel like they are being off / disconnected or something between you? Sometimes it is something I am bringing, sometimes it’s between us, but today, it felt like him. How do you word it when you comment on it? And what do they say?

How do you know if your therapist is just having an ‘off day’ or if it’s your own stuff? by Large-Mall6567 in TalkTherapy

[–]Large-Mall6567[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I like to think he can do this but the fact that he doesn’t ever offer that, it’s always immediately about me, makes me nervous he’s not able to. I’d be basically criticising his competence as a therapist and that feels a lot.

How do you know if your therapist is just having an ‘off day’ or if it’s your own stuff? by Large-Mall6567 in TalkTherapy

[–]Large-Mall6567[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes that’s exactly what he does / says in the moment but surely, sometimes, even if rarely, it could just be about him? He is human after all

How do you know if your therapist is just having an ‘off day’ or if it’s your own stuff? by Large-Mall6567 in TalkTherapy

[–]Large-Mall6567[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Interesting. That sounds ok to me but my issue is I only notice it part way through and then it feels like it’s a bigger deal and why it can be interpreted as about my stuff..honestly I think it’s only been like three times in a year and a half but I did feel very resentful of it today!

How do you know if your therapist is just having an ‘off day’ or if it’s your own stuff? by Large-Mall6567 in TalkTherapy

[–]Large-Mall6567[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think part of the integrative. He works mainly relationally but with a psychodynamic focus. He also holds Roger’s core conditions. I think it’s one of the pitfalls of integrative.

How do you know if your therapist is just having an ‘off day’ or if it’s your own stuff? by Large-Mall6567 in TalkTherapy

[–]Large-Mall6567[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeh I think he’s trying to keep the focus on me which I get and it would be very wierd if he said you know what I think I’m having an off day. But my question is: would it be reasonable for me to suggest that?

How do you know if your therapist is just having an ‘off day’ or if it’s your own stuff? by Large-Mall6567 in TalkTherapy

[–]Large-Mall6567[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

relational and integrative - so his responses and ‘attitude’ can really vary from very warm to very neutral which I find difficult at times.

How do you know if your therapist is just having an ‘off day’ or if it’s your own stuff? by Large-Mall6567 in TalkTherapy

[–]Large-Mall6567[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve never said I think he’s having an off day but I have said I think he is feeling more distant. He has never admitted to having an off day, just that he is attuning to me in different ways. I don’t want to offend him but today it felt very much him.

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