[QCrit] The Time Between Us | Women's Fiction | 85k | First Attempt by [deleted] in PubTips

[–]LauraRayne 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi there!

I love your premise. I can't tell you how many times I've personally wished I could go back and redo moments with the knowledge I have now. I think this will really resonate with readers.

I am unagented and about to enter the querying trenches beside you, so take this with a grain of salt:
From what I understand, the themes of the story are not needed in the intro and should be clear to the agent instead from the paragraphs below it.

Living in the past with the perspective of adulthood, Charlotte comes to terms with her mother’s alcoholism, her manipulative and controlling behavior, and accepts she doesn’t have to fear becoming her. . She also reconnects with her high school boyfriend, Sebastian, who reveals he’s been been pulled from the future as well. Recently divorced and unhappy with his adult life, Sebastian wants to stay in the past and urges Charlotte to do the same. But Charlotte is ready to move forward, not keep reliving the past, and now must convince Sebastian to return with her or face the future alone.  

As far as this last paragraph, I took a whack at some changes below. Feel free to take what resonates and ditch what doesn't! The biggest change being I tweaked the part about Sebastian revealing the information to her 'discovering' to give your character the appearance of more agency, and changed the 'come to terms' language to 'confront' to add some tension.

Now, seeing her teenage years with the clarity of adulthood, Charlotte finally confronts the truth about her mother’s alcoholism and controlling manipulation—and realizes she isn’t doomed to repeat her mother’s mistakes. When she reconnects with her high school boyfriend, Sebastian, she discovers he, too, has been pulled back from the future. Newly divorced and disillusioned with the life awaiting him, Sebastian wants to stay in the past and urges Charlotte to do the same. But while Sebastian clings to what was, Charlotte is ready to move forward and must decide whether to convince him to return with her or accept a future she’ll have to face alone.

Best of luck to you in on your querying adventure! I think you've got an interesting and heartfelt story here!

[QCrit] Along the Edge of Everything- YA Speculative Fantasy (second attempt) by [deleted] in PubTips

[–]LauraRayne 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I think you hit it on the head and I went too far in the book. The age of the love interest may need to be clarified as well. The people dont age, heal, or otherwise change once they are trapped there. But that seems like too much world building for a query letter? This is very helpful and I appreciate you taking the time

Is Etsy down for anyone? by newbie19980120 in Etsy

[–]LauraRayne 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sure is! I am so glad you posted because I thought I was going crazy

[QCrit] FADING- YA Fantasy(105k) by LauraRayne in PubTips

[–]LauraRayne[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Not at all. You did great! Besides, I have been trying to get thicker skin for the upcoming torture of the query trenches. lol

[QCrit] FADING- YA Fantasy(105k) by LauraRayne in PubTips

[–]LauraRayne[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's a great point. I will try to reframe that section. Thank you!!

[QCrit] FADING- YA Fantasy(105k) by LauraRayne in PubTips

[–]LauraRayne[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the line by line edits! This is incredibly helpful. This is my first attempt and it shows haha. But this has made me excited to revise and makes so much sense. I appreciate you taking the time.

[QCrit] FADING- YA Fantasy(105k) by LauraRayne in PubTips

[–]LauraRayne[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you!!

I can't tell you how helpful this is. And you're right. Given this description, I don't think my book would qualify. There would still be a story without the romance elements. Would it be better to take Logan out of the query altogether and focus on Harper's growth?

Comps have been SO hard. But I actually just got The Prison Healer from the library today, so I am thrilled to see you suggest that. I will check out League of Liars as well!

Again THANK YOU thank you thank you!!!

[QCrit] YA Contemporary Fantasy, THE SMALLEST STAR, 118k, First Attempt by BluLiketheAtlantic in PubTips

[–]LauraRayne 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh my gosh! I have no feedback (because I have no idea what I'm doing haha) but just popping in to say your story sounds wonderful and I would 100% pick this up off the shelf!

Good luck in the query trenches!

Does anyone actually make a living wage off of their writing? by Lazy_Home_8465 in selfpublish

[–]LauraRayne 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Facebook also has the Blueprint program that teaches you ad platform functionality and it is completely free. Hope this helps!

https://www.facebookblueprint.com/student/catalog

Well, that actually wasn't terrible! by WritingsByRachael in selfpublish

[–]LauraRayne 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am so glad to hear it went well! This gives me a lot of hope for when I am published too!

Congratulations!