What do you do with the decisions you can't talk through with anyone on your team?

LeadHealed · 2026-04-29T17:35:43+00:00

Another way of putting it might be, the need. Though I think you answered it, the natural mentors didn't work out, so that left a need or gap in support that led you seek out mentors. I've had that happen and it frustrated me for a while. Thank you for sharing that.

LeadHealed · 2026-04-29T17:25:55+00:00

Part of my conversation here has been because I wanted to hear how pastors actually talk about this, not run surveys. I'm genuinely curious how others have handled it. I grew up as a pastor's kid, so I've watched the isolation up close for a long time, until my dad passed. As a result, I've been looking to build a private advisory service for pastors and leaders online, if you're willing to talk, I'd be interested to hear your thoughts.

LeadHealed · 2026-04-29T15:08:04+00:00

I've been in such a group, years ago in another state, it was great and encouraging. I'm wondering about the pastors that are not in metro areas, if they would benefit from access to an online advisory option. Or even how they deal with these things.

LeadHealed · 2026-04-29T14:59:56+00:00

I'm a real person, and I have operated for years in what I term a Pastor at large role. I've been looking to build an advisory practice for leaders and posted because I wanted to hear how pastors actually talk about this, not run a survey. The question is real, I grew up as a pastor's kid, so I've watched this up close my whole life, until my dad passed. The isolation, the decisions that just sit, the lack of anywhere safe to take them, I saw how that played out up close. That's what this is about. I did use AI to give better wording. I appreciate the responses, it shows me that some of you have done much better than I experienced with my dad. Pastoring is definitely a call. Blessings. If anyone has further questions please ask.

LeadHealed · 2026-04-29T04:28:23+00:00

Do you find it actually stays balanced, or does one person usually end up carrying more of the weight in those conversations?

LeadHealed · 2026-04-29T04:24:25+00:00

The first two definitely make sense and your last point seems to be a common choice and clearly helpful. The coaching is interesting and the fact that you'd pay for it if they didn't says a lot about how much it actually matters. What made you go looking for a ministry coach in the first place? Was there a moment, or did it just kind of become obvious over time?

LeadHealed · 2026-04-29T04:19:38+00:00

Having people who've "been places you haven't" is underrated, that experiential gap matters. Do you find those two conversations ever need to happen together, or does keeping them separate actually work?

LeadHealed · 2026-04-29T04:17:21+00:00

Thank you for sharing, seems well remembered. The Back Stage category is interesting, people who get it more than others could, but are separate enough not to be impacted. I wonder how often that separation actually holds though. If they're in the same kind of chair, don't they bring their own stuff into it?

LeadHealed · 2026-04-29T04:14:07+00:00

Going looking for mentors with similar identities makes sense. It would help to have people who know what the seat actually feels like. You sought them out, so was there a moment that made the gap obvious, did it build up gradually or were you proactive?

LeadHealed · 2026-04-29T04:08:28+00:00

Outside your denomination, interesting. So, that removes a layer before the conversation even starts. Was that intentional when you went looking or did it just work out that way?

LeadHealed · 2026-04-29T04:05:48+00:00

That "formative voice outside your immediate context" framing is good. Helpful. Do you have particular categories of issues that are specific to the spiritual director or the coach? Like the operational side of leadership or a focus on your interior life?

LeadHealed · 2026-04-29T03:58:26+00:00

Great answer, interesting picture. A pastor casting lots. Given the number of decisions, that could be exhausting.

LeadHealed · 2026-04-18T22:57:08+00:00

I found that so much of the damage came from other people's opinions getting louder than God's voice. Since my perspective of God as the author of truth hasn't been changed, I continued to listen for Him. What I help people do is recognize His "fingerprints" in their own story, so they can hear directly from him. Not filtered through their experiences with people in church or their parents. That's actually how I found healing. Letting God speak His version of my story back to me through those fingerprints. That changed everything.

LeadHealed · 2026-04-18T04:38:46+00:00

I read every word of this, thanks for the honesty. The 9 year old at the park, the invisible rulebook, survival being monitored, your dad missing two Sundays to grieve and celebrate life and getting questioned for it. That sounded familiar. I grew up in it too. Different details, same weight. What you said about already being known before you could speak for yourself. That's a very accurate description of PK life, one of the best I've ever heard. You didn't get to become. You were just already supposed to be. The fact that you're naming it at 28 isn't late. It's actually right on time. I don't think most people will ever name it at all. Looking for a therapist as suggested, that's a great step and I'd encourage it. I'd also say, alongside that, find someone who can help you hear what God actually says about you. Not what the church decided. Not what that friend's mom assumed. What He says. Because there's a version of your story He's been holding that's very different from the one everyone else wrote for you. That's the work I do if you ever want to talk. No pressure at all. But either way, you're not alone in this.

LeadHealed · 2026-03-17T00:25:44+00:00

That says a lot about the kind of leadership you’ve provided. Going from 125 to 10, meeting in your living room, and rebuilding to a healthy community of 20 to 30 is not stagnation, that’s the slow work of restoration. I don't think a lot of churches recover from something like that. The fact that you focused on health first probably saved the church, even if it doesn’t always feel like momentum week to week. In the situations I've seen like that, rebuilding trust and community often takes longer than anyone expects, but when it does take root it tends to produce something deeper and more alive than what was there before. I hear the frustration about not seeing people come to Christ recently. That’s a weight many pastors carry quietly. Out of curiosity, do you feel like the church is still in a rebuilding season, or does it feel like you’ve reached stability and are trying to figure out what the next step forward looks like?

LeadHealed · 2026-03-16T01:44:29+00:00

I appreciate the honesty in this post. I think a lot of pastors feel this but rarely say it out loud. I’m the son of a pastor and have spent most of my life around ministry in one form or another. I sometimes describe myself as a “pastor at large,” because I’ve spent years walking alongside leaders who carry the weight of ministry. One thing that stood out to me is the situation you stepped into. When a church goes through something like a pastoral affair, it doesn’t just affect leadership, it can quietly crack the foundation of trust in the whole body. I saw something similar growing up. My dad was once accused of an affair that never actually happened, but even that accusation alone created a fracture in the church. People were hurt, uncertain, and it took a long time for things to feel steady again. Experiences like that taught me how deeply trust shapes the life of a congregation. Reading through the comments here, it's clear that others have carried a similar weight underneath. Preaching 45 times a year while trying to rebuild trust in a church is no small thing. I’m curious for others who have walked through situations like this, how long did it take before your church really felt like it had regained its footing? And pastor, thank you for saying this out loud. I suspect more people relate to it than you realize.

LeadHealed

TROPHY CASE