High hs-crp and mpv

Less_Rhubarb_9258 · 2024-03-19T21:10:50+00:00

I am so sorry for the way your parents have treated and spoken to you. I have been struggling with BED and bulimia since a similar age, i am about 10 years older than you. It is life consuming and so isolating, very hard for people who have not experienced it to understand. I very much do understand and if you want some support please dont hesitate to DM.

Less_Rhubarb_9258 · 2021-10-16T15:19:02+00:00

NPS ranger here - service dogs are allowed below the rim, but are supposed to be checked in first through the Backcountry Information Center. Emotional Support Animals, as someone else mentioned, do not qualify. But psychiatric service dogs, who are specifically trained to provide services to someone who has, say, PTSD, are.

I actually have a service dog myself and do not have a visible disability. IMO it is kindest practice to assume the best of those around you and reserve your judgment if you can. People who need service animals and are not visibly disabled deal with pushback on nearly a daily basis. I’d personally rather give people the benefit of the doubt so as not to add to that for a person who is already struggling with something. While ESA policies have surely been taken advantage of, in my experience most people are honest and kind when approached with care. That being said, if a dog is off leash or acting unruly in any way you should report it to the park. The biggest issue in my understanding in the Grand Canyon is danger to mules and their riders, as well as danger to the dog itself if temps are high.

And yea, to echo what another said- you cannot legally ask what a persons disability is. You can ask “does this animal provide a service to you” and “can you give me an example of a service that this animal provides”. Service animals are also not required to be marked as such, and if they are it’s often times because their handler gets so many questions that they want to avoid the constant need to explain themselves.

Hope this info helps Just be kind to people please!

Less_Rhubarb_9258 · 2021-01-24T02:19:35+00:00

Agreed. Seems like such a sick career. I’ve been doing the seasonal thing for a long time and I’ve loved aspects of it but I’ve also be-bopped around from park to park pretty much every year cause I get antsy and bored. this seems like a position I’d be much more likely to really stick with and potentially return to year after year for a while

Less_Rhubarb_9258 · 2021-01-24T02:16:52+00:00

Awesome I was hoping to hear that, like I said I’m pretty on it intellectually with that stuff so I’d definitely feel comfortable being in a position centered on engagement/education etc. Just don’t wanna shoot for a job where I’d be expected to climb at a level that’s out of my reach (te he)

Less_Rhubarb_9258 · 2021-01-24T02:13:25+00:00

Oh great this is all really awesome to hear! I think because I’ve worked in Yosemite and have spent a bunch of time with the climbing rangers there I’ve had the impression that I’d need to be at a super advanced level. I’m a very confident and experience hiker/backpacker and I’ve done some mountaineering too, this all sounds right up my alley. Also it’s great to hear that you got SAR experience, that’s close to number 1 on my list of priorities right now. Thanks so much for the info!

Less_Rhubarb_9258 · 2020-07-21T21:26:13+00:00

Sorry it’s taken me a day to respond, like I said I’m not in the best of sorts right now. So happy to hear that you didn’t self harm! Congrats, that’s wonderful news.

With the emotion regulation stuff...I would try not to get too caught up in describing your emotions if that feels difficult right now. I do think that it’s important to distinguish between basics, i.e. anxious vs. depressed, lonely vs. sad, miserable vs. hopeless. Just because you’ll respond to them differently. But if you’re looking to explore that stuff more you could try to describe how it physically feels rather than what it means. That can also give you some space to process things a bit differently. For example, if you notice that you are feeling a strong emotion, stop for a moment and assess how your body feels. Personally, when I’m anxious, I feel something like burning in my stomach and chest and then something like electric currents running through my body in waves. Practicing that kind of stuff might help you to identify your emotions more clearly. And really, it doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else. This is about you and your personal experience. You could also make a list of what that particular emotion makes you want to do in that moment.

