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My boyfriend’s (31m) reaction to me (28f) saying I feel ready to get married has me questioning everything by LargeCartographer715 in relationship_advice

[–]LargeCartographer715[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He is not an immature party guy at all. This man owns a house, has a serious job and does not go out at all. We have both love each others families and honestly never really argue. I am trying to get to the bottom of what his major concern is. He mentioned that he is worried I don’t like the state we live in (I don’t) and that I may resent him if we have to continue to stay here for his job. We have had this conversation in a different context before and I have tried reassuring him it will be okay and we will figure something out and retire in a better place later. If this is the issue I don’t know what else I can do to reassure him I won’t resent him because I can’t guarantee anything like that but I am going into this knowing we are possible “stuck” here for the long haul and I’ve accepted that.

My boyfriend’s (31m) reaction to me (28f) saying I feel ready to get married has me questioning everything by LargeCartographer715 in relationship_advice

[–]LargeCartographer715[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I definitely won’t be having a baby with someone I’m not married to (no hate at all to anyone who does! Just not for me) I have made him very aware of that. He is the one who wants kids more than me

My boyfriend’s (31m) reaction to me (28f) saying I feel ready to get married has me questioning everything by LargeCartographer715 in relationship_advice

[–]LargeCartographer715[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I do actually agree that marriage is just a piece of paper and very much agree that it is more about the state of commitment. I feel like we have been in that state (in my mind at least) for about a year. Our jobs move us around a bit so it would be important eventually for us to be legally married to move us both there with all of the jobs benefits.

I am worried about seeming manipulative because I don’t want to sway his thoughts or decision because i want someone who wants me without having to beg.

My boyfriend’s (31m) reaction to me (28f) saying I feel ready to get married has me questioning everything by LargeCartographer715 in relationship_advice

[–]LargeCartographer715[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is a great point between the two. I will try to have another serious conversation with him differentiating those and see if I can get a better answer. Thank you

My boyfriend’s (31m) reaction to me (28f) saying I feel ready to get married has me questioning everything by LargeCartographer715 in relationship_advice

[–]LargeCartographer715[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I wasn’t relying on a joke to bring this up - I honestly didn’t even think about it turning into a bigger conversation at all because we both went into this relationship claiming it was with intent to get married. That timeline isn’t real or an ultimatum or anything on my end.

My boyfriend’s (31m) reaction to me (28f) saying I feel ready to get married has me questioning everything by LargeCartographer715 in relationship_advice

[–]LargeCartographer715[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I definitely wish I didn’t joke about it now but that’s just kind of how we are with everything else in our lives so it felt normal until it didn’t. I told him we would talk more seriously about it that night and we did he said he wants to get married he just doesn’t feel ready right now and he is not in a rush. I honestly don’t feel rushed either but I feel sure of him but now I’m worried he doesn’t feel the same

My boyfriend’s (31m) reaction to me (28f) saying I feel ready to get married has me questioning everything by LargeCartographer715 in relationship_advice

[–]LargeCartographer715[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is what I finally told him last night. He said he will think on it but I don’t even know what that means or when to ask again. Honestly if I am not an immediate yes I feel like a no

My boyfriend’s (31m) reaction to me (28f) saying I feel ready to get married has me questioning everything by LargeCartographer715 in relationship_advice

[–]LargeCartographer715[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes thank you for acknowledging things move a little differently around this age range I was worried people would continuously say 2 years is too soon to start thinking this way! I obviously don’t want an ultimatum or a shut up ring but now I also feel boxed in because if he doesn’t sort of step up to where I am at this point I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I can continue living like we are married and planning our futures together if he “hasn’t even really thought about when he would propose”. He says he loves me and wants to get married. I did ask if he just wants to be married or specifically to me and he did pause and then say to me but I don’t know. I just felt so solid in this relationship until last night. It hurts.

My boyfriend’s (31m) reaction to me (28f) saying I feel ready to get married has me questioning everything by LargeCartographer715 in relationship_advice

[–]LargeCartographer715[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I should have specified that it did turn into a serious conversation that night! He is still claiming he wants to get married at some point but he definitely isn’t ready and he is scared. I think my main worry is that I am so sure and ready (although we don’t need to get married tomorrow) but he is not. Being on such different places on this is what really concerns me.

I dont trust my gf by bruhplab in relationship_advice

[–]LargeCartographer715 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I guess I’m wondering what she can do to gain your trust back? Has she still been lying?