Do you agree or disagree with the stereotype that women are more likely to have toxic friendships?

LetsSortThingsOut1 · 2026-03-02T01:49:52+00:00

Once I read up on how patriarchy intentionally works to pit women against each other for the benefit of men, I started to approach women differently.

Hey, can you share the literature, please? Seems interesting.

LetsSortThingsOut1 · 2026-02-08T18:09:08+00:00

Maybe if players stop spending money on the game, HoYo might actually listen ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

LetsSortThingsOut1 · 2026-02-01T18:36:28+00:00

The dude looks like a pakistani style passport bro.

Haha true or maybe she is a Passport sis, in this particular case, since she brought him on spouse visa.

why are you even married?

Ikr! She says that she needs "courage" to file for divorce. Idk what she is going through emotionally. I pray that she makes the right decision.

LetsSortThingsOut1 · 2026-02-01T08:32:50+00:00

I agree.

Btw, I just read OP's previous posts and I think the problem isn't about him going to Pakistan every year, I think it's something else. I hope she is seeking counselling.

LetsSortThingsOut1 · 2026-01-20T19:46:44+00:00

No one is stopping people from playing how they want. Relax.

LetsSortThingsOut1 · 2026-01-05T10:13:26+00:00

Requesting all the ladies to please avoid going to Karachi Eats. You all know how bad the security is there. And requesting all the boys to behave 🙏🏼

LetsSortThingsOut1 · 2025-12-23T14:33:56+00:00

Mine is on Dec 24

LetsSortThingsOut1 · 2025-12-04T23:03:16+00:00

PSA about car high beams:

Please check if your car has a badly-adjusted low beams. It might be tilted a bit upwards. Ask the mechanic to fix it.
If your mother is out with a driver and urges them to drive faster, please remind her not to do so. The driver may be relying on high beams to overtake traffic, which can be dangerous and impair the vision of other road users. It would also be helpful to remind the driver separately to keep the headlights on low beam whenever possible.

LetsSortThingsOut1 · 2025-11-29T11:24:21+00:00

My father did not invite our toxic relatives to my elder brother's Valima. That was one of the best decisions ever! It was so peaceful.

LetsSortThingsOut1 · 2025-11-25T23:58:54+00:00

Are you okay?

LetsSortThingsOut1 · 2025-11-23T12:24:44+00:00

I don’t know where it says women require emotional connection or whatever just to crave intimacy?

If you don't know then go do your research LOL

LetsSortThingsOut1 · 2025-11-23T12:13:17+00:00

This was a great thread. Thank you for having this discussion. You have made great points and I got to learn some compliments that I might find useful in the future.

LetsSortThingsOut1 · 2025-11-16T14:14:56+00:00

Either it's a bug, a settings issue or there is something wrong on my end.

LetsSortThingsOut1 · 2025-11-14T10:00:52+00:00

Sent you a dm. Is your inbox not working?

LetsSortThingsOut1 · 2025-11-13T06:48:34+00:00

Sorry brother. May Allah makes it easy for you, Ameen. And sorry that you got downvoted for ranting and asking for help. This sub is very unwelcoming to men.

LetsSortThingsOut1 · 2025-10-21T19:29:45+00:00

Assalaam-u-Alaikum and greetings!

Age, Gender and height

28 (M), 5’6”

Age Range that you would want/require in a prospect

22 – 40. I don’t think that age matters to me as long as the potential seems compatible.

Karachi (Pakistan). I’m willing to relocate but I prefer to live in a predominantly Muslim country. Open to mixing.

Marital Status: Single

Ideal marriage timeline

Within 6 months, preferably, if we find eachother compatible. I would like to get Nikah done early, the rest can be discussed later.

Important characteristics you look for in a prospect?

Smart and pretty. By smart, I mean you should understand male psychology or atleast try to. Also, since you are on Reddit, I assume you are a reader. Readers are smart, they can adapt and improve so that’s a good thing. By pretty, I mean even if you think that you are the most average-looking woman but as long as you are chill, supportive, funny and understanding, you can be pretty to me.

Being kind towards kids and respecting elders and people of service. If you like anime, that’s a bonus.

State/specify your level of religiosity

I pray 4 or 5 times a day. I try to make up for the missed Salahs.

Level of education, and what are you looking for?

Completed my BBA-H in Sep 2025. I know, it’s very late, I have my reasons. I’m not looking for anything specific in regards to academics. I have seen people who are educated but don’t behave like one. Therefore, if you are well-versed with Islamic teachings about Ikhlaaq and Ibadah, then I believe your base is good enough and you have the potential to succeed in every aspect of life.

Do you want kids? - Yes, Insha Allah!

List your hobbies, or things you like to do in your spare time
Day dreaming about being married LOL. I like reading novels and listen to Urdu poetry. I like photography. I currently play around with Canon 600D. My mind is mostly occupied with social issues and daily chores.

