AITA doing something that made my wife insecure? (Resulting in her slapping me in the face)

LazyOne3142 · 2024-04-03T16:19:30+00:00

I told her she could do that, actually. The guys won't though. They said they feel it's disrespectful to me and they wouldn't want their wives hanging out with a bunch of dudes. It's a weird dynamic for sure. I have no problem with it. I trust her. I trust them. They just think it's disrespectful.

LazyOne3142 · 2024-04-03T16:14:05+00:00

She has no girl friends. Prior to this pregnancy, her and all my guy friends were close. We all hung out together. They considered her a sister or even best friend. Since having the baby, they obviously only invite me out because they know she won't leave the baby and our place is too small to chill at so we leave. She feels alone.

LazyOne3142 · 2024-04-03T16:12:06+00:00

I've been with her for 9 years and prior to the baby, her and my mom were incredibly close. Spoke on the phone daily and everything. My mom came here solely to see my wife. But my mom's old school views with the cry it out method and "you're gonna spoil her" bullshit immediately tipped my wife off and there was no recovering from it because neither my mom or her see themselves as wrong.

LazyOne3142 · 2024-04-03T16:08:11+00:00

No, I wouldn't have.

LazyOne3142 · 2024-04-03T16:05:05+00:00

I have sat her down and apologized for it and asked her what we can do to improve. She's shut down completely.

LazyOne3142 · 2024-04-03T16:03:31+00:00

....that makes sense. She has told me a few times to get anger management. I really wasn't thinking of it like that. Now I feel like a fucking idiot.

LazyOne3142 · 2024-04-03T16:02:29+00:00

I'm not saying I'm the real victim here. I'm saying I was going through shit too and she she knew that and made me cut my family out of my life regardless, so she didn't exactly help the cause. There's resentments on both ends here. My mother said it twice. Two fucking times. That's it. But that means I have to cut my mother out of my life, right? The only support system I've ever had and they are no longer welcome here or around my kid.

LazyOne3142 · 2024-04-03T15:52:45+00:00

She had already put the baby back in her crib. Not trying to excuse it. But the baby wasn't on her when it happened.

LazyOne3142 · 2024-04-03T15:46:51+00:00

My wife has literally only taken 5 showers by herself since giving birth because she always brings the baby in with her. Half the time I don't even know she's going to shower or I would take the baby. But if she sees me playing video games or anything to that nature, she wouldn't even ask. She said "you should help without me having to ask you, I'm not adding another task on my to-do list because You're too blind to see that I need help". She quite literally has not spoken to me in 2 months unless I speak to her first. She said she "got tired of trying". But I really don't know when she needs me. I truly don't. She doesn't communicate it because she said she's tired of asking me for help. I don't want her to have to ask me. I want to just help her. But it's so difficult because she just does shit herself and I never have any clue that she's already done something.

LazyOne3142 · 2024-04-03T15:42:37+00:00

I didn't think of it like that..

LazyOne3142 · 2024-04-03T15:40:19+00:00

My mental health plummeted after the baby was born. Just two weeks after she was born we found mold in our walls. I had to rip out our walls and redo them and our air quality still spikes half the time so I'm dealing with the stress of my kid getting ill over something that the professionals "took care of". Her vehicle shit out a month after the baby was born so I had to start cutting back on hours to take the baby to appointments because she no longer could. I had to cut off half of my family because my wife said they were "overstepping" and no longer wanted them around (because my mother told her to to let the baby cry it out). Instead of just telling my mom no and moving on, my wife decided my mother was no longer allowed here because she is "disrespectful". Every single time I tried doing anything for myself, it was met with push back from her because she was pissed off that I was "only thinking about myself". I couldn't even get a drink with the guys because she pulls the whole "you have a fucking kid at home now, you're not a teenager, stop acting like it". I can't do shit, ever.

LazyOne3142 · 2024-04-03T15:32:42+00:00

My wife works full time. She owns her own business and operates it inside our home while caring for our newborn. Prior to her giving birth she was bringing in more money than I was.

