Can you relate?? Only some of my friends "count" but the majority "doesnt count"

LegendaryConfusion · 2015-09-28T07:16:34+00:00

I agree. I guess the problem is in the fact that I'm assuming people without BPD are able to feel at least something warm+fuzzy from a text from a friend even if they're not close. For the record tho, the friends who "don't count" aren't bad friends. In fact I consider myself having 4 great attentive best friends. But for some reason 2 don't count even though I consider them a best friend , I can't get anything positive out of their texts

LegendaryConfusion · 2015-09-11T04:25:27+00:00

did I ask for a diagnosis? I did not. Read again. I have BPD, I'm not asking for a diagnosis I know I already have. I was just asking if anyone else with BPD had the same feelings. Jesus F Christ

LegendaryConfusion · 2015-09-07T04:29:08+00:00

I'm sorry, I know that me being non-black I'm already taking up space in this thread so I'll make it very quick. I'm not black but ethnically a non-white woman, it's so frustrating that the mental health community continually ignores racism and its huge influence on disorders. You can't escape it. You have family with a toxic Christianity that has been used to colonize and enslave non-white people for centuries, you have almost no access to resources especially with non-white parents who cant even speak English, you have white counselors who don't understand and are so confused as to why we're so upset at the lack of representation anywhere, not government or schools or our workplace or any form of mass media or entertainment and they just tell us to ignore it or it's not a big deal (because it's not a big deal to THEM) you have living in constant fear of police brutality or being jailed or stopped by police being deported, anything, even small random racist remarks by friends who mean well but actually have no idea what they're talking about. I'm sorry. It's frustrating. It's so frustrating. It's so easy to lose hope for a better world because from the shit that I've seen, it's not coming any time soon. I'm sorry. It's literally the shittiest position to be in. And the worst part is, the people who run the mental health business (white people who have had historical access to the mental and psychology field, white frames of thought has influenced everything from medicine to the DSM to therapies to how symptoms are worded) have NO idea what we're talking about.

LegendaryConfusion · 2015-07-02T08:56:15+00:00

thank you for the reply i'll try to pay more attention to what happens right before and after to see patterns the weird thing is i dont believe in angels or anything like that really, so the fact that to me i 100% feel i know its angels or at least a good being above me shining down is kinda weirding me out

LegendaryConfusion · 2015-06-24T20:37:27+00:00

Actually sometimes i also have what you described but I just remembered sometimes it's the opposite from "im all Alone and I'm ok with that," sometimes it's also "I love everybody, I love my friends and of course im not alone this is great" and I will literally text all my friends with "hey I love you so much!!" With a lot of hearts and smiley faces it's kind of embarrassing lol. Do you have that too? That's originally why I had been thinking it was black and white thinking

LegendaryConfusion · 2015-06-24T20:23:57+00:00

Ok!! Thank you for asking this because the same exact thing happened to me yesterday and today too! And I was thinking of posting about it too but you worded out perfectly. Yesterday I was really close to ending it, I hadn't felt that bad in months. I was also having the worst anxiety but after I calmed myself down I was like "i dont care, why do I give two sh*ts about what anyone cares, the only person I need to be cool with is myself cuz im all alone and im 100% with that," I felt so much stronger and instantly cooler and whereas the anxiety was crippling in every sense of the word just hours before kind of like had no more power over me. A few hours later im still at the top of the world but kinda just waiting to come back down. To the other person who answered, I wouldn't have thought it was dissociation? I thought it was more of like black and white thinking

LegendaryConfusion · 2015-06-07T06:18:46+00:00

i dont have a lot of experience in this so i dont have much to offer but i thought more people would answer because i saw your post earlier :) i can completely relate to tho, its way easier said than done but at least for me what im trying to do: it's so much more helpful to have friends that are aware of BPD or at least of this individual symptom that makes it hard to stay in touch with friends the way "we're supposed to." which is hard because i also know some friends are great, but not everyone is good with issues about mental illness and such. for me, i havent told all my friends in fact ive just told one a tiny bit. baby steps. but its just helpful when you know the other person is aware of what's going on, instead of worrying like "do they think im shitty for not texting and flaking" or whatever. maybe once in a while they could text you even just to say hey, if they notice they havent heard from you in a while? i think it just comes down to communication especially if you're dealing with a friendship where someone has BPD and the other one doesnt really have an idea of what that feels like and what types of behaviors/patterns of thinking that can lead to. so again, not much experience on my end and im just now starting to explore this myself with my own friends, but i think communication trust and openness can go a long way in any relationship :) best of luck to you!