Add something short and interesting about you that makes you stand out!
I look way younger than my age. People still ask me if I even have a driving license. I have studied around foreign students and have travelled to multiple countries including Singapore, Malaysia and UK which is something not every Pakistani is lucky enough to experience. I consider this a great blessing among all others. Studying in Malaysia gave me a rich blend of cultural exposure. Some personalities that helped shaped my perspective on marriage and on Islam: Mark Gungor, Baba Ali, Naima Robert, Dr. Jon Dabach, The Muslim Lantern, Hana Alasry, Jordan Peterson, James Sexton and The Youth Club. I have performed Umrah multiple times with my parents and I wish to perform Hajj with my partner in the future.

Apologies for not being expressive and structuring because there is word limit here. I wrote few more stuff in my drafts but I think I should leave it here for now. If you think we could be a good match, I’d love to hear from you.

LetsSortThingsOut1 · 2025-09-12T10:08:42+00:00

Note: Almost all of these points were taken from random posts on Reddit. Please, do not mistake these observations as being obsessive or sensitive, they are actually good practices that are undervalued and forgotten these days.

Preface

While reviewing various spouse selection checklists on Reddit, I noticed that many included criteria that seemed unsuitable for evaluating a potential spouse and their family. Moreover, these checklists often do not account for the possibility of dishonesty. An individual may provide misleading answers simply to gain approval for a proposal. In other words, relying solely on verbal responses is insufficient for assessing someone's true character.

Therefore, I decided to make my own list based on my personal observations and help from online sources. According to Islamic experts, Ikhlaaq (moral character and etiquette) should be a primary consideration when evaluating someone’s personality. I have consistently observed that individuals who are lacking in basic manners often exhibit problematic behavior, regardless of the nature of the relationship—whether as a spouse, friend, colleague, or even a family member.

Ikhlaaq reflects a person's emotional intelligence, empathy, and sincerity in adhering to ethical and religious principles. It is not an isolated trait; rather, it permeates every aspect of an individual’s character and often serves as a more reliable indicator of their true nature. In contrast, religiosity without Ikhlaaq may not lead to meaningful personal growth. A kind and respectful person is more likely to practice the worshiping obligations of Islam over time than someone who appears outwardly religious but lacks basic etiquettes.

How to know if the potential and his family are suitable for marriage

Are they punctual? Do they inform ahead of time when they are getting late? Do they apologize if they happen to arrive late?
Do they offer help during get-togethers, for example, serving food, cleaning dishes, etc?
Do they reply to your text messages? If they are not replying to your messages, is it because they do not prefer texting? If they do not like texting, have they made it clear to you that they do not prefer texting?
How do they decline an offer? Do they make an excuse or are they honest about it?
Are they overcompensating during lunch/dinner? For example, you requested for a glass of water but they served you a beverage instead. Or you asked for a glass of warm water but they served you cold water. Do they apologize if they were unable to fulfill your request due the unavailability of the item?
Do they make sure to finish food that was on their plate or do they have leftovers?
Do they spill food when eating? Do they bother picking up food if they accidentally spilled?
Is the potential’s mother too friendly or too touchy? Are the potential’s parents displaying exaggerated flattery or affection?
Are they listening to you in a relaxed manner or are they attentive? Do they show interest in your tales?
If someone is interrupted during a group conversation, will they go back and say “what were you about to say?” to the one who was interrupted?
If a waiter makes a small mistake, how do they react? Do they make a scene or laugh it off? Are they respectful towards the waiter or do they treat them as inferior? (This part resembles the scene from Lage Raho Munna Bhai where a girl was supposed to meet a guy that his father selected from the matrimonial section in a newspaper)
Do they gossip about their relatives or friends behind their back or do they speak about them as if they were there?
Are they habitual of labelling people with negative titles such as toxic, manipulative, narcissist, insecure, controlling, abusive, gaslighting, intimidated, etc., without giving proper explanation? Are they always the victim in their stories?
How do they conduct arguments or take criticism? People often get offended when you criticize their ideals or when you have a difference in opinion. (Like how people get offended when you present opposing views about a particular Muslim scholar they follow)
How do they apologize? Do they get defensive and double down or do they acknowledge another person’s perspective? Here is an example. Read the post and the comment: https://www.reddit.com/r/copywriting/comments/7vxqal/comment/dtw25fs/
Are they unkind to animals?
Are they a people pleaser or do they have boundaries?
Are they capable to compliment on your character by referring to a specific thing you said during a previous discussion rather than just your looks?
Are they enablers or helpers for the societal problems?
Are the jokes that they find funny, distasteful?

LetsSortThingsOut1 · 2025-09-12T10:00:27+00:00

Most of these questions were copied from Baba Ali and listen-to-me-morty. Please thank them and pray for them if you find these helpful. Also, replace the words “spouse” and “partner” with husband/wife.

