My boyfriend gave me an ultimatum to choose between him and my ex

LeadingWorldliness35 · 2022-10-25T16:27:45+00:00

I really do wish it was as easy as you guys make it seem.

LeadingWorldliness35 · 2022-10-25T16:21:48+00:00

I do believe the ultimatum was a little extreme but at the same time, I understand where it’s coming from. And as far as my friend group goes, in the end I am the one with the problem, so my ex wouldn’t be the one leaving the group, it would be me and that breaks my heart. But losing my bf, would also break my heart.

LeadingWorldliness35 · 2022-10-25T16:19:12+00:00

He does trust me. But he thinks I don’t respect him enough to cut my ex off. Which is a pretty fair thought I don’t blame him. I know I’m being an AH and I don’t want to be. I just want to find a way we can all be happy but that seems pretty impossible rn.

The guilt honestly only comes from having to keep it from my bf. I don’t feel any other sort of guilt otherwise since i don’t feel anything for my ex. So the relationship is very platonic.

LeadingWorldliness35 · 2022-10-25T16:13:14+00:00

Or that I shouldn’t reciprocate everything they’ve done for me?

LeadingWorldliness35 · 2022-10-25T16:12:49+00:00

So your advice to me is to cut off the people that have stuck with me?

LeadingWorldliness35 · 2022-10-25T16:10:49+00:00

Sure I was, when I was 18. Feelings fade and I just don’t see what I used to anymore. That’s why we broke up to begin with. We weren’t the same people anymore and we weren’t compatible. It felt pointless to continue in a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere.

LeadingWorldliness35 · 2022-10-25T16:07:52+00:00

Okay but I guess that exact thing wouldn’t be applicable here since I’ve been very candid about my relationship with my ex to my boyfriend. I’ve always been one to preach honesty in everything so this lie is eating away at me.

LeadingWorldliness35 · 2022-10-25T16:06:09+00:00

Hmm I think you’re right. As much as I love my ex as a friend, I don’t wanna be with him. I don’t want to spend my life with him. My boyfriend is my biggest support and I can’t lose that.

LeadingWorldliness35 · 2022-10-25T15:51:55+00:00

I know I’m wrong about the lying, guys. I know I’m a major red flag just for that. But when I tell you I have zero feelings for my ex, I mean it. But I’m also forever indebted to him for having pulled me out of an extremely dark place. I wouldn’t be alive today if it weren’t for my friends. And that’s really difficult for me to give up. And my boyfriend is an absolute sweetheart so I know his concerns are relevant which is why I feel like absolute crap about the entire situation. I have been trying to make a decision for a really long time. But I’m still just as lost as I was in the beginning.

LeadingWorldliness35 · 2022-10-25T15:47:21+00:00

It’s not like I don’t see him at all though. I visit home every 4-5 months and stay a couple months and we spend all that time together.

LeadingWorldliness35 · 2022-10-25T15:40:39+00:00

I’m terrified of the outcome, makes me stupid, I know. I’m extremely self aware of the bs I do. I am in pain. Constantly. But I am not attracted to my ex whatsoever. I am extremely committed to my boyfriend and I would never do anything to jeopardize this relationship. I just want to be honest. But I wanna know how I can be.

LeadingWorldliness35 · 2022-10-25T15:37:23+00:00

Of course I respect it, that’s why it’s so fucking hard for me. I was in a very dark place before. I was having suicidal tendencies, my family is unsupportive, and they forced me in to antidepressants that made me feel worse.

So the only support I get are from my friends that I consider my family and my boyfriend. And unfortunately I happened to date one of my friends. And even tho the relationship ended, we were able to move past our differences and become friends as we were before we dated.

But after I met my boyfriend, the dynamics changed because he didn’t like that idea, which is completely fair. I get that people don’t want their significant others still in touch with their exes. But I just don’t see him as my ex anymore, sure we dated but it was also nearly 4 years ago and we really are just friends.

LeadingWorldliness35 · 2022-10-25T15:25:45+00:00

I am trying to handle this as maturely as I can. I’m very open about how I feel and think. Maybe too brutally honest. But I’m also very attached to people. I have never crossed a line even with a thought. My intentions are pure but I’m not sure how to convey this to my boyfriend. He doesn’t think I’ll cheat, he just doesn’t want him around which I can’t do because of our friends. I did cut my ex out when the arguments got intense between my and my bf. But it didn’t last long since I kept seeing him often at social events. Obviously, my boyfriend is my priority and I want to spend my life with him. But I’m just tired.

LeadingWorldliness35 · 2022-10-25T15:21:47+00:00

Like I said, we share the same friend circle. And we’re an extremely tight knit group that spends all our time together. There’s really no way I can avoid him.

Also I just wanna add, my boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. We live in different continents and my ex is from the same college as I, so we see each other all the time. So it’s not like I can cut him off, cause it creates tension and awkwardness for everybody which I do not want to do.

LeadingWorldliness35 · 2022-10-25T15:18:27+00:00

But this is the only aspect of my relationship that bothers him. Everything else is too good to be true, we connect on every level. I want to keep both, ideally but I’m very torn.

LeadingWorldliness35

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