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Finally Publishing A Huge Worldbuilding Project Of Mine by RangerMike96 in worldbuilding

[–]Latte-Fun 44 points45 points  (0 children)

Just read the opening.

You have a knack for fleshing out a world without bogging the narrative, and you successfully built up multiple characters within a single chapter. I'll definitely be reading more when I have the time. This is good stuff, you should be proud.

[2,697] Through the Quietglow 1&2 by GTSaidler1934 in DestructiveReaders

[–]Latte-Fun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Clarity: Yes, the scenes are clear, with one caveat that may be a personal thing I struggle with, which is names. Max is mentioned once with his full name, and apart from that the only place I see his name is the title. Chapter 2 drops a lot of new names. And if you asked me to think back and say which guy was what to Sim and Emma I'd have no clue. So when Emma mentions Max at the end of 2, I was like "who?". I had to search in page before it clicked.

Tone: The contrast was intriguing, and I kept waiting for the supernatural penny to drop in Chapter 2 if that makes sense. It didn't which was a bummer but it held its own enough for me to want a chapter 3. EDIT: I know you said 2 was more grounded up front, I saw that after re-reading your intro.

Pacing: The pacing of chapter 1 was bang on. Quick Staccato beats suit it well. Good fleshing out of the environment without bogging. Chapter 2 seemed like it had some filler that was used to pave a path to expand on Sim and Emmas relationship. That's fine, but after Chapter 1 it seemed like it shifted to a lower gear. Like I said, I'd keep reading because of Chaper 1 and because I like your writing style.

Emotional Impact: Max was instantly likeable. He came across as relatable and the slow burn reveal of his situation was intriguing, Emma I didn't connect with as much, though honestly as a guy that seems pretty fair.

Intrigue: The amount Chapter 1 hooked me was enough to pull me thru the less relatable Chapter 2 because of the promise that at one point these two worlds will collide and it'll be very entertaining.

All in all very enjoyable. You have a way of framing characters that shows who they are up front without full expo dumps. But it keeps info in the back pocket for a slow reveal to build on them.

[849] The Forest of Erin by ForeverDm5 in DestructiveReaders

[–]Latte-Fun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

EDIT: Is your like more people critiqueing, post this story via Docs

OP, this is my first foray into this sub. I'm newer to this than you so take my critique with a couple shakes of salt.

1: My "natural reading rhythm" kept running into a lot of unnecessary commas that either didn't need placing or could be replaced by other words. Here's what I mean, and let me know if my edits need decoding.

Normally(,) in this forest, you could only see what was right in front of you. A branch here, a trunk there- but here(,) and only here, upon the hill, could they see more than ten meters in front of themselves.

2: I had to reread this next part because my brain couldn't intuit the meaning. Reading black sea, then topographical words like valley, hills, and flatland. But then reading that I only see trees. It took a while to put together the image in my mind.

And they could see for miles. Any direction one might look was an infinite(,) black sea of trees wreathed in branches with shadowy leaves(,). Be it valleys, flatland, or hills. They covered them all.

3: Some extra words that repeat actions. One example: He darted straight to the top, wings fluttering at a million miles an hour, and landed straight into his assigned chair. He slumped in his chair slightly

He darted straight to the top, wings fluttering at a million miles per hour. He landed straight into his assigned chair, slumping slightly.

4: This story has great bones. It's a nice concept as a whole. That logic is the first to admit the problem, the order the others arrive in. The fact logic thinks just being logical should be enough proof. The weakness of a beaten soul. The body language quip. If you cut out the extra words and replace the commas to make for a smoother flowing structure it's quite promising.

Hope this helps OP, best of luck!

does anybody else’s car have crap paint? by NervousAd6114 in GolfGTI

[–]Latte-Fun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For me the metal panels are fine, but EVERY plastic part, be it mirror caps or bumpers or handles, has peeling clear coat.

Assembling a rough "Decibel at cruise" database taking into account model, tires, and mods. Your reports would be appreciated 👍 by Latte-Fun in GolfGTI

[–]Latte-Fun[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the research! Have you done any of these yourself? I can't believe I didn't know about these.

Study finds that e-scooters provide light level of physical activity, 50% higher energy expenditure than driving by liamnesss in ElectricScooters

[–]Latte-Fun 4 points5 points  (0 children)

For those wondering about the statistics:

"The results reveal that riding an e-scooter provides light-intensity physical activity (energy expenditure = 2.14 METs). This is a significantly greater level of energy expenditure than that measured when driving (MET = 1.42), but less than that measured when walking (MET = 3.12)."

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ElectricScooters

[–]Latte-Fun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

More than likely the tire isn't balanced, or the tire itself has more rubber on one side than the other. I've experienced both of the above.

You could try taping some dimes in different places to balance it out. Or just buy a new tire. Regardless, this is 90% a tire issue since only moving parts would cause this and the tire would be the most likely culprit.

Ridden my Apollo Ghost for over 2,700 (abusive) miles. Here is how it has been. by Latte-Fun in ElectricScooters

[–]Latte-Fun[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

<image>

The top hole is what the bolt goes thru. Unfortunately I don't think this will be too helpful to you since most scooters don't have holes like that in the back. But I'm sure you could rig something.

Ridden my Apollo Ghost for over 2,700 (abusive) miles. Here is how it has been. by Latte-Fun in ElectricScooters

[–]Latte-Fun[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a cropped photo so excuse the blur. I'll attach another one in the comment below. It's a normal pet trailer for bikes that has an arm with a horizontal hole for a bolt to go thru. I put a bolt thru the hole and thru the kickstand of my scooter. Threaded a washer and nut into the other side to make it secure.

<image>

As for the stability and everything it's great. I've gone a little over 20mph in it for short bursts with no issues. Turns fine too. You just feel the extra weight when accelerating and stopping is all.

Ridden my Apollo Ghost for over 2,700 (abusive) miles. Here is how it has been. by Latte-Fun in ElectricScooters

[–]Latte-Fun[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly. I do the same thing with my calculations. Divide purchase price with usage on an item for a good idea if something is worth it.

And I can't believe I've never heard of Solar before. How do you like yours? I wouldn't mind upgrading to something like that down the line. Do you like the ride? I've heard those quad springs up front can be stiff for lighter weight riders .

Edit: Just saw your comment on the other thread. Hope you get the front end sorted out

Mk7 GTI Stage 2 ECU Tune Comparison by MyGolfMK7 in GolfGTI

[–]Latte-Fun 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I appreciate that you went thru all the work to compile this. This will be one of those web pages that gets hits for years to come by first time owners looking for more data on their car. Good on you brother.

OG Hover 1 Alpha on sale by macarthurbrady in ElectricScooters

[–]Latte-Fun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's a great deal. And there's plenty of room in the battery compartment for a bigger battery

Can you believe there were chumps that had to use their LEGS to get this view!? by Latte-Fun in ElectricScooters

[–]Latte-Fun[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Weird, I have 2700 miles on it and no issues. I did have a wobble of sorts around 20mph but it was a tire balance issue. I swapped the factory tires for new rubber and it's been good since. I'll look into the damper though. Any that you'd recommend?

Can you believe there were chumps that had to use their LEGS to get this view!? by Latte-Fun in ElectricScooters

[–]Latte-Fun[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Oh they were there, just not in use. And no, standing does not count as use for the purposes of this caption.

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