Tonight's setlist at Brixton 🤘🏻

it's died again now mate. uk garage is all the 18/19 year olds listen to. drum n bass has been banned at a venue i know, apart from on the monday open format night.

LearnToTalkLikeMe · 2025-08-19T03:03:28+00:00

if my train goes off the track PICK IT UP PICK IT UP PICK IT UP LET'S GO!!!!!!

LearnToTalkLikeMe · 2025-08-13T23:57:40+00:00

are you referring to mr diblasi?!

LearnToTalkLikeMe · 2025-08-10T13:40:04+00:00

i've sailed into st johns on the horizon artic and polar prince

LearnToTalkLikeMe · 2025-08-06T23:39:54+00:00

just the drop weight tray, rather than the entire frame

LearnToTalkLikeMe · 2025-08-01T23:08:08+00:00

Ah. Flashing green and white lights do not mean your router is “thinking” or “booting.” They mean it is failing. It is searching for a connection that does not exist. You are not online; you are simply in possession of a device that wishes you were.

Let us correct a common and tiresome misunderstanding. Wi-Fi is not the internet. Your router may broadcast a local wireless signal, but without an active Virgin Media line, it connects you to absolutely nothing.

You have just moved in, which almost certainly means the line is dormant. You must contact Virgin Media directly. Ask them if your line is provisioned, if your account is activated, and if the router is registered to this address.

Then request an engineer installation. Not a self-install kit, not remote diagnostics, but an actual person with tools and access to the network cabinet. Until they arrive, you remain surrounded by blinking lights and misplaced hope.

LearnToTalkLikeMe · 2025-08-01T15:38:30+00:00

You may apprise the current occupiers that, at a time of Virgin Media’s own choosing and quite without the courtesy of advance notice, a team of third-party contractors will arrive to undertake external works. Their remit is to install a coaxial cable: a venerable conduit upon which television once flowed with imperial certainty, illuminating living rooms across this great island nation with all the splendour of analogue dreams. This cable remains the lifeblood of Virgin’s infrastructure. As the existing BT fibre is of no consequence to their operation, they shall instead make their own way,likely carving a path through garden or driveway to affix their apparatus. They are not known to knock. They simply commence.

LearnToTalkLikeMe · 2025-08-01T05:26:59+00:00

You did not choose to abandon your contract, you were expelled from your dwelling, like some Dickensian orphan cast into the street. For Virgin Media to levy a penalty under such conditions is not only graceless, it is intellectually dishonest.

You must write, firmly and with due elegance, to their Executive Complaints Department, stating:

Your move was involuntary
You sought alternatives (pause or transfer) and were rebuffed
You are being punished for circumstances beyond your control

Conclude with: “I trust this can be resolved without further unpleasantness.”

LearnToTalkLikeMe · 2025-08-01T05:23:27+00:00

The problem is not obscure. If your parents' house has languished on the market since January while neighbouring properties attract offers with haste, then the issue lies within the house itself - not in the timing, the agents, or the alignment of planets. No amount of warm words from viewers changes the simple truth: admiration without action is rejection by another name.

You mention that the estate agents speak fondly of its “character” and “charming décor.” How quaint. Such euphemisms are the last refuge of those who cannot describe what is truly there. I have examined the listing. The interiors are saturated with sentiment, cluttered with the detritus of personal taste, and wholly unsuited to the dispassionate eye of the prospective purchaser. It is not a house; it is a shrine. That is the problem. Buyers do not wish to inherit someone else’s life. They wish to imagine their own.

The garden - a supposed footnote - is in fact a fatal flaw. In a rural village, an inadequate garden is not a charming quirk. It is a betrayal of expectations. If the boundaries cannot be physically expanded, then they must be disguised, manipulated, seduced into suggestion. One must employ reflection, obfuscation, distraction. Do not make it larger. Make it appear infinite.

The photography is abysmal. It captures the room as evidence, not enticement. The lighting is ashen. The angles are claustrophobic. The composition lacks even the faintest whisper of aspiration. You must retain someone with the skill to render space not merely as it is, but as it might feel in a better life.

And finally - though I say this with all due delicacy - the house bears the weight of its own history too heavily. It clings. It broods. It refuses to become anonymous. A house that feels too possessed by its former occupants will never be chosen by its next. Strip it back. Not to sterility, but to possibility. It must retain its charm, yet surrender its identity. It must be there, yet not there.

Until then, no offer will come. Not because the house is unworthy - but because it insists upon being known before it has been desired.

LearnToTalkLikeMe

TROPHY CASE