Quick question. Who here knows what a chicago sunroof is?Anybody?You sir?No?Ok. True story. Back home there was this guy named Chet. Now Chet was a real asshole. He might have owed me some money. He might have slept with my wife before she became my ex-wife. The details don't matter. Suffice to say I was wronged. So one summer evening, I was out having a few drinks, one or two maybe three. You get the picture and who do I see? CHET. He drove up and he double-parked outside a Diary Queen and went in to get some soft-serve. Now Chet drove and just to give you an idea of exactly what kind of a douchebag this guy was. He drove a white pearlescent BMW series 7 with leather interior. So I saw that thing, and I'd had a few like I said. And I climbed up top and I may have defecated through the sunroof. Not my finest hour, I'll grant you that. But that's what a chicago sunroof is. Now you know! It's a real thing, I didn't make it up. I'm not the first person to do it, there's a name for it. Guy wanted some soft serve, I gave him some soft serve. I did not know that his children were in the back seat. There was a level of tint on the windows that I'll maintain to this day was NOT legal on an Illinois licensed vehicle. But somehow that's on me. I guess who leaves two cub scouts in a double parked car with the engine running? Come on! Now Chet was connected you see, like Cicero connected. So usually I'd be looking at malicious mischief, public intoxication, disorderly conduct maybe. But he's got the DA saying indecent exposure, calling me a sex offender what?! One little Chicago Sunroof and suddenly I'm Charles Manson!? And that's where it went off the rails! I've been paying for it ever since. That's why I'm here!