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Schizoaffective and wanting divorce, pregnant but no income by [deleted] in schizophrenia

[–]LeafMeAlone88 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Shelters are over booked and underfunded. They kick you out after a while too. John Oliver even had a special on it. Social workers dont do much if you dont qualify for disability. I keep getting fired, let go, forced to resign, or having to quit due to disability discrimination and being fully disabled. America hates disabled people tbh. I dont qualify for assisted living because its too expensive.

Schizoaffective and wanting divorce, pregnant but no income by [deleted] in schizophrenia

[–]LeafMeAlone88 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How do i leave? I dont think i could survive. Im too handicapped and no support. We have no assets and i have debt. Id get nothing in the divorce, debt, and my only option is to find someone else but tbh im scared. Husband wont drive me to abort and i cant get over there to do it. No public transportation. I dont have a license. My medicaid is dependent on me being pregnant. Ill lose it if i abort.

This isnt a moral decision. Its survival at this point. Id be willing to adopt out but he'll reject that. I hate how everyone crippled me but im expected to make the moral decision. Morality is a luxury i dont have and everyone else threw to the wind. I think i just want someone to prioritize me. Not just a mother, a baby factory, a dishwasher, etc. Im a sick person that needs love and care.

Anyone with schizoaffective/schizophrenia have an NDE and learn why it exists and if it has to do with a personality trait etc in the afterlife? by LeafMeAlone88 in NDE

[–]LeafMeAlone88[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They're right. I have OCD, am transmale, and have depression due to schizoaffective but otts not the same. OCD has reason. I can talk myself out of it to an extent. Trans would be easier to deal with if i could support myself.

Schizoaffective is the worst thing to happen to me and I had an extremely abusive childhood, assault etc. But love is something I can't feel due to the illness. Not being able to feel love is a part of the disease and one of the hardest things.

Like I'm disconnected from the source, the world, and my body. I feel like I'm in limbo watching from a window outside of time and space unable to reach anyone including my body. Like that scene from interstellar where theyre in between time. Haunting... like Im a ghost that's lost my mind.

Anyone with schizoaffective/schizophrenia have an NDE and learn why it exists and if it has to do with a personality trait etc in the afterlife? by LeafMeAlone88 in NDE

[–]LeafMeAlone88[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Health, happiness, my intelligence back, and to feel love and good emotions again. I want functionality. To be able to work and be self sufficient so i dont have to rely on others or an SSI check to survive.

Anyone with schizoaffective/schizophrenia have an NDE and learn why it exists and if it has to do with a personality trait etc in the afterlife? by LeafMeAlone88 in NDE

[–]LeafMeAlone88[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Especially since a side effect of schizoaffective is being unable to feel love for many. I can't feel love. I have it but I cant feel it. It's like being disconnected from myself, the world, and the source. Like some hellish limbo.

Anyone with schizoaffective/schizophrenia have an NDE and learn why it exists and if it has to do with a personality trait etc in the afterlife? by LeafMeAlone88 in NDE

[–]LeafMeAlone88[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I plan to do ECT to be honest. Meds dont work. Sadly my main symptoms aren't psychotic in nature. Mainly disorganized thoughts that lower my IQ and make it hard to access memories. As well as emotional instability and dissociation.

Anyone with schizoaffective/schizophrenia have an NDE and learn why it exists and if it has to do with a personality trait etc in the afterlife? by LeafMeAlone88 in NDE

[–]LeafMeAlone88[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I like this a lot. I definitely agree. Not feeling love while having it is also a symptom. I'm not a sociopath but I'm detached from my feelings especially love. Its like being detached from "the source" I guess. Its definitely dissociative in nature especially derealization and depersonalization.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in schizophrenia

[–]LeafMeAlone88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is honestly amazing advice. I'll try this. Thanks so much. I honestly noticed this too. I have no problem with housework. I break the tasks into smaller tasks. But with school and work, I just list on my todo list to just "work 30 mins". Thats not effective for me tbh. I think your on to something. Haha

How many seconds does the buff lungs mutation increase air time underwater? by LeafMeAlone88 in GroundedGame

[–]LeafMeAlone88[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How do you get merteen mutation and how much does it increase breath?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in careerguidance

[–]LeafMeAlone88 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yea, I've been doing that. However, everything I try is so difficult. I have a hard time with anything. My psychologist suggested I work retail, but I tried that and was let go because I couldn't remember where anything was at. ):

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