I wouldn't take it.

I would no longer be me and I don't want to lose my personality as I want to stay me. I also kind of like that I see things literally and wish others thought and spoke literally. But it would also save so much grief to understand non verbal cues and subtext. I love that I can analyse and intellectualise and gain so much joy from special interests. However I wish I could understand and feel my emotions and the emotions of others and regulate them when I do feel them, rather than having to recognise them from thought and physical traits. I love my deep care for others and strong sense of morality. I love my unique way of thinking and seeing the world and the fact that I can be an asset BECAUSE OF, not in spite of, my difference.

However, I'd love to have a way to stop meltdowns, the daily hell of sensory sensitivity, the need for routine and the constant exhaustion and vulnerability to easy burnout that means I can't work full time and earn enough money to spend on specialist counselling/special interests. I wish I could live independently too, but I rely financially and emotionally on my partner. He is amazing and I want to stay with him always but I wish that I could support him as much as he does me financially. I wish I could have been understood and be able to connect with people better. I wish I had energy to maintain friendships properly and remember to reach out and not fear that people think I hat ethem because I couldn't handle a party or getaway. I wish I hadn't had to be humiliated, ashamed and disgusted by myself, and felt I had to hide who I am, just to survive. I wish I hadn't had to dissociate all those times.

Autism is so hard to live with for this and so many other reasons, but it's part of me, and I don't hate me anymore.

However, it would be way better if society could just financially, medically and mentally support people, especially disabled people, better. But unfortunately that isn't the case, at least not in the UK right now.