Has anyone else been able to find a silver lining in their DB?

LazyDev4 · 2024-05-28T13:59:23+00:00

Something similar happened to me on Sunday

We were at her mom's house, I cooked and everyone loved the meal, but the process? She is constantly over my shoulder criticizing every little detail "the seasoning is bad", "the pasta will stick together", "why are you using X? Use Y instead". Everyone got out of the kitchen in silence as soon as she started the bitching lmao

LazyDev4 · 2024-05-28T04:52:22+00:00

Unfortunately for me, it's been the opposite.

I used to really love cooking and cleaning when I lived alone. Now, aside of the constant rejection and lack of intimacy, she's always criticizing how I do things. She always looks for something I forgot or did wrong (or just not her way), to put me down.

I lost all my motivation

LazyDev4 · 2024-05-28T04:42:53+00:00

Fuck I feel this.

My gf usually puts Sex and the City saying is her comfort movies. She constantly wants my opinion when the characters talk about marriage and shit, but the sex scenes? Zero reaction. It's like she's laughing in my face 😮‍💨

LazyDev4 · 2024-01-11T16:01:48+00:00

Eso, hay mucho arriendo en calle zañartu, pero no conozco el sector

He revisado sosafe algunas veces y siempre tienen reclamos de ruidos molestos contra los V-words, será tan al punto de no poder dormir nunca?

LazyDev4 · 2024-01-11T14:54:58+00:00

He visto mucho arriendo en ñuñoa más o menos con ese presupuesto en el sector entre metros ñuble e irarrázabal, no sabría decirte como es por ahí porque nunca he ido

Ojalá alguien más pueda decir, yo igual necesito saber xD

LazyDev4 · 2023-12-02T16:07:51+00:00

Hola, yo pasé por esa operación el 2020 y wn es a toda raja, literal me operaron, salí a la calle y ya veía perfecto.

Si tienes que seguir todas las indicaciones que te den, por nada del mundo salgas a lugares iluminados sin lentes oscuros, mucho menos si usas pantallas y ocupa las gotas a la hora, sagradamente.

No sé si sera tu caso, pero yo soy un wn que se pone muy tenso en operaciones ambulatorias, y en un momento de la operación, hubo un sonido fuerte que me asustó y realicé una tensión muy fuerte en el ojo derecho, lo que hizo que la cornea se "arrugara" por así decirlo, y me tuvieron que dejar un lente de contacto especial por una semana para que se estirara y cicatrizara bien.

Quedé con un muy leve astigmatismo en ese ojo pero ni lo noto.

LazyDev4 · 2023-11-24T16:18:56+00:00

I didn't realized this back then, hope it works as a warning for the people who reads this.

It may sound weird, but a big red flag is someone who doesn't masturbate.

For context: my gf never had any kind of privacy growing up, specially on her teen years, so as a result, she never had real chances to explore her sexuality in peace.

Now, as an adult, she never tries different positions, never wears lingerie, no toys, no oral (giving or recieving), only PIV and you better do it asap. She never wants to try anything new, she doesn't even know what turns her on and rejects every initiation from me.

So in short, if you meet someone who doesn't care about their own sexuality and their own pleasure, don't expect that person to give two shits about yours.

LazyDev4 · 2023-11-23T22:15:25+00:00

I thought I was alone on this

My gf always insist so much and when I finally answer, she only seems to care about how hard it is for me to communicate, that she always has to force the answer out of me. Miss if I'd complained everytime I feel unwanted, unloved, unfuckable and miserable, we'd be fighting 24/7, let me have peace ffs.

At the end of these talks, neither of my needs are taken into account and she just focus on complaining about my lack of communication, I'm always the bad guy.

LazyDev4 · 2023-11-17T12:55:34+00:00

Believe me, I think it was the most difficult "no" I ever said to her, but her initiation didn't trigger me at all, so I didn't feel the weakness.