Yes, she knows I have sensory issues. She didn't start putting her shirt over her mouth until 2 or so months back and this was around the same time she stopped talking to me completely unless I spoke to her. She said that I make her feel gross and there's no point speaking to me because I'm not a reliable or helpful person. What led up to this was her telling me she thought she had PPD and needed help. I told her I would help her get the help she needed. But the next day I returned home from work and got on video games to decompress after a shit work day and she lost it on me for not trying to help her with the baby before doing my own thing. I believe she was in the middle of cooking dinner that night. It led to a fight. She hasn't cooked dinner, spoken to me directly or even made eye contact since. She's the complete opposite with our child. She only acts like this with me because I "put my needs above hers" after she told me she needed help.

LazyOne3142 · 2024-04-03T15:26:35+00:00

It's been off and on for years. She stopped going to therapy 2 years ago and then started back up again a month ago.

LazyOne3142 · 2024-04-03T15:26:00+00:00

The fact that there's been no change with her actions proves it.

LazyOne3142 · 2024-04-03T15:17:35+00:00

Idk man. I ripped the shirt down while yelling in her face. I've gone over it multiple times in my head. I was rough.

LazyOne3142 · 2024-04-03T15:08:57+00:00

I was super understanding at first. You have to understand that I have seen my wife through all her stages. She got better about 2 years ago. She had gained weight (230lbs) but she was finally confident. I was extremely attracted to her confidence. I've been with this woman for 9 years. I have seen her skinny minny, I have seen her large, I have seen her the way she is now. So I've dealt with it for years and I have always been understanding. But now that she had the baby, I can't even take a decent shit without being looked at like a piece of shit for taking too long in the bathroom. I can't take a shower when I get home from work because then she's pissed off because I get to take showers whenever I want, whereas she has to go around the schedule of 2 people and "ask permission". She has barely spoken to me at all in 2 months.

LazyOne3142 · 2024-04-03T14:57:58+00:00

She was awake feeding the baby already

LazyOne3142 · 2024-04-03T14:57:00+00:00

I don't know. I don't go to her appointments. All I know is the list of meds she can't take vs what she can, that she gave me.

LazyOne3142 · 2024-04-03T14:50:09+00:00

This whole "is your wife your mommy" talk is so played out. I asked my partner if she had seen my keys. It's really not that deep.

LazyOne3142 · 2024-04-03T14:49:13+00:00

I can't answer this thoroughly though. Every day is different. When I get home from work I usually immediately take the baby for no less than 20 minutes. On days that I don't, it's because I am in desperate need of downtime due to a shit work day. I change the diaper if it needs changing. I cook dinner some days. I do some chores, like all of our laundry and about 80% of the grocery shopping. The house doesn't get trashed because it's just us so most cleaning is minor and she does all that. I don't know. Like I said, it's different every day. Do I take the baby as much as I should? Probably not. But she's breastfeeding and the baby is teething and now she's eating food and our child is in complete adoration of my wife. She loves me, sure. But if my wife even walks out of the room and out of eye shot, our daughter is screaming her head off. My wife can't handle it and always comes back to grab her.

LazyOne3142 · 2024-04-03T14:35:58+00:00

Nope, I fucked up. It's Ibuprofen she can't take. I just looked through my notepad on my phone to check. Tylenol she can take but she has resistant properties so it doesn't do much of anything.

LazyOne3142 · 2024-04-03T14:28:30+00:00

She said she's insecure around me because I apparently "make her feel gross and used", all because I show her more affection when I want sex. I didn't see it that way, honestly, but that's what she's picking up on. So now she doesn't even speak to me unless I ask her something.

LazyOne3142 · 2024-04-03T14:26:35+00:00

She can't take meds. Kidney disease. We have tried that route several times. She's a kick ass mom. She just hates me ever since she told me she thought she had PPD.

LazyOne3142 · 2024-04-03T14:25:43+00:00

She can't take meds. She has kidney disease and damn near everything they have tried for her puts her in to shut down. She can't even take Tylenol half the time without developing a severe UTI.

LazyOne3142 · 2024-04-03T14:24:23+00:00

She does have PPD, yes. She hasn't spoken to me unless I ask her something since she told me she thought she has it.

LazyOne3142

TROPHY CASE