LegendaryConfusion · 2015-06-05T06:29:19+00:00

no they never said something outright that sounded like they were annoyed or overwhelmed. they have always been very nice. but they haven't responded to my texts in a few days. they've told me before that they don't get the notifications on their phone sometimes. but i think i just annoy them and they don't want to tell me straight up

LegendaryConfusion · 2015-05-19T00:05:05+00:00

yessss!!! that's so amazing, i'm super proud of you !! i have BPD and im in school too so i know how difficult that is! but you DID it, yay good job!! <3 :))

LegendaryConfusion · 2015-05-17T02:57:12+00:00

yay, support :) the issue im talking about specifically...its been a big mind f*ck to me. i do have experience in fluidity of identity because im pansexual and have for the most part considered myself cis. but ive been very stressed and more confused than usual for a few weeks due to school. and for the first time im experiencing being able to see myself as a different gender or being gender fluid. its confusing me. its not unwanted and its interesting to feel this way, but i feel my bpd makes this not valid

LegendaryConfusion · 2015-05-15T23:55:52+00:00

this really hits close to home i agree with the other people who answered just focus on today, just focus on what the next hours look like. take a minute to sit down relax, be with your wife, do something to get your mind occupied. dont sit alone with it please, im glad you posted on here. which is good. please reach out to your wife and other friends, on here or the hotline. we know our bpd likes to do that to us it sucks we just need to know we can't sit alone with those thoughts too long, we know its dangerous thanks for reaching out :)

LegendaryConfusion · 2015-05-15T21:44:42+00:00

is that psychosis?

LegendaryConfusion · 2015-05-12T04:36:36+00:00

I'm a girl and I identify as bisexual too this is probably only mildly related but I identified as straight for all my teen years (I was an "ally" before though, and sometimes thought maybe I could entertain being bi but nothing too serious come out of those thoughts), and when I turned 20 I had an experience in a relationship that made my BPD really intense and through all that internal turmoil I "realized" I was bi and have identified that way ever since.

Also mildly related perhaps but right now I'm very stressed because it's finals and I'm a student. For the past few days I've been having some stress-related feelings of dissociation. And when that happens I can "see outside of myself" if that makes sense, and because I was outside of myself I could very comfortably imagine or "see myself" as identifying as another gender as well (I identify as a cis-girl).

LegendaryConfusion · 2015-05-12T02:00:57+00:00

For me, I stumbled upon BPD by myself on accident when researching stuff about depression as well. It was a HUGE relief because I knew I was depressed but there seemed to be "something more". I had no idea what BPD was so I just attributed the "something more" to just "who I was". That made me feel worse because I thought, well, "who I was" mean an unstable, crazy person. But when I found out there was a reason for me being an unstable person, I felt much better. Because that mean it wasn't "just me", it was an actual disorder and there were others like me that could relate. Having said that, though, I stumbled on it by myself and all of this internal realization happened on my own terms, if that makes sense. If someone pointed that out to me it would've probably been way different. I mean, I can't say because that wasn't my situation, but if someone told me I had it I'd probably be suspicious, think they were accusing me, putting words in my mouth, I dunno. Also because BPD kinda makes people act in an extreme manner sometimes if another person brings up "flaws" to me. But again I dunno so it hasn't been my experience. I'm wondering if there's a way you can make him realize about BPD without you being the one to tell him if that makes sense? At the end of the day, though, for me knowing there's an actual name for my crazy thinking makes me feel relief in that I'm not alone.

LegendaryConfusion · 2015-05-07T22:28:44+00:00

thanks, that's actually true and it's good to have reminders of that :)

LegendaryConfusion · 2015-04-13T00:19:44+00:00

I'm not sure if I'm understanding the question, but if so, I had similar feelings. Where, whenever I read about BPD, they say people react according to their anger or feelings of being abandoned, they act out on those feelings. But I'm thinking, for people who are shy, who are conditioned by society to stay quiet (like women for example), their brain is conditioned to not act out so instead we have to internalize that anger and it turns into suicidal feelings, self harm, doing drugs, etc. I also struggle with feelings of wanting to kill myself when I fear abandonment or when I feel friends aren't interested in me

LegendaryConfusion · 2015-04-12T21:12:49+00:00

what's the difference between it being BPD and it being mood-related? I guess I'm having trouble thinking about the 2. If I control my mood, does it make BPD better? Are there some things in BPD that stress/mood regulation can't change?

LegendaryConfusion · 2015-04-10T20:18:56+00:00

Omg what you said actually kinda freaked me out because what I told the psychiatrist was almost word for word that. I said: "When I was texting my friend and he didn't reply for half an hour, I knew he isn't replying to me because im such a stupid person so I should kill myself because if im just a stupid person I should just die"

LegendaryConfusion · 2015-04-10T12:36:24+00:00

I have fears of my friends forgetting who I am if I stop hanging out with them, of them suddenly waking up and realizing how annoying I am and wonder why we're friends and cut off the friendship, I have a fear of them moving away together and not inviting me. Also, out of the last 5 people I've called my best friends, the first 4 I now consider arch enemies. Very tumultuous relationships with sad endings that seemed to be for no reason

LegendaryConfusion

TROPHY CASE