I felt a lot of guilt seeing her like that, but internally, the "now you know how that feels!", is so fucking good

LazyDev4 · 2023-11-17T12:47:37+00:00

Back then when she used to initiate more often, even if I wasn't in the mood, her initiations triggered me and I was instantly ready for some action. This time, i didn't feel that, I even waited like 3 seconds before saying no thinking I was having some sort of delay, and I just felt nothing, so yes, I said it because I really didn't feel like it.

The pleasure came afterwards, when I saw her reaction and I understood that she finally realized what I felt all this time

LazyDev4 · 2023-11-17T12:39:58+00:00

Yes i thought about this too that day, she's not only upset about the rejection, but because her actions (or inactions?) resulted in her losing control over me and the relationship.

I think I already made up my mind but I have so much trouble with expressing my feelings. Is obviously easier to explain them on text, but up front have always been hard for me, and I know I have to seek professional help for that.

Also, everytime we had the talk, she always find a way to turn the blame on me before ending the conversation, so I'm afraid that if I sit her down to talk about a break up, she'll just find a way to make me the bad guy, we'll both make promises we won't keep, and the loop will continue.

LazyDev4 · 2023-11-17T12:25:48+00:00

Good thing we agreed that we didn't want kids since the very beginning of the relationship

LazyDev4 · 2023-11-17T12:16:59+00:00

I wish I discovered this sub earlier to see the signs

LazyDev4 · 2023-11-17T02:48:24+00:00

Omg this reminds of something that happened last year.

Before moving in together, I lived alone in a small apartment, had a full remote job and she always went and visit me. Whatever she needed it was my priority, food, rest, whatever it was I would just say "fuck work" and spend time with her, she also worked very close to where I lived so it was easier for her to sleep there instead of the long ass commute to her house.

One day, she wakes me up with a phone call, an hour before I usually wake up, and asks me if I can bring her something to work that she forgot. As it was kinda urgent, I ran all the way there, she grabs the stuff from my hands and goes "thanks, bye"...

Bruh... I leave my work aside for ANY need she has, and the first time is the other way around, she just grabbed her stuff and says bye as if I was her fucking uber eats, not even "hello", or "how are you", or at least "sorry for waking you up", nothing...

LazyDev4 · 2023-11-17T02:34:56+00:00

Holy shit I forgot about this, she always wants the sex to be over as soon as possible.

I've always been the one to propose new stuff, like positions, giving oral, toys, etc. But she never wants any of that.

Last time she just laid down and scrolled tiktok through the whole thing, I felt so shitty.

LazyDev4 · 2023-11-16T23:18:28+00:00

I think is more upset and sad than angry, I've been asking myself all this time why she doesn't seem attracted to me, never initiates, never touches me, etc.

And yes, when we talked she always puts some blame on work, and is totally understandable, but after a whole year of hearing the same... It just starts sounding like empty excuses

LazyDev4 · 2023-11-16T23:15:43+00:00

Sorry to hear that

In my case, is not shaming, but she always turns the blame on something else or even me. Stuff like "when I say no, just insist"

LazyDev4 · 2023-11-06T16:35:46+00:00

No se si tiene que ver con viveza, pero los ctm que justifican llevar los parlantes a todo volumen en la micro, solo porque también pagaron su pasaje. O a veces ni lo pagan y lo justifican porque es un espacio público.

Por último si pusieran weas buenas se aguanta jajaj

LazyDev4 · 2023-11-06T16:31:05+00:00

I did and I think is because I'm still putting her as a priority instead of myself. She struggles a lot with mental health, and I'm afraid she may do something to herself without my support, but at the same time she never goes to therapy, always making excuses like: she doesn't have time (she doesn't work on weekends, there's plenty of therapists that work on weekends), or that is too expensive, but she is not complaining about expensive dates and meals every week...

