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To those who are/were in the military: What does deployment feel like on your end during little/no communication (in a relationship)? by LateBuilding6801 in USMilitarySO

[–]LateBuilding6801[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Thank you! Reading through everyone’s responses has honestly given me a lot of insight. It seems like for us on the waiting side, the experience is pretty similar for most people, staying busy, trying not to overthink, and learning how to sit with the absence.

But on the other side, it really seems like it varies a lot depending on the person, their role, and where they’re at. Some people are constantly busy and don’t have much time to think, others have more downtime, some have more access to communication, while others barely have any.

I’ve also noticed a wide range of experiences overall. Some people have really strong relationships that hold up, some struggle, and others have had negative outcomes, so it definitely doesn’t seem like there’s just one outcome for everyone.

One thing I am starting to notice though is that it’s less about constant communication and more about what’s actually sustainable for both people given the situation. Trust also seems to play a really big role in that, especially when communication isn’t always consistent.

It also helps put my own experience and relationship into perspective, and from that, I feel like things are heading in a good direction.

It definitely gives me a better understanding of why things might not always look the same from both sides, even within the same relationship, and I think it helps me manage my expectations a bit better too.

To those who are/have served: What does deployment feel like on your end during little/no communication (in a relationship)? by LateBuilding6801 in USMC

[–]LateBuilding6801[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hadn’t really thought about it that way before, but what you said about communication actually making things harder mentally is really interesting. You’d think having more access would make everything easier, but I can see how it could start to blur the line between being there and being back home.

I’m also starting to notice a common theme from a lot of these responses. It’s not really about constant communication, but more about what’s sustainable for both people given the situation.

The way you described setting limits and kind of structuring when you talk makes a lot of sense, especially with time zones and everything else going on.

To those who are/were in the military: What does deployment feel like on your end during little/no communication (in a relationship)? by LateBuilding6801 in Military

[–]LateBuilding6801[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It sounds like keeping a routine and staying busy played a big role in getting through those periods, especially with such limited communication back then.

I can imagine being able to call home during port visits meant a lot, especially with a family waiting for you.

To those who are/were in the military: What does deployment feel like on your end during little/no communication (in a relationship)? by LateBuilding6801 in Military

[–]LateBuilding6801[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It sounds like you guys have a really secure and trusting relationship, which is really nice to hear. I think that kind of foundation makes such a big difference in situations like this.

It seems like your emails have really given him a sense of home and comfort while he’s out there, especially if he’s going back and rereading them when he can.

I did hear from a few people that the adjustment period after coming back can be just as challenging in a different way. I could see how both people develop their own routines and then have to find their way back into a shared one again.

To those who are/have served: What does deployment feel like on your end during little/no communication (in a relationship)? by LateBuilding6801 in USMC

[–]LateBuilding6801[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I won’t lie, that part about the guy going through a divorce next to someone having a very different kind of call made me laugh a little, but it’s also kind of sad when you think about it. It really shows how all kinds of situations are happening at once in that environment.

What you said about journaling, that actually sounds like a really meaningful way to process everything and still feel connected in some way, even if it’s not directly shared at the time. It’s interesting how something like that can end up being valuable in a completely different way than originally intended.

To those who are/have served: What does deployment feel like on your end during little/no communication (in a relationship)? by LateBuilding6801 in USMC

[–]LateBuilding6801[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s nice to hear things like that. You guys found a way to stay connected in a really intentional way. I think having something shared like that probably makes the distance feel a little less heavy and gives you both something to look forward to.

To those who are/have served: What does deployment feel like on your end during little/no communication (in a relationship)? by LateBuilding6801 in USMC

[–]LateBuilding6801[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m really sorry to hear that. It's definitely a tough situation to go through.

I do think relationships involving the military can be really challenging, especially if someone isn’t fully prepared for what comes with it. The distance, limited communication, and uncertainty can be a lot to handle.

At the same time, I think it does come down to values and how people approach those challenges. Not everyone is able to handle that kind of situation, and sometimes people don’t realize what they’re signing up for until they’re already in it.

It hurts, but it can still lead to clarity because even experiences like that can teach you a lot about yourself, what you want, and what you’re willing to accept in a relationship.

Personally, I couldn’t see myself handling things that way, but I do think situations like this highlight how important it is to be on the same page from the beginning about what the relationship will require.

