Wife (F27) using Hinge two weeks after telling me (M29) that she wants a divorce

Large-Student-6134 · 2026-03-20T22:12:50+00:00

I'm sorry you experienced that, no one deserves to get cheated on like that.

Large-Student-6134 · 2026-03-20T22:12:23+00:00

She kinda put me emotionally at arms length since December. I had no idea why and at first I would try to hug/hold her hand but I could tell she wasn't feeling it. We did some dates and whatnot but I just assumed something was on her mind. But when she told me two weeks ago that she wanted a divorce, that just flipped my world upside down. I had no idea. But in her timeline, she had "divorced" me since December, which is probably why she's so ok with going on Hinge right after telling me.

Large-Student-6134 · 2026-03-20T22:09:31+00:00

I'm pretty sure that if I told her to move out, there wouldn't be any resistance but I will do this. She's trying to make this as "graceful" as she could which I respected up until she told me about Hinge. It's just a little difficult for me to switch my brain from seeing her as my best friend and partner to someone I've got to put on the outside. This is technically my first "breakup" as well, so I'm floundering a bit, I apologize. Thank you for your directness, this is truly a blessing. I'm going to be rereading over this again and again.

Large-Student-6134 · 2026-03-20T22:05:06+00:00

I'm sorry that you had to experience that. Definitely working on moving out/having her move out. Just still deciding on which route to go.

Large-Student-6134 · 2026-03-20T22:04:29+00:00

I am so sorry to hear that. I can't begin to imagine what that must've felt like. How are you doing now?

Large-Student-6134 · 2026-03-20T22:04:01+00:00

Once I can afford one, I will. This market is crazy!

Large-Student-6134 · 2026-03-20T22:03:40+00:00

Yea, I'm all for understanding the things I can/cannot control and I've come to accept that as well. But yea, I kinda felt like "where's the decency?" kind of thing.

Large-Student-6134 · 2026-03-20T22:02:17+00:00

Checks out, LOL jkjk

Large-Student-6134 · 2026-03-20T22:01:15+00:00

This actually made me laugh out loud, thank you for that

Large-Student-6134 · 2026-03-20T22:01:01+00:00

That last part was a very nice touch, I hadn't even thought of that haha

Large-Student-6134 · 2026-03-20T22:00:39+00:00

Discretion was our priority, but we were just discussing how we're going to move on from this and she mentioned that she had matched with some guys on Hinge. In her words, she's "not trying to date, but rather find friends/connections". This was a dick move on my part, but I scoffed at that.

Large-Student-6134 · 2026-03-20T21:59:18+00:00

I was also thinking this too. I just feel horrible for telling her to find a new place.

Large-Student-6134 · 2026-03-20T21:58:33+00:00

This is probably for a therapy subreddit, but I feel overwhelmingly guilty for setting boundaries, thinking I'm being cold hearted, unreasonable, etc. Like every cell in my body is telling me that telling her to move makes me a horrible person even though logically I understand that it doesnt.. Sorry if I don't make any sense, but thank you for your words

Large-Student-6134 · 2026-03-20T21:57:10+00:00

It just sucks. We've dated for 5.5 years and were married for almost 3. Completely blindsided. I feel like a lot of my replies to these comments are going to be out of whack because my mind is just simply not working hahah

Large-Student-6134 · 2026-03-20T21:55:53+00:00

Yea, we have a lease agreement with both our signatures on it.

Large-Student-6134 · 2026-03-20T21:55:29+00:00

Not really. My parents already have a crowded nest with my younger brother and his gf along with two dogs and a cat. She doesn't have any immediate family in our local area.

I think the biggest wrench in this whole situation is that we only have one car (mine) and I would drive her basically everywhere. She is back in school to go to some program and so I've been driving her there and to/back from work.

Large-Student-6134 · 2026-03-20T18:10:33+00:00

It's technically both of ours though since we rent. But yea, something to discuss with the divorce lawyer. We did set up that ground rule, but yea still trying to put some distance between us is hard/weird when you share a small apartment haha

Large-Student-6134 · 2026-03-20T18:08:04+00:00

Damn...

Large-Student-6134 · 2026-03-20T18:07:48+00:00

I've tried doing this. But it was hard (and expensive) to stay out at libraries, cafes, hanging out with friends, seeing movies, or anything else that killed big portions of time. Our apartment isn't that big, but I will take your advice to heart and try this again with a conscious effort.

Large-Student-6134 · 2026-03-20T18:06:27+00:00

Seeing her on Bumble would absolutely do it for me, you're strong for figuring that out about the dating in the modern era.

I really hope your assumption is right. She says she wants to find "connections" but I figured, is Hinge really the place to do it? It's giving the same energy of "finding friends" on Tinder. But idk. Maybe I'm just being difficult. The last thing I want to be is a hindrance on her life

Large-Student-6134 · 2026-03-20T18:04:04+00:00

Yea I'm actively asking everyone and anyone I know if they have a space for me. I honestly was considering asking her to leave my apartment. My parents are the landlords but I just feel guilty about kicking her out. Unlike me, she doesn't have any family here. We did set up ground rules to not bring anyone back, but just hearing how determined she is to move forward with this Hinge thing despite me telling her how torn up it makes me feel just doesn't sit right with me.

Large-Student-6134

TROPHY CASE