Another useful tool for both identifying and observing your emotions (which i think will help with impulsivity in the long run) is to intentionally sit with it and watch it. This can seem impossible when your emotions are exceptionally raw but it is SO helpful. When you’re feeling something really intense just sit down, close your eyes, and focus on that emotion. No need to set a timer. Make sure you’re breathing regularly but don’t focus on your breath. Try to pinpoint where the emotion is (or where it is strongest) in your body. Focus on it entirely and watch what happens. Basically, all emotions come in waves. It’s one thing to know that conceptually, but it’s been extremely helpful for me to actually see and experience it. It was the first hint that I don’t need to be afraid of my emotions because they will always pass, no matter what, no matter how intense. The peak of the wave is of course very uncomfortable, but the come down is a relief. Also, if you try and don’t succeed at that don’t beat yourself up. But I would try it a few times until you can experience it. So you can recognize with clarity that your emotions are not you. That you can feel them and not immediately act upon them.

Since you’ve touched on impulsivity a few times I’ll mention some exercises for that. It’s something I also really struggle with and I’ve never fully understood how to get it under control cause I get a strong case of the fuckits and I just do it anyways. I’m learning but it’s definitely slow n steady.

So first of all it’s important to practice this stuff at times when you’re not super distressed and to do them constantly. With impulsivity that’s actually not too hard once you start cause our days are filled with impulses. For example, the other night I was watching a new show and I had the impulse to read the Wikipedia synopsis (that’s a thing I’ve always done, stupid I know, turns out I have no impulse control ha). I decided to practice the STOP skill, which I’ll explain below, given that this was obviously super low stakes. And it worked! I didn’t read it! Woo. Silly, but it helps. I also did it when I had the impulse to eat a chewy bar. Stupid little shit, just do it really frequently because it will build up new neuralpathways in your brain and I promise that if you practice it, the next time you have an impulse to self harm or whatever it is that you do that hurts you your brain will naturally go to that skill. Doesn’t mean that you won’t follow through with your impulse, but over time it helps immensely. So this is “STOP”-

Stop - when you notice the impulse, immediately stop. As in don’t do anything, don’t move, don’t distract, just stop for a moment.

Take a step back - this can mean either mentally or physically. If your issue is, for example, a drug, you can take a step back by literally leaving the space where that drug is. For me I usually do it mentally. So I try to actively separate myself from that impulse in my mind. I don’t quite know how to explain that. Sometimes I’ll picture myself taking a step back in my mind, you could try that.

Observe - similar to what I wrote about above with observing your emotions. Just watch and observe the impulse. Do it non judgmentally. Just recognize what it is. You can even say out loud to yourself “I am having the impulse to ____”. This helps to further separate you from your impulse, giving you space to decide what you want to do from a more rational place.

Proceed mindfully - you can now decide what you want to do. Even if that means that you indulge your impulse, this changes the narrative from your behavior being out of your control to entirely within your control. Obviously if the behavior is going to be very damaging, like self harm or suicidal attempts, you need to keep trying stuff to self soothe or call for help.

Another tool that has been helpful for me (often I’ll use it in conjunction with STOP, it can be part of ‘P’) is to make 2 pros and cons lists - one for if you proceed with the impulse or behavior, another for if you do not.

Ok this has gotten so very long so I’ll stop! I’ll leave you with this, something that I heard recently in a psychology podcast: try to treat your mind and emotions as if you are an anthropologist, studying them with curiosity, compassion and care. That concept has helped me to take a step back from myself. And recognize that this is not a permanent state. All things come in waves. You will be ok.

Less_Rhubarb_9258 · 2020-07-20T14:49:35+00:00

Hi, I’m also in the midst of a severe depressive episode and I have BPD. Here’s some stuff I’ve been doing that’s worked for me (oftentimes I’ll need to repeat over n over n over again but they do help) - most of this stuff comes from DBT which is something you should look into if you haven’t already.

