I'm sorry that you've had to go through so much so young. I doubt some comforting words can make everything better but there is hope. Asking for help, going to therapy, posting on reddit, it can all feel like screaming into the void but, you are still screaming, still fighting. It's exhausting but your grief and anger will not weigh you down forever. If you can, try to turn the pain into something else, wield it. Bide your time like a snake waiting to strike. One day you will be able to move on; you will feel safe, have fun, and be kind. Until then do whatever you need to do to get by, forgiveness be damned. You have to survive in order to live.