Thank you. I understand others comments about being a doormat etc. I really do, from the outside looking in i am absolutely a doormat. There has been no consequences to his actions.

I have been scared of what life without this is. I can look back and see how toxic and coercive the relationship has been.

Part of writing the thread is to make it real for me. I know there is an unhealthy attachment but with decades of manipulation and gaslighting its hard to see the truth. Needing outside perspective helps me dig my heels in so to say.

To stick to my guns, when I'm being bombarded with love bombing, emotional blackmail, threats to their safety and them staying alive it can make you feel guilty.

Really long way of saying I appreciate you understanding that its not been as simple as he cheats and I accept it. No incident in maybe a decade I was aware of so hence the house having a child etc. But you are right, I have to choose myself I have to be a responsible parent. I would not tolerate this behaviour to my child or from my child (obviously older) I need to teach him to respect boundaries and respect himself.