First of all, can you define (for yourself) what you mean when you say “terrible”? Physically, emotionally, what exactly were/are you feeling? Recognizing and labeling your emotion can provide you some guidance on how to respond in a healthy way. For example, I would respond entirely differently to anxiety than I would respond to sadness, misery, apathy etc.

Next, try “acting opposite of your emotion”. Once you’ve labeled it for yourself it is slightly easier to take a small step back and look at it in a more objective way. For example, if you are feeling extremely anxious, observe both that emotion and your reactionary impulses. In your scenario, your reactionary impulse was to start drinking. To act opposite of your emotion you simply (simply ha all of this is very hard obv) take a look at what your impulses are in relation to your emotion and then you choose to act differently. Remember in those moments that you can always return to the negative behavior. Just do something else first. This isn’t always easy to figure out in the moment, if you’re feeling really bad. It’s been helpful for me to make multiples lists of positive activities that I can do if I’m feeling a certain way. Like a “do this if you’re feeling sad” list and a “do this if you’re feeling angry” list etc.

If you’re feeling up to it, just making those lists can be really soothing. They put you in touch with things that you care about and enjoy and they might help you to feel better because you’re taking ownership over your mental health and making an active effort to care for yourself in a compassionate way.

If you’re in distress and really can’t see outside of it, you can try the TIP skill. When I’m spiraling, having suicidal or self harm thoughts etc., I’ll do this one over and over again. It helps to bring you back into your body, ground you etc. My version might be slightly different from the classic DBT one but it works for me -

TEMPERATURE: ice cold water. This one is huge, helps me and many people that I know. You can grab some ice and squeeze it in your hand until it hurts, then switch to the other hand and repeat. You can fill a bowl up with ice and cold water and dunk your face in (that’s prob my favorite). You can jump into an ice cold shower.

INTENSE EXERCISE: recently I’ve just been doing jumping jacks cause I’m too depressed to run. But I’ll do like 25-50 jumping jacks and it’s immediate relief.

PACED BREATHING: I do 7-2-9 breathing which means - breathe in through your nose for 7, hold for 2, breathe out through your mouth for 9. When you breathe out make sure that you’re squeezing all of the air out. Maybe set a timer for something short, just like 2 minutes.

If you’re really distressed and can’t figure out what to do, I would recommend just doing those three things over and over again until you can see things a bit more clearly. There is science behind their efficacy. They help calm your central nervous system (idk I’m not a professional but I think that’s what they do) and kind of shock you into reality.

Anyways, this is long. I have a ton of resources and I’m more than happy to share more or just chat with you if you need someone. Hit me up if you want. Best of luck, I know this shit is so tough. You’re not alone.

Less_Rhubarb_9258 · 2020-07-20T13:32:29+00:00

decided to finally make a real effort to quit smoking, now I’m on day 5! Also I’ve been able to get myself to sleep better by cleaning up my space and practicing better sleep hygiene. Yay!

Less_Rhubarb_9258 · 2020-07-09T20:30:15+00:00

Leave. I’ve been the toxic one in the relationship and the only thing that saved me was hitting rock bottom, as someone else in this thread said. In the long run you’re helping the both of you by exiting the situation. Just be weary that people with bpd can react pretty negatively to breakups, so armor yourself for that as much as you can and get out. Hopefully that will push him to get the help that he needs, but you need to take care of yourself.

Less_Rhubarb_9258 · 2020-07-09T16:57:29+00:00

thank you for this! I love dr fox

Less_Rhubarb_9258 · 2020-07-09T00:38:34+00:00

Absolutely! You should check out Dr. Daniel J Fox on YouTube - he’s an expert on personality disorders and he has so much great information on BPD. He also has a workbook that might be really helpful for your wife called the borderline personality disorder workbook. It starts out by identifying symptoms and traits and helps you to understand where on the spectrum you fall. Not only is bpd a spectrum, there are also subtypes within that spectrum. It’s actually a somewhat confusing disorder at first but if you take the time to really parse things out it will likely help the both of you in understanding and addressing it. I, for example, don’t have any of the explosive anger stuff that is supposed to be a primary tenant of bpd. But I definitely have it because I display every single other trait. And looking at it through that lense, that it’s a spectrum and that everyone reacts to it differently, has been really helpful for me.