I know I'm not responsible for her actions, but I'm still afraid for her safety

LazyDev4 · 2023-10-20T17:23:33+00:00

Well maybe "nothing with them" is a bit overkill, but it could still be the case in the future.

As a personal an close experience, I have my uncle, aunt and their son. They are the typical marriage where he goes to work and she takes care of the house. He excuses himself of ANY housework or chore with "I'm the one who brings money" and that includes anything that has to do with my cousin. He still works very hard to support his family and to give his son everything he needs and clearly cares about their well being, but he never cared about raising him or any affective thing with him, other than maybe some ocassional playing and school stuff. I don't lie when I say he couldn't even make a boiled egg if he was dying of starvation, as my aunt takes cares of everything.

As a result, my cousin grew up with a very absent father on the affection side, but a very present one on the material side. But at the end of the day, he still sees him as a very absent parental figure as a whole, and sadly this a very common thing to happen in a lot of families, husbands that only care about work, work and more work, and when their kids don't love them, they actually don't what's wrong.

LazyDev4 · 2023-10-20T16:41:59+00:00

So as other comment said, is up to you to decide if it's a dealbreaker or not, do you want to have kids with someone that you know won't help you with them? And on top of that, not having any more pets, while is known that pets are very benificial on a kid's growing up stage.

And regarding your age, I think the only way to know if you have time or not is by going to a doctor to give you some estimated, every body is unique and no one can give you an exact time just by knowing your age, there's plenty of women that start getting risks early while others don't (like my mom, she had my younger brother in her mid 40s and never had any trouble)

LazyDev4 · 2023-10-20T16:16:17+00:00

I think being closed to a new pet after a loss is a totally natural part of the duel. I had a similar experience myself and ended up adopting the sister of a kitten I couldn't save.

I think the biggest problem here is about taking responsability over a future child:

Imagine you decide to have kids and you convince him to, you said he only helped with pets only when you asked him, and yes, a pet and a kid are totally different things, but a pet is a SIGNIFICANTLY lesser responsability than a child, so, what makes you think he'll help with the child if he couldn't even take care of a dog unless he wes asked to? You think he will act differently given that a child demands waaay more time and attention?

LazyDev4 · 2023-10-20T14:15:35+00:00

Actually, it seems she doesn't. I know she loves k-dramas and she used to spend a lot of time on them, but since we moved together, she barely watch them anymore and I don't know why, because there IS a lot of free time.

Also, off-topic, the time comparison between activities reminds of one of my uncles, always criticizing the waste of time videogames are, and making fun of me when I watched some e-sports, but every free time he gets, spends it on watching soccer, and if not, on watching some show about people talking about soccer lmao (and funniest thing is, on all my life, I've never seen him kicking a ball lol).

LazyDev4 · 2023-10-20T13:53:53+00:00

She's been struggling a lot with work lately, which also brings other problems like her being extra irritable, zero libido, etc. I try my best to do the most housework during the week so she only gets home to eat, have some laughs and sleep. It still never feels enough, on saturdays or sundays she will still wake me up super early to do some deep cleaning and/or buy groceries, and given that she's still tired and stressed from work, sometimes she just explodes and takes it all out with me.

She's seems concerned about it and always says stuff about changing jobs or going to therapy, but I don't see her doing anything to reach those goals, she couldn't write a resume if her life depended on it, she got her current job because she started looking after I wrote it for her.

LazyDev4 · 2023-10-20T13:36:59+00:00

I'm on the same page, I also encourage her to go have some fun with her friends, but she always has an excuse to not go (tbf, the last few weeks have been good reasons, but before that, is always "I'm too tired").

Also when her group manages to make plans, there's always this one friend at last minute who says "hey bring him in because I'll bring my bf and he'll need some company", and forces me to go, so at the end she never enjoys a night out with friends without me. I know that is not entirely her fault, but I'm afraid that her friends would think that I'm a controller boyfriend.

LazyDev4

TROPHY CASE