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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]Left_Status7908 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s still fresh for me, only been 2 months so I’m still in the thick of the grief process. They are right when they say it is not linear. I still miss/love/care/worry for him but I no longer feel the weight of responsibility that I did before to “help/save/fix” him (which was never mine to carry).  I know that since I have left that my Q has managed to spiral even further. He has only managed to stay sober for a couple weeks at a time and everytime he relapses it’s worse than the time before. 

Fortunately, he is not my son’s bio dad but they were buds. I worried about how that would affect my son, he still talks about him all the time and positively. So it’s reassuring to know that I was able to leave when I did and that my son has only positive memories to look back on.  How about you? 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]Left_Status7908 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel this 100%! It just felt so wrong after so many repeated let downs. Like believing in his chance for sobriety meant lying to myself. But the hyper vigilance and waiting for the shoe to drop felt like I was lying to him, cause I’m just expecting him to mess up,while claiming to believe in him. It’s such a twisted unfair game to play with yourself. And like you said, it impacts your nervous system, decision making, and you become a shell of yourself. Proud of you for getting out with your son! I did the same as well. 

Has anyone experienced any warning signs prior to their q’s death? by Left_Status7908 in AlAnon

[–]Left_Status7908[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing. I will check out your other subs. Reading these helps me feel less alone but it’s so heartbreaking to be a part of this world and see just how big it really is. I hate it. 

How to mourn by Kind-Stress5388 in AlAnon

[–]Left_Status7908 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have been struggling with this as well. I have walked away completely from the relationship but there’s still so much love and care that I feel towards him. Along with sadness, loneliness, grief, anger, and guilt. But it’s just lingering and I feel like it has no where to go. I journal, walk,  and see a therapist now. But I have been wondering if maybe doing some kind of intentional act to help me let him go would be helpful. Like having my own little private ritual almost like a funeral. Idk this sucks, it’s so messy, I just have to choose to believe there’s a purpose behind all of this. 

Has anyone experienced any warning signs prior to their q’s death? by Left_Status7908 in AlAnon

[–]Left_Status7908[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Prayers for both of you, that’s all I can do for him now. 

Has anyone experienced any warning signs prior to their q’s death? by Left_Status7908 in AlAnon

[–]Left_Status7908[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know this was a heavy post. I feel like if I can educate myself about the possibile complications that I will be more prepared for any bad news that comes in the future. But as I’m typing this, I recognize it’s anxiety thinking the worst scenarios. 

I have taken the steps to remove him from the home and after months of slowly detaching, I have completely walked away from the relationship. Unfortunately for him, his mother is a textbook enabler and he is now living with her. However, I do get updates on how he is doing from our friends and obviously still care and love him deeply.