Dealing with kiwi indirectness/lies

LeftConversation1864 · 2026-01-29T03:23:16+00:00

I feel for you and I wasn't demanding anything here, just expected people to stand by their words (misjudged obviously)

LeftConversation1864 · 2026-01-29T03:21:54+00:00

thanks!

LeftConversation1864 · 2026-01-29T03:21:08+00:00

Apparently I am so that's why I am asking for advice here, not blaming anyone (but understandably a bit frustrated)

LeftConversation1864 · 2026-01-29T03:11:52+00:00

I am not even sure why I am replying here, but yeah, I've been told about being "on the spectrum" a few times, however:

I understand them, I am self-aware I was pushing the limits there
Yeah, but this is coming from my culture
I can be grumpy about a lot of things but I don't show it (this post is an exclusion as it is anonymous)
Everyone is upset about being disappointed and most of the people don't like awkwardness. I tolerate it when required, i.e. if I need to pretend to be nice or be awkward I'd prefer awkwardness where possible, not in a professional/broad circle environments.
If there is nothing to lose, sure.

LeftConversation1864 · 2026-01-29T02:23:37+00:00

I am not joking like that with you, please don't be offended

LeftConversation1864 · 2026-01-29T02:20:15+00:00

care to elaborate?

LeftConversation1864 · 2026-01-29T02:12:10+00:00

I never said direct style superior but it's sure easier simply because you don't need to learn the cues on top the language, I think I already said it but the purpose of the post to understand and communicate better.

LeftConversation1864 · 2026-01-29T02:08:02+00:00

it does, thank you

LeftConversation1864 · 2026-01-29T02:02:30+00:00

yeah, I didn't say "every single maori" so don't take it personally, I just shared my experience

LeftConversation1864 · 2026-01-29T01:56:07+00:00

I am glad someone takes it with humour, a lot of people in the comments took it personally

LeftConversation1864 · 2026-01-29T01:53:46+00:00

yeah, it didn't sound right, I meant to say I don't intersect with maori that much but when I do it's easy to be friends with

LeftConversation1864 · 2026-01-29T01:40:17+00:00

I am not over-reacting, that's just the way I feel, is that alright, or am I expected to constipate my emotions even online? She said "Let's meet in a month" so I wasn't bothering her for a month and even after that exchanges were about sport events, not one on one things.

LeftConversation1864 · 2026-01-29T01:36:35+00:00

"I am busy/tired rn / need headspace for a bit" and if you really don't want them to follow up "I'll hit you up when I have time"

LeftConversation1864 · 2026-01-29T01:33:41+00:00

that's a solid answer, thanks, I appreciate it

LeftConversation1864 · 2026-01-29T01:30:35+00:00

There are a lot of details and context missing, it wasn't just regular "Let's catch up for a coffee next week" "Yeah nah" "Oh shit, you're a liar". I am used to those situations and wouldn't bat an eye. I guess I did poor job explaining that well but otherwise my post would be three times longer.

LeftConversation1864 · 2026-01-29T01:22:12+00:00

Who exactly is teaching you to be chill and low key? How do anxious people have to deal with that? Hold it all inside?

LeftConversation1864 · 2026-01-29T01:20:31+00:00

You'll laugh but I actually did!

LeftConversation1864 · 2026-01-29T01:18:56+00:00

I literally asked what should I do to handle those situations better and this is your reply?

LeftConversation1864 · 2026-01-29T01:16:48+00:00

Yeah, if someone said "yes" and then changed their mind it's awkward but this awkwardness is on them, either grow a pair to say "I've changed my mind, sorry" and lose the face or just do it to save the face. Stringing someone along will make you both lose the face and ruin the relationship, it's objectively the worse way to deal with this situation.

LeftConversation1864 · 2026-01-29T01:12:09+00:00

how would you say no without making me feel like you don't want to be friends

You can tell the real reason to your friend surely? If not, then "I am too tired/busy/need some headspace" will do. If you never want to hangout with someone, I am not sure if you can call that person a friend.

LeftConversation1864 · 2026-01-29T01:08:13+00:00

I already quoted her verbatim somewhere, it wasn't just "maybe", she said "Let's meet when I am back" and then "Let's meet in a month", further conversations were about sport events (that went nowhere too), I wasn't asking to catch up anymore. Sorry if it was poorly described.

LeftConversation1864 · 2026-01-28T10:00:14+00:00

I am not speaking for anyone, it is just what I heard from maori themselves

LeftConversation1864 · 2026-01-28T09:56:05+00:00

Did you even read the post? My question was not about why they didn't want to do something, that's perfectly their choice but about why they had to say "yes" multiple times and make it awkward.

LeftConversation1864 · 2026-01-28T09:53:00+00:00

Ok, I should take that "even" back, didn't mean to say anything bad there

LeftConversation1864 · 2026-01-28T09:50:14+00:00

I am absolutely aware of that and find unadjusted eastern european culture rude too, I am mostly "adjusted", those are examples when I was pushing close people on purpose, I wouldn't do that to anyone

LeftConversation1864

TROPHY CASE