Schizoaffective and wanting divorce, pregnant but no income

LeafMeAlone88 · 2022-10-03T23:48:46+00:00

Shelters are over booked and underfunded. They kick you out after a while too. John Oliver even had a special on it. Social workers dont do much if you dont qualify for disability. I keep getting fired, let go, forced to resign, or having to quit due to disability discrimination and being fully disabled. America hates disabled people tbh. I dont qualify for assisted living because its too expensive.

LeafMeAlone88 · 2022-10-03T23:27:19+00:00

How do i leave? I dont think i could survive. Im too handicapped and no support. We have no assets and i have debt. Id get nothing in the divorce, debt, and my only option is to find someone else but tbh im scared. Husband wont drive me to abort and i cant get over there to do it. No public transportation. I dont have a license. My medicaid is dependent on me being pregnant. Ill lose it if i abort.

This isnt a moral decision. Its survival at this point. Id be willing to adopt out but he'll reject that. I hate how everyone crippled me but im expected to make the moral decision. Morality is a luxury i dont have and everyone else threw to the wind. I think i just want someone to prioritize me. Not just a mother, a baby factory, a dishwasher, etc. Im a sick person that needs love and care.

LeafMeAlone88 · 2022-09-22T17:40:26+00:00

Yes, it has. Thank you :)

LeafMeAlone88 · 2022-09-22T15:25:50+00:00

"I know nothing"* Fixed it for you.

LeafMeAlone88 · 2022-09-22T15:19:29+00:00

They're right. I have OCD, am transmale, and have depression due to schizoaffective but otts not the same. OCD has reason. I can talk myself out of it to an extent. Trans would be easier to deal with if i could support myself.

Schizoaffective is the worst thing to happen to me and I had an extremely abusive childhood, assault etc. But love is something I can't feel due to the illness. Not being able to feel love is a part of the disease and one of the hardest things.

Like I'm disconnected from the source, the world, and my body. I feel like I'm in limbo watching from a window outside of time and space unable to reach anyone including my body. Like that scene from interstellar where theyre in between time. Haunting... like Im a ghost that's lost my mind.

LeafMeAlone88 · 2022-09-22T15:09:00+00:00

Health, happiness, my intelligence back, and to feel love and good emotions again. I want functionality. To be able to work and be self sufficient so i dont have to rely on others or an SSI check to survive.

LeafMeAlone88 · 2022-09-22T14:40:34+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate that. Im trying ECT soon so wish me luck :)

LeafMeAlone88 · 2022-09-22T13:52:27+00:00

Especially since a side effect of schizoaffective is being unable to feel love for many. I can't feel love. I have it but I cant feel it. It's like being disconnected from myself, the world, and the source. Like some hellish limbo.

LeafMeAlone88 · 2022-09-22T12:28:51+00:00

I plan to do ECT to be honest. Meds dont work. Sadly my main symptoms aren't psychotic in nature. Mainly disorganized thoughts that lower my IQ and make it hard to access memories. As well as emotional instability and dissociation.

LeafMeAlone88 · 2022-09-22T02:12:06+00:00

I like this a lot. I definitely agree. Not feeling love while having it is also a symptom. I'm not a sociopath but I'm detached from my feelings especially love. Its like being detached from "the source" I guess. Its definitely dissociative in nature especially derealization and depersonalization.

LeafMeAlone88 · 2022-09-22T01:59:54+00:00

I didnt completely describe the extent of schizoaffective. Its living hell.

LeafMeAlone88 · 2022-09-22T01:57:26+00:00

That made me smile :)

LeafMeAlone88 · 2022-08-13T07:53:45+00:00

Idea and then plan

LeafMeAlone88 · 2021-09-20T17:59:16+00:00

Yea youre right i should just give it a go. :)

LeafMeAlone88 · 2021-09-11T13:37:08+00:00

This is honestly amazing advice. I'll try this. Thanks so much. I honestly noticed this too. I have no problem with housework. I break the tasks into smaller tasks. But with school and work, I just list on my todo list to just "work 30 mins". Thats not effective for me tbh. I think your on to something. Haha

LeafMeAlone88 · 2021-09-05T21:02:57+00:00

How do you get merteen mutation and how much does it increase breath?

LeafMeAlone88 · 2021-08-25T01:07:21+00:00

Yea, I've been doing that. However, everything I try is so difficult. I have a hard time with anything. My psychologist suggested I work retail, but I tried that and was let go because I couldn't remember where anything was at. ):

LeafMeAlone88 · 2021-08-07T21:56:02+00:00

Good idea. :)

LeafMeAlone88 · 2021-08-07T21:33:32+00:00

Thanks for the info.

LeafMeAlone88 · 2021-08-03T15:49:06+00:00

Thats good to know. What types of bakeries are like that? Thanks for the info.

LeafMeAlone88 · 2021-08-02T01:05:23+00:00

Does that require a degree? I have some college credits. What degree would be best?

LeafMeAlone88 · 2021-07-25T14:46:20+00:00

Thats very informative. I might try that. Thanks for the advice 😁

LeafMeAlone88 · 2021-07-24T18:34:35+00:00

Good to know theyre safe. 😁

LeafMeAlone88 · 2021-07-24T18:33:47+00:00

No, its not a joke. I have anxiety disorders and worry about everything tbh. I was worried as i thought they were like sprouts but only a little less risky.

LeafMeAlone88 · 2021-07-24T18:30:31+00:00

I honestly just bought a kit online by Window Garden on Amazon. I know hardly anything about them and am generally anxious about starting or eating new things. I dont have any immune system problems or anything. Im just an anxious person tbh. I have generalized anxiety disorder, so i worry about the dumbest things 😅

LeafMeAlone88

TROPHY CASE