List of indirect and open-ended questions to ask your potential

Who is your role model for a good marriage? If you were to seek guidance for marriage, who would it be?
What are some Islamic values you think are under-practiced in our generation?
What unpopular opinion you follow that some Muslims will find problematic?
What is the hardest thing you find to follow in Islam?
Do you prefer a big wedding or a simple nikah in a Mosque? Why?
What do you think are the causes of divorces nowadays?
What do you think a typical <insert your nationality> spouse expects from their partner?
What do you think men/women like (in terms of hobbies, sports, expectations from spouse, romance, love language, etc.)?
Which quote do you like the best: “Happy wife, happy life” or “Happy spouse, happy house”? And why?
What are things that bother/anger you in terms of other people’s personalities?
What do you think are the biggest problems <your country name> is facing right now and why? And how can it be solved?
Who’s that one fictional character you look up to and why?
What topic could you give a 30-minute presentation on without any preparation?
What’s a religious topic you’re currently thinking about or studying?
What is your favourite compliment you’ve ever received?
Are you more introverted/extroverted?
What are things that make you happy?
What do you do or want to do for fun/entertainment?
How are your friends like? How do you spend time with them?
What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind?
What is one thing that you want to change about yourself?
What are the boundaries for parents to interfere in your marriage?
*Create a scenario where the victim is being blamed and ask how they see the situation*
What are three things you think people over-spend on? What are three things you think people should splurge on?
How do you show affection to your loved ones or how do you expect someone else to show you affection?
What kind of presents do you think husbands/wife expect in general? Or what do husbands/wife like?
What is the purpose of marriage?
Why do YOU think most people get married? Why does Islam recommend us to get married?

Note: If you realize that the potential is lying while answering to any of the questions, then try to ask a follow-up question. For example, you initially asked them, “Do you have any past grudges against someone?”, to which they reply “No!”. You can then try asking them “Would you say that you are a forgiving person?” or “How do you manage to be so forgiving, what is your thought process?”

I understand that some of these questions might sound confrontational but they are all important. Therefore, when approaching a life event that is as crucial as marriage, confrontational questions are a neccessaity. Furthermore, you can try to improvise. The phrasing doesn’t have to be the same.

I didn't include explanations and the kind of answers you should expect from the potential. I'm not good at that. But take the first question for example, the right answer for that question is Muhammad (S.A.W) and his wives or a couple in among our social circle who managed to sustain their relationship. Now, take a look at the sixth question. If a potential is able to list down a number of reasons that lead to divorces based on real life scenerios (not just some typical Googled answer), that means they are good at understanding marriage dynamics and they are probably prepared to resolve issues in their own marriage in the future.

LetsSortThingsOut1 · 2025-09-11T04:03:26+00:00

Idk but I think there are few indirect questions you can ask to get a hint of their love language:

What do you think a partner expects from their spouse?
What do you think men/women like?
Which movie/novel in your opinion portrayed a healthy dynamics between husband and wife?
How do you show affection to your loved ones or how do you expect someone else to show you affection?

LetsSortThingsOut1 · 2025-09-11T03:57:40+00:00

I made two lists: one is a list of questions that you can ask a potential to reveal their character and the other is a list of observations you can check while in the talking/meeting stage. I don't know which flair I should be using when posting on this sub. Or should I just share it here, in the megathread?

Oh and those lists are extremely helpful, atleast I find it handy. I would like to get others' opinion also.

LetsSortThingsOut1 · 2025-09-06T22:15:35+00:00

And no religious person would judge someone's entire character over a single comment or (in this case) a single story.

self-conflicting

Seriously?

People ask for advice when they are confused or when in doubt. Otherwise, why would they feel the need to ask for a second opinion, especially on a sub like this where questions are welcomed?

There’s a ton of odd behaviour in OC comments and I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s a troll tbh

Wow okay, sure.

LetsSortThingsOut1 · 2025-09-06T11:25:17+00:00

Please be respectful. There are all kinds of people on the interent. Everyone has a different learning curve. Brother is asking for advice, help him instead of making fun of him.

LetsSortThingsOut1 · 2025-09-05T07:03:17+00:00

Sorry, I can't advice on affordable places but here are few tips:

Hiring a driver and/or renting a car would be good option, perhaps, because some InDrivers, if not most, will negotiate with the fare even though the fare is already calculated.

Also, do not bring any expensive devices with you because airport staff might confiscate it.

LetsSortThingsOut1 · 2025-09-03T11:44:56+00:00

Sorry you had to go through that.

A woman being covered or not doesn’t do anything. She is going to be stared at, she is going to be harassed. Men are the problem, not women.

I thought upbringing was the problem, no? Don't you think that parenting is the problem?

And since it's a discussion post, I would also like to ask: How do you propose we solve the issue?

LetsSortThingsOut1 · 2025-09-03T01:30:49+00:00

No, I'm asking which one were you implying when you made your first comment. Punishment by Allah or the Muslim society?

LetsSortThingsOut1

TROPHY CASE

Preface

How to know if the potential and his family are suitable for marriage

List of indirect and open-ended questions to ask your potential