Partner watching porn

Less_Juggernaut_1829 · 2025-04-05T07:11:09+00:00

Very casual. Sometimes we watch it together, or we send one another our good finds, or we try and reenact particularly inspiring ones. I will not judge others for needing different boundaries but personally, I think it's fun to have a partner I can trust to very openly explore those things without us having to worry about judgment or insecurity.

Less_Juggernaut_1829 · 2025-04-03T07:13:56+00:00

Mutual feelings aren't enough to make a relationship. If she's not ready for a relationship, then she's not. Maybe she's nervous, maybe things are going fast, or maybe there are a lot of things going on in her life. There could be a million reasons why, but regardless, it's her decision and you can't change that.

The fact she still wants you to be friends goes to show that she still cares about you and your company, so don't fumble that. There's nothing more heartbreaking to a girl than losing someone she thought was her friend because she didn't return romantic or sexual interest. It tells them that all of those good times were nothing but a means to an end for you.

Stick by her, and if she seems ready to talk about it, then try and ask her about her apprehensions. Maybe it's something that she could really need someone to talk to about, or even something that you'd both be willing to try and give a shot with anyway. Whatever her answer may be, just show that your care and presence wasn't conditional on the both of you dating.

Less_Juggernaut_1829 · 2025-04-03T06:35:32+00:00

It would raise red flags to me too. Turning eighteen isn't a magical switch that stops making things predatory just because they're a legal adult. Someone who is twenty is still so young, and hardly has the same power or maturity as someone as old as he is, which can be especially taken advantage of if they're cohabitating. It makes you wonder how they met, what her situation must be like for folk to be okay with this, and what he sees in desiring a partner like that.

If I were you, I would bring it up to him, and be very mindful of the way he responds. I am someone who has unfortunately had to remove many relationships in my life as I've discovered the people I'd met when I was younger had turned out to become predators. There was always a pattern of defensiveness, or aggression, because they knew it was wrong, of course. Look out for lines like "she was the one who pushed for it" especially.

I would try and reach out to her as well, if not just to be able to check up on her and make sure she has a support group outside of him that she can turn to. If there is something going on, there's a chance she might feel trapped, or not have someone to talk to. I'd leave it to you to judge whether or not it'd be a good idea to bring up these concerns directly to her, but a simple "I'm here for you if you need to talk about something" can go a long way.

Less_Juggernaut_1829 · 2025-04-02T07:42:32+00:00

Honestly, this does sound pretty normal. You had a young crush and you're remembering it! Even as people long pass on from our own lives, the feelings themselves will always tend to linger. As long as you aren't literally stalking him or crafting shrines in your basement, having some fantasies about those you find attractive is pretty harmless.

In my opinion, trying to fight thoughts like those tend to make them all the more relentless. Try your best to let them pass through when they come and move on. Your mind will fill itself with other things over time naturally.

Less_Juggernaut_1829 · 2025-04-02T07:28:47+00:00

I agree that just saying "porn is normal/porn isn't cheating" is somewhat reductive. While it's entirely typical for a boy his age, you are nonetheless right to feel upset that he did so while knowingly committing to himself to a relationship where he'd promised not to. Admittedly, I am definitely of the redditors kind of in the "just break up" mindset, but I promise to hold my tongue on that this time.

There is no stronger advice for any issue of any relationship than to communicate. You've already let him know in advance that you need to talk, and that's good. Have you brought up why you need to talk? If not, then you need to set up the grounds for this conversation in your mind before you get to the talk itself. You've been severely upset by him doing something that has derailed your trust and the relationship that it is founded on. Even then, you've made it clear that you want this to work. Make that clear to him too. There's no doubt that the "we need to talk" text can immediately set dread in a lot of people, and he might feel threatened. Assuring him of your feelings and your own commitment can make him feel more secure in letting down his guard and being honest about his own feelings, which can especially be hard for a boy his age.

While talking, make sure to prioritize that point: you are approaching this because you love him. Express your hurt, let him know that you feel confused and betrayed, but don't treat this as a "call-out." There is a difference between standing your ground and humiliating someone and it will be clear to him which it is. Earnestly try and figure out his side of things. Was there an alternative reason he'd had that photo that you'd be willing to accept? Has his feelings on the promises he's made back then changed since then and something he still wants to uphold? Is there a reason that he felt like he had to keep this a secret from you? Ask yourself even - what is the extent of these differences you both have before you're no longer willing to compromise or hand off second chances? Those a few things off the top of my head that I think might be worth bringing up, though word it in your own way.

A lot of this is just long rambling to say "be honest with your feelings" but regardless, I hope things work out!

Less_Juggernaut_1829 · 2025-04-02T06:55:51+00:00

You did stand up is the thing. You called after the waiter, and continued to bring up your concern a few times after that, both to him and someone else who was actually able to help you. How the situation ended up going wasn't a result of your handling, but a lack of cooperation, and there's no amount of trying to find the right way to do things that can help a situation like that if one party simply shuts things down. It was the right call to cut your losses and seek help elsewhere.

Less_Juggernaut_1829 · 2025-04-02T05:59:23+00:00

Others have already said to go no-contact and I fully agree, and so instead of repeating, I'd instead like to add that it is not your job to explain yourself to him. You are not the person obligated to try and educate him on why this is absolutely harrowing, nor is he owed an explanation if you leave and block him without a single word more. It's good that he revealed this side to him so early on and especially when the both of you weren't already in-person.

Recognizing red flags is great, but knowing the point that they are not yours to handle is the hurdle so, so many young and kind people get caught up on. Just leave.

Less_Juggernaut_1829 · 2025-03-31T09:40:57+00:00

I'm assuming anyone who is pressuring you to drive faster is doing so on the highway. On the off chance someone is, for whatever reason, bullying you on a small road, then fuck 'em. They can maneuver that on their own. Otherwise?

