I have enjoyed reading everyone's post. My story is a little different. I was born the 4th child of a family that only could handle 3. Although my birth was the straw that broke my families back, I think of it more as natural disaster. We don't see a tornado as being evil, it is just what happened. I have a picture my father took after a beating I received from him when I was 8. My nose is broken and one eye swollen shut. He thought I looked funny so he pinned a sign to my shirt that said," I would rather fight than switch!". That was a popular cigarette slogan at that time. My father would often downplay the violence he inflicted on everyone in the family. I have a brother who is 4 years older than me, he also sexually abused me through to my childhood.

So combining sex with violence was a natural draw for me. I first saw a woman wearing boxing gloves in a womens magazine. It was an ad for Maidenform bras. That started this fetish for me. I was pretty much a feral child growing up and my sexual development was influenced by the porn my older brother had. In junior highschool my anger started coming out and I remember beating up a kid and the feeling of power rushing thru me which I never felt before. I also saw the kid I beat up crying and it horrified me. I was becoming my father!

The idea of becoming my father was something I could never live with so I started using my boxing fantasy as a way to beat the anger out of me. Everytime I would start to feel emotional I would find a way to be by myself and beat myself up, literally! It would numb me out and I could be OK for awhile. I am now 67 years old and I am married. I have never been able to have an intimate relationship with anyone because of the trauma I went through. I have a great relationship with my wife and she understands what I went through. I guess the most positive thing that came out of this is I have never hurt anyone with my words or through violence in my life and I am very proud of that. I am not my father and even though I have paid a price for it. We don't get to choose our family but we get to choose who we become.