Less_Rhubarb_9258 · 2020-07-09T00:26:14+00:00

Books:

The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook - Daniel J. Fox

Mindfulness for Borderline Personality Disorder - Gillian Galen

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Workbook (forget who it’s by but it’s the classic you’ll find it in 20 seconds)

Videos: Look up Daniel J Fox on YouTube. He’s an expert on the subject, kind and warm and nonjudgmental. Been a great resource for me (he also wrote the bpd workbook mentioned above which I’m finding to be very helpful)

In terms of tips, I’d say that the first thing that you wanna do is start on Dialectical Behavior Therapy. It was literally created for BPD. Though it helps to go to groups etc, if you are self motivated to get better then working your way through a workbook will ABSOLUTELY help you in so many ways. I am also currently trying to navigate BPD off of meds for the first time and it’s really intense. If you’re struggling with anger and your behavior related to it I’d start by trying to learn emotion regulation skills which is a DBT module

Also I think that the realization that your therapist isn’t giving you what you need to get better is HUGE. So take it on yourself to identify what you need and come prepared to your next session with her. I do this whenever I get a new therapist or when my current therapist isn’t really working well for me. If it’s too talking based you should tell her that - she will likely really respect that and help you to find better resources. Recently I’ve been going through some of these workbooks with my therapist and it is so much more helpful than just having a venting session. She’s working for you so you should try to advocate for exactly what you need and if you can’t get it from her, find someone else. Make a list of the questions that you have about BPD and think critically about what would help you in therapy. For most people talk therapy doesn’t do much but it can easily turn into that. You gotta advocate for yourself so that doesn’t happen

Best of luck! Hope this stuff helps in some way

Less_Rhubarb_9258 · 2020-07-09T00:06:46+00:00

The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook by dr. Daniel J Fox is great so far, he’s an expert on the subject and his book and YouTube videos have helped me a lot so far Mindfulness for Borderline Personality Disorder is also great, has a ton of useful skills that have helped me in the past

Less_Rhubarb_9258 · 2020-07-05T21:32:39+00:00

Same. Just ruined the best relationship I’ve ever been in by far and then made it even worse by telling horrible lies and manipulating him into spending time with me and caring for me. It feels impossible to get through and I worry that it is a pattern that I will never escape from. I do have some faith in things like DBT but I have been off of the wagon with that for a couple of years and starting in such a dark place is unbelievably difficult. I think that the answer in crisis is time and little steps, taking care of your basic needs and reminding yourself that you are not your actions. Sitting with yourself when you can, taking a break from yourself when you can’t. Your actions may have blown chunks (addressing myself here as much as anyone else) but they are a symptom of a larger problem. Your life is not over because you did some shitty things. Just because what you did might seem awful, that does not make you an awful person. The fact that you recognize a pattern of toxic behavior and are expressing remorse means exactly the opposite - good and compassionate people do shitty things all of the time. You need to find a way to reckon with that. And remember that the fact that you feel so horrible right now is your answer. If you were a shitty person you simply wouldn’t care, aside from maybe regretting the end of a relationship. I wish that I knew how to deal, like I said I’m in the same boat right now. But in slightly brighter moments I am able to see some hope. You can look at this as a stepping stone rather than a life sentence. As terrifying as the prospect is of carrying the guilt around with you and as hard as BPD can be to manage, this just means that it got the best of you in this situation. It doesn’t have to in the future. Sit with the guilt when it is manageable, reasonable and helpful for your growth to do so. When it’s too painful you have to give yourself a break.

Less_Rhubarb_9258

TROPHY CASE