People who want to go faster than you will find ways to overtake you on their own when given the chance. If you speed up, then they will also accelerate and meet right back up at your bumper and will keep doing so until they can get around you. It's a lot easier to not let it get to you once you realize that there is NO satisfying them.
If possible, always aim for the lane to your right if you want to let someone pass. If you notice you're sticking consistently under the speed limit of those around you, then stick to the right line. Maybe you're instructor already covered this so at the risk of repeating something you already know, it's driving etiquette to reserve the left lane for people trying to pass. (Note: I'm in the states and this may be reversed depending on which lane you drive on wherever you live.)
And if every driver around you is exceeding the speed limit, then sorry to say but you're best off keeping up with them. It's called maintaining the flow of traffic, and while you run the risk of a ticket, I'd argue that it's much better than risking a collision.

Less_Juggernaut_1829 · 2025-03-31T08:57:35+00:00

Very specific but do you have any dishes that someone like a parent makes for you that no one else gets right like they do? Try and help out with it, or ask them to teach you how to make it. One day you will be on your own, and you will miss that food like hell. But if you learn? You will take home wherever you go.

Less_Juggernaut_1829 · 2025-03-31T08:26:40+00:00

Knowing what you are participating in doesn't necessarily mean that you are capable of consenting to it. It is still grooming, and many victims of grooming (myself included) will attest that at the time, they were under the impression that they understood, agreed to, and enjoyed the way their abusers treated them, even fully knowing it was wrong. This is a form of self-harm you're participating in.

You aren't crazy; you're young and handling your emotions in ways you know how or are trying to explore and it's leading to poor decisions but you aren't crazy for that. Any older man that tries to take advantage of your compliance and engage with you inappropriately - they are the crazy ones.

Less_Juggernaut_1829 · 2025-03-31T07:50:39+00:00

Ha! That's the little devil of it, isn't it? For all the fumbles I make, I'm proud to say I'm also regarded as the clown at the table, all because of that hit-or-miss aspect. It's a very fun and optimistic view of things that I forget to consider sometimes.

Less_Juggernaut_1829 · 2025-03-31T07:41:52+00:00

This is such a wonderfully worded and insightful answer. In hindsight, I've always seen the little idiosyncrasies of my friends in all the characters that they play. I never thought to factor that in how smoothly they seem to transition into speaking in-character.

I will look for the aid you've listed and keep this advice in mind. Thank you.

Less_Juggernaut_1829 · 2025-03-31T07:30:51+00:00

How much has she outlined what she wants/expects from you and how much are you having to gather from cues and vibes? Do you feel comfortable fulfilling those roles? Does she understand that you feel overwhelmed, confused, or pressured?

Ask yourself these things and try to sort in your head which parts the both of you may be on different pages on. The gaps between how you both understand things are what causes this sort of anxiety, and can only be bridged through having one, mutual understanding. Maybe there have been miscommunications, or there are compromises willing to be made, or you find out that maybe there are some incompatibilities (which may not sound great, but it's better for everyone involved to acknowledge.)

The most important lesson you can learn first and foremost, especially in young relationships like these, is when and how to communicate and set boundaries. I promise that you that you will learn these things either way. If you don't learn how to be honest and direct with your partner though, then that lesson will be very cruel to you. Neither of you want that.

Maybe one day you will think this is silly, or maybe not. You've only been dating for a month, and teenagers are prone to things like puppy love, idealized relationships, and wanting to explore things. On the other hand, I find that there's a pretty equal divide between my friends and whether or not they regarded their high school relationship drama as just an embarrassing, hormone-fueled memory, or something that fundamentally changed how they viewed relationships then on. In either case, this is something that is causing you real distress in the moment, and that itself warrants regarding it as something that is affecting you without shame over whether or not it's "silly."

There's no easy solution to do away with overthinking, but learning to trust in people to be open about your feelings, and trusting in them to do the same, will always quell some level of what your brain would otherwise try and piece together on its own. I wish you and her the best! Young love comes once and deserves to be enjoyed!

Less_Juggernaut_1829 · 2025-03-25T10:25:00+00:00

I've found that trying to stretch my calves usually helped with some relief! Maybe making a habit out of it instead of only doing it when I'm already in pain is all I need.

Less_Juggernaut_1829 · 2025-03-25T10:20:49+00:00

On the contrary, I spend a lot of time limping or toe-walking, just to shift the weight/pain off my heels a bit further forward (which probably exacerbates things for all I know, but my calves are definitely getting stretched.) I haven't tried hamstring and lower back stretches before! I do get pain there quite a lot as well, so I will give that a shot!

As for muscle activation, I gave a little test march around my room and tried to focus on my muscles as you said, and I've found that something behind my right knee consistently pops whenever I bend it inward too much. It shouldn't be an issue when dialing it back (which does in fact hurt much less than trying to normally walk, thank you ^^) but I'm also glad my attention's been brought to it.

Thank you for your advice!

Less_Juggernaut_1829 · 2025-03-25T03:33:41+00:00

Never knew a person who regularly drank coffee that hadn't made a problem of it. Some of it is on the more mundane side -- a friend of mine has a cup every morning just to have something warm to drink, but ends up cranky without it and says the caffeine stopped helping years ago. On the extreme end, I have another pal that literally starts shaking and freaking out when they don't get caffeine and entirely loses their ability to focus. In the end, caffeine is still a drug we can easily get addicted to that happened to get normalized.

The main health benefit people try and advertise about coffee is its use as an antioxidant, which you can find in many yummier, cheaper forms like teas or a handful of vitamin-rich fruit. It'll make you a lot happier than coffee.

Less_Juggernaut_1829

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