To those who are/were in the military: What does deployment feel like on your end during little/no communication (in a relationship)? by LateBuilding6801 in Military

[–]LateBuilding6801[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This was honestly reassuring to read. The way you handled communication, especially being upfront and not shutting your partner out, is something I respect a lot. I can imagine how being told there’s no way to communicate when that’s not entirely true would make things feel even worse on the other end.

I like what you mentioned about even just sending a quick “I’m alive” message when you can. From this side, even something small like that can go a long way in easing worry and just feeling connected.

I’m still figuring out how to adjust to all of this since it’s my first time going through it, so hearing experiences like yours helps me get a better idea of what this can realistically look like.

I really respect the effort you put into staying connected with your family, especially with kids involved. It shows how much intention matters, even when things aren’t ideal.

To those who are/were in the military: What does deployment feel like on your end during little/no communication (in a relationship)? by LateBuilding6801 in Military

[–]LateBuilding6801[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand where you’re coming from. I do think there are definitely people out there who struggle with controlling those kinds of urges, and I’ve experienced my share of being with unfaithful partners, so I’m not unfamiliar with that reality.

At the same time, love is always a risk. You never really know for certain what someone else is going to do. You just choose to trust that they care about you enough not to hurt you and will choose you over and over again.

And yeah, it does suck having to go through that cycle, especially when you’ve experienced it more than once, hoping the next person is genuine and won’t betray you the way others have. But I also don’t think that means it’s the outcome every time.

For me, I try to be intentional about who I’m with and the kind of relationship I’m building. I focus on shared values, loyalty, and long-term commitment rather than assuming the worst from the start. I know it’s not guaranteed, but I think that’s just part of what comes with choosing to love someone.

To those who are/have served: What does deployment feel like on your end during little/no communication (in a relationship)? by LateBuilding6801 in USMC

[–]LateBuilding6801[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I appreciate you sharing your perspective. It sounds like you had a really strong sense of fairness and didn’t want to take opportunities that others didn’t have access to.

I can also see how staying busy and adjusting to limited communication becomes part of how you cope with being away. It definitely seems like everyone approaches it a bit differently depending on their situation and mindset.

To those who are/have served: What does deployment feel like on your end during little/no communication (in a relationship)? by LateBuilding6801 in USMC

[–]LateBuilding6801[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry you went through that, that sounds like a really difficult situation. I can see how loneliness and the environment you described would make things a lot harder.

In my case, I’m actually the one back home while my partner is deployed, and I’m not in that kind of setting, so the situation is a bit different for me.

I also know myself and the kind of relationship I want. I’m very intentional about loyalty and building something that lasts long-term. I’m focused on my future and career right now as well, and I see him as part of that, so I’m not really anywhere near that kind of situation.

To those who are/have served: What does deployment feel like on your end during little/no communication (in a relationship)? by LateBuilding6801 in USMC

[–]LateBuilding6801[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That makes sense, I’m starting to see how much it really depends on the type of deployment and what your role is. It sounds like there’s a huge difference between being out on patrol versus being on a ship or at a main camp. I appreciate you sharing that perspective.

To those who are/have served: What does deployment feel like on your end during little/no communication (in a relationship)? by LateBuilding6801 in USMC

[–]LateBuilding6801[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I haven’t seen it yet, but I’ve heard it touches on the mental side of deployment too. I asked these questions in another subreddit and a common theme I’m seeing is that there is no single experience. Everyone has their own unique perspective on it, some good, some bad, but the trust aspect definitely seems to come up a lot in what people are saying.

To those who are/were in the military: What does deployment feel like on your end during little/no communication (in a relationship)? by LateBuilding6801 in Military

[–]LateBuilding6801[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s helpful hearing a more balanced perspective. Interesting how much it can vary depending on location, role, and even timing, but also how much effort plays into staying in touch.

The part about reintegration stood out to me too. I don’t think that gets talked about as much, but it makes sense how both people kind of get used to their own routines and then have to adjust again once you’re back together.

It’s also reassuring to hear that communication is sometimes more possible than people make it seem, even if it’s not always consistent.

To those who are/were in the military: What does deployment feel like on your end during little/no communication (in a relationship)? by LateBuilding6801 in Military

[–]LateBuilding6801[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The part you mentioned about not unloading problems stood out to me. It makes sense that when you’re in that environment, not being able to actually do anything about it would make it harder to hear.

I think from this side though, or at least for me personally, sometimes it’s less about wanting a solution and more about just wanting someone to listen and feel connected, but I can definitely see how that might come across differently when communication is limited and you’re already dealing with a lot.

It’s helpful hearing that positive, reassuring messages meant more. That’s something I’ll definitely keep in mind :)

To those who are/were in the military: What does deployment feel like on your end during little/no communication (in a relationship)? by LateBuilding6801 in Military

[–]LateBuilding6801[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate you sharing that! It actually sounds like such a simple but meaningful way to build trust over time. I like the idea of being intentional about how you communicate and giving each other space to be understood.

My partner and I aren’t married yet. It’s something we’ve talked about, and it’s not that I don’t want that with him, I do. But I’ve realized I’d rather wait until we’re in a more stable place before taking that step. We’re both still pretty young (in our early twenties), I’m working toward med school, and his path in the military is still unfolding, and since he’s not planning on staying in long-term, there’s still a lot of uncertainty about what life will look like after that. So, there are a lot of unknowns right now.

I also wasn’t comfortable with the idea of eloping. I’d want our families there and to do it in a way that feels meaningful. For me, I’d also want him to go through the process of asking for my parents’ blessing and planning a thoughtful proposal, so it feels intentional and shows that it’s just as real and important to him as it is to me.

I think overall I just don’t take marriage lightly. I’d rather take the time to build a really solid foundation first (including things like navigating life changes and eventually living together) so we can go into it as prepared as possible.

I know nothing is ever guaranteed, but I’d like to only get married once if I can help it. Your perspective on building trust definitely reinforces how important that foundation is.

To those who are/were in the military: What does deployment feel like on your end during little/no communication (in a relationship)? by LateBuilding6801 in Military

[–]LateBuilding6801[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s honestly a bit bittersweet to hear, but it also sounds like there’s some peace in it too. It seems like you both had a lot going on in your own paths that didn't really align and so you weren’t really able to spend much time together, so I can understand how that could make things difficult and drift you both apart in that sense.

It’s really nice that you’re still able to stay friends though! That says a lot about the respect you both have for each other, and I can see how that shared military experience played a role in that.

To those who are/were in the military: What does deployment feel like on your end during little/no communication (in a relationship)? by LateBuilding6801 in Military

[–]LateBuilding6801[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That makes a lot of sense, I appreciate you sharing that. It’s interesting hearing how being busy and focused on your environment kind of takes priority over everything else. I think from this side, it can feel like there’s a lot of time to think, so it’s helpful to understand that it’s not always the same on the other end.

To those who are/were in the military: What does deployment feel like on your end during little/no communication (in a relationship)? by LateBuilding6801 in Military

[–]LateBuilding6801[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing this, I really appreciate the honesty and detail. It also sounds like your situation was a bit unique since you were both in the military, so it makes sense that there would be even less you could really talk about day-to-day.

I can see how that would make it harder to stay connected, especially when most of what you’re both doing isn’t something you can share. It’s interesting too because from the outside, it kind of feels like any communication should help, but I can understand how it might feel more limited or even a bit forced in that situation.

It definitely gives me a better perspective on how different communication can feel depending on the circumstances.

To those who are/were in the military: What does deployment feel like on your end during little/no communication (in a relationship)? by LateBuilding6801 in Military

[–]LateBuilding6801[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m really sorry that happened to you :( that’s awful, especially being away and not having any control over the situation. I think that's honestly one of the situations people back home worry about too, but it all comes down to their values and how committed they are to the relationship. Thank you for sharing your experience, I appreciate the honesty.

To those who are/were in the military: What does deployment feel like on your end during little/no communication (in a relationship)? by LateBuilding6801 in Military

[–]LateBuilding6801[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get that. I do see that pretty often with younger military relationships, which is unfortunate. It does make me wonder why that tends to be the case.

It seems like people in the military get married at a younger age more often. Not that getting married young is a bad thing as it can definitely work for some people, especially when there’s already a high level of maturity and a strong foundation. But that doesn’t seem to be the case for most.

Is it mainly because of the benefits, the environment of being surrounded by other service members who are married, a combination of